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Summer 2022 - Week 9
I don't think I have ever wanted to be at work less. Mom had a claustrophobia-adjacent panic attack in the bone scan machine yesterday, and she has a CAT scan and echocardiogram and oncologist meeting today to power through and I'm just... here! At work, 400 kilometres away! Sucks real bad! I had a couple of moderately stress-nausea-free days in the middle of my week off, but those are behind me once again.
Still. I got a tan and Kenny Omega back and a new phone and also Tim Hortons' new maple bacon breakfast sandwiches are so fucking good, so hey. We hang in.
FILMS
Beast (2022): When everyone is just so stupid you want them to die from the instant they appear on screen, and then they never do. TAKE OFF YOUR MULTIPLE LAYERS OF SWEATERS IF YOU'RE SO FUCKING HOT, MAYBE??? There really are a LOT of movies where the mom is dead from cancer, huh? That lion did nothing wrong.
Champion (1949): Ugh, another one of Those Kirk Douglas protagonists. Even when the movie's good (and it's good!), they just make me tired. At least this one dies in the end instead of just having to live broodingly with the choices he's made.
Midnight Run (1988): Hey, remember when this was on the Criterion Channel OF COURSE YOU DO BECAUSE IT HAPPENED THIS MONTH, BECAUSE IT'S CINEMA.
Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962): I've never seen this movie before, but I've absolutely seen this movie before, you know? Young John Saxon could totally get it (old John Saxon could totally get it, too, but that's less relevant here).
Niagara (1953): More noirs should be confident enough to just fucking drape themselves in rainbows. Pretty wild choice to kill Marilyn Monroe with twenty minutes left to go when it always feels like the movie is just building up to seeing her again whenever she's not onscreen.
Sátántangó (1994): It's probably a testament to how bad I'm doing that I watched a seven-and-a-half-hour long black-and-white Hungarian arthouse film about a shitty little farming village, huh? While I've never been a 'can't watch if the dog dies' person, I absolutely did have to pause it halfway through the barn scene to make sure I wasn't about to watch a girl actually torture and kill an actual cat onscreen (apparently there was a vet on set and they just sedated it for the poisoning scene). Still very uncomfy! The weird cineaste snobs who insist this should all be watched in one go are actually sociopaths.
Ten Nights in a Barroom (1926): Barroom? Surely that can't be right. ANYWAY, this threw way too many unmemorable characters at me right off the bat for me to be able to really follow what was happening for a lot of it. Fortunately, not much happens and it's a typical race picture temperance/morality play! There's a character named Mehitable and a little girl gets beaned with a thrown glass and DIES.
Western (2017): Difficult to engage with, but ultimately worth it. Kinda like somebody you don't share a language with.
TELEVISION
Fuller House 5x04: A fucking synchronized dance number, let me DIE.
Grace and Frankie 6x04: Oh great, another cancer storyline, just what I needed right now. Truly hate how into Coyote I remain, 'aging ginger addict' is SUCH an unfortunate type to have.
Harley Quinn 1x08-1x13: Good shit. Glad they didn't drag out the Ivy resurrection that was so clearly coming from the instant they stuck her in the ground. A tough one not to binge.
Heels 1x01: This feels like the MAGA version of prestige television, but I need something to fill the 'drama about wrestling' gap left by GLOW's bullshit cancellation, so here we are. Stephen Amell is just out there living his best fanboy life and I am right there with him.
The Life of AC Mack: I love the way this serves as a bit of a sequel to the Alex episodes, getting to see the big title match from AC's POV, seeing it framed as a big, dramatic triumph at the climax of the story as opposed to a simple, bittersweet eventuality somewhere in the (long) denouement. The moment when the caption changes from 'Rico Gonzalez - Pro Wrestler' to 'Rico Gonzalez - Boyfriend'? WHOLESOME AS FUCK!!! It is truly impossible not to root for this dude.
The Life of Alex Shelley: When I first got an IWTV subscription, I did not expect that a thing I would do with it would be watching four hours of a hot physical therapist going frisbee golfing and trying to shave x's out of his hair before work and crying over his dead friend and talking to his cereal and just being really really handsome all of the time, but here we are. I'm in love? I'm in love. Don't talk to me. I'm going to rewatch this an embarrassing amount of times.
The Life of Masha Slamovich: Oh, she and Akira are just constantly, DISGUSTINGLY adorable, I love them. HE NAMED HIS GUINEA PIGS SHOOTER AND MOX, I DIE.
The Masked Wrestler 1x01-1x04: I'm really glad that I waited to watch this until after I had seen all of The Life Of, because some of those episodes were the only things keeping me from a full-on Lex Luthor "I have no idea who this is" at some of these unmaskings. Of course, it also means that I'm spoiled for the identity of the season one winner, but other than that, I'm having a blast!
Minx 1x01: I'm just here for sleazy '70s Jake Johnson saying things like "wet pussy title" and I'm not even going to try to pretend otherwise.
Orange is the New Black 7x05: One thing this show does well pretty consistently is make you care about the awful shit happening to all of the characters, while never making any of them particularly likeable? It's pretty impressive, honestly.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law 1x01: Fun as heck! The CGI still looks a little off to me, but like, she's a seven foot tall green lady, she should probably look kinda off? I definitely got used to it very quickly and it's working for me and I think this was JUST enough origin story before moving on to not get tedious. Also that was such a quintessentially 'cousins' fight scene. Bring on the super-lawyer shenanigans.
Star Trek: Enterprise 1x06: Oh, thank god Lower Decks is back this week.
Wrestling
AEW Dark 4x36
AEW Dark: Elevation 2x35
AEW Dynamite 4x33
AEW Rampage 2x33
Before the IMPACT 2x33
IMPACT! Wrestling 19x33
NJPW on AXS 6x25
NJPW Strong 3x32
NWA Powerrr 9x10
NWA USA 3x09
We are STARDOM!! 3x33
Still. I got a tan and Kenny Omega back and a new phone and also Tim Hortons' new maple bacon breakfast sandwiches are so fucking good, so hey. We hang in.
FILMS
Beast (2022): When everyone is just so stupid you want them to die from the instant they appear on screen, and then they never do. TAKE OFF YOUR MULTIPLE LAYERS OF SWEATERS IF YOU'RE SO FUCKING HOT, MAYBE??? There really are a LOT of movies where the mom is dead from cancer, huh? That lion did nothing wrong.
Champion (1949): Ugh, another one of Those Kirk Douglas protagonists. Even when the movie's good (and it's good!), they just make me tired. At least this one dies in the end instead of just having to live broodingly with the choices he's made.
Midnight Run (1988): Hey, remember when this was on the Criterion Channel OF COURSE YOU DO BECAUSE IT HAPPENED THIS MONTH, BECAUSE IT'S CINEMA.
Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962): I've never seen this movie before, but I've absolutely seen this movie before, you know? Young John Saxon could totally get it (old John Saxon could totally get it, too, but that's less relevant here).
Niagara (1953): More noirs should be confident enough to just fucking drape themselves in rainbows. Pretty wild choice to kill Marilyn Monroe with twenty minutes left to go when it always feels like the movie is just building up to seeing her again whenever she's not onscreen.
Sátántangó (1994): It's probably a testament to how bad I'm doing that I watched a seven-and-a-half-hour long black-and-white Hungarian arthouse film about a shitty little farming village, huh? While I've never been a 'can't watch if the dog dies' person, I absolutely did have to pause it halfway through the barn scene to make sure I wasn't about to watch a girl actually torture and kill an actual cat onscreen (apparently there was a vet on set and they just sedated it for the poisoning scene). Still very uncomfy! The weird cineaste snobs who insist this should all be watched in one go are actually sociopaths.
Ten Nights in a Barroom (1926): Barroom? Surely that can't be right. ANYWAY, this threw way too many unmemorable characters at me right off the bat for me to be able to really follow what was happening for a lot of it. Fortunately, not much happens and it's a typical race picture temperance/morality play! There's a character named Mehitable and a little girl gets beaned with a thrown glass and DIES.
Western (2017): Difficult to engage with, but ultimately worth it. Kinda like somebody you don't share a language with.
TELEVISION
Fuller House 5x04: A fucking synchronized dance number, let me DIE.
Grace and Frankie 6x04: Oh great, another cancer storyline, just what I needed right now. Truly hate how into Coyote I remain, 'aging ginger addict' is SUCH an unfortunate type to have.
Harley Quinn 1x08-1x13: Good shit. Glad they didn't drag out the Ivy resurrection that was so clearly coming from the instant they stuck her in the ground. A tough one not to binge.
Heels 1x01: This feels like the MAGA version of prestige television, but I need something to fill the 'drama about wrestling' gap left by GLOW's bullshit cancellation, so here we are. Stephen Amell is just out there living his best fanboy life and I am right there with him.
The Life of AC Mack: I love the way this serves as a bit of a sequel to the Alex episodes, getting to see the big title match from AC's POV, seeing it framed as a big, dramatic triumph at the climax of the story as opposed to a simple, bittersweet eventuality somewhere in the (long) denouement. The moment when the caption changes from 'Rico Gonzalez - Pro Wrestler' to 'Rico Gonzalez - Boyfriend'? WHOLESOME AS FUCK!!! It is truly impossible not to root for this dude.
The Life of Alex Shelley: When I first got an IWTV subscription, I did not expect that a thing I would do with it would be watching four hours of a hot physical therapist going frisbee golfing and trying to shave x's out of his hair before work and crying over his dead friend and talking to his cereal and just being really really handsome all of the time, but here we are. I'm in love? I'm in love. Don't talk to me. I'm going to rewatch this an embarrassing amount of times.
The Life of Masha Slamovich: Oh, she and Akira are just constantly, DISGUSTINGLY adorable, I love them. HE NAMED HIS GUINEA PIGS SHOOTER AND MOX, I DIE.
The Masked Wrestler 1x01-1x04: I'm really glad that I waited to watch this until after I had seen all of The Life Of, because some of those episodes were the only things keeping me from a full-on Lex Luthor "I have no idea who this is" at some of these unmaskings. Of course, it also means that I'm spoiled for the identity of the season one winner, but other than that, I'm having a blast!
Minx 1x01: I'm just here for sleazy '70s Jake Johnson saying things like "wet pussy title" and I'm not even going to try to pretend otherwise.
Orange is the New Black 7x05: One thing this show does well pretty consistently is make you care about the awful shit happening to all of the characters, while never making any of them particularly likeable? It's pretty impressive, honestly.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law 1x01: Fun as heck! The CGI still looks a little off to me, but like, she's a seven foot tall green lady, she should probably look kinda off? I definitely got used to it very quickly and it's working for me and I think this was JUST enough origin story before moving on to not get tedious. Also that was such a quintessentially 'cousins' fight scene. Bring on the super-lawyer shenanigans.
Star Trek: Enterprise 1x06: Oh, thank god Lower Decks is back this week.
Wrestling
AEW Dark 4x36
AEW Dark: Elevation 2x35
AEW Dynamite 4x33
AEW Rampage 2x33
Before the IMPACT 2x33
IMPACT! Wrestling 19x33
NJPW on AXS 6x25
NJPW Strong 3x32
NWA Powerrr 9x10
NWA USA 3x09
We are STARDOM!! 3x33
no subject
on a lighter note though, Minx is fucking delightful, I do NOT understand how Jake Johnson is so fucking hot as a sleazy '70s porno dude.
no subject
HE'S SO HOT WTF
no subject
IT IS RIDICULOUSLY UNFAIR. that show was super fun, though, i really enjoyed it!