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Spring Season: Weeks 37/38
Welp, didn't get this update finished up in time on my last work set, so it's two for the price of one this week! ONLY MOVIES, ALL IS MOVIES, actual updates to follow after the weekend, I guess. Themes for the... month? Included pre-Code Joan Blondell, Bette Gordon, Chantal Akerman, Cheryl Dunye, and Gregg Araki, with sprinkles of Charles Burnett, Dorothy Arzner, Jackie Chan, and Joan Crawford for good measure. Plus lots of other bullshit, idk, there are no REAL themes here. Lots of Blondell, though.
FILMS
Alice (1988): This definitely would have been straight, uncut nightmare fodder if I'd seen it as a kid, but it absolutely slaps now. I definitely need more Švankmajer in my life.
La belle noiseuse (1991): oh my god this was four fucking hours long
Blonde Crazy (1931): $CAMMIN!! Ugh, you guys, I really hate how much I'm into Cagney and his whole deal here, he's such a weird little man, why is it all so hot?? This movie is delightful, and the relationship between him and Blondell is SO GOOD, they're clearly both in love with each other and they both know it and the chemistry is a whole row of fire emoji, but that's just not the way things go for them for most of it and THAT'S OKAY, TOO, they can still be flirty-yet-platonic con artist buddies who respect and have tons of fun with each other!!
Bonjour Tristesse (1958): A rewatch, and since I knew going in how fucking unbearable a protagonist Cecile is this time around, I think I enjoyed it more? I was much more able to just appreciate her fucked up codependent relationship with her dad and all of the surface charm, knowing how miserably it all ends and what an awful person she is.
Chantal Akerman par Chantal Akerman (1997): Ewww, a clip show. Of movies that it really doesn't seem like I'd enjoy. Kinda want to find out to be sure, but this was very boring. The opening ten minutes or so where she's just talking about her work and the making of the thing was pretty cool, though!
Coma (1978): This was an AMAZING movie to go into completely blind. I don't know the novel, I didn't know anything about this beyond the title, and it was a fucking RIDE as a result. Like, in that initial abortion scene with Holly Goodhead, it's like... the movie is called COMA, so you KNOW something is going to go wrong, but you don't know what, and everything is just so painfully banal and routine but TENSE AS FUCK, because I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DO NOT, DOCTORS, and gah. And then the super slow-burn shift from straightforward medical mystery drama into conspiracy horror before FINALLY getting to the weird evil Crichton biotech stuff, man, everything about this just worked so well for me. They killed Tom Selleck after just one scene! The absolute maniacs!
Dames (1934): God, people would just happily eat up the most inane shit for Blondell, huh? (IT'S ME, I'M PEOPLE)
Dead or Alive (1999): I feel like a worse person for having seen this, and I'm glad that I did.
Dr. No (1962): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #10! Honestly? Getting to see this on the big screen has actually made me feel okay about the ongoing NTTD delay. In a magical, pandemic-free universe, I think I'd be willing to make that trade. It was worth it.
Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972): ABOUT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING FROM THE TITLE, TBH. I haven't actually seen any of the other Lee/Cushing Dracula movies, so possibly I am doing the series a disservice by starting with this one? But I had fun, so I don't care too much.
Election (1999): Man, you could write whole treatises about the gender politics in this thing and how it forces you to confront some pretty ugly things without ever actually bringing them up?? Like, Mr. McAllister is pretty unequivocally the bad guy here, Tracy is just a sad weird girl with no friends who overachieves and gets repeatedly statutory raped, she deserves NONE of his ire and tons of sympathy, but also oh my god she's the fucking worst fucking destroy her, Matthew Broderick, PLEASE. And meanwhile you've got Paul just being a perfect cinnamon roll in the corner, it's all so skillfully done.
Fearless Hyena 2 (1983): Even more of a ridiculous nonsense mess than I expected just based on what it is. They seriously hacked together a movie out of unused scraps from the first one to pretend that the star didn't ditch their studio halfway through! There are a lot of scenes where the fighting happens behind convenient face-obscuring foliage, and Lung spends the entire middle of the movie wearing a disguise for no fucking reason, and the big finale keeps cutting away to reaction shots of Jackie Chan in a CLEARLY difference location, it's kind of amazing???
Footlight Parade (1933): I'm really starting to dig this weird Busby Berkeley movie narrative flow, where the first hour or so is just a boring showbiz story, light comedy, light drama, plenty of charm but that's about it, and then the last forty minutes are just BATSHIT CRAZY MUSICAL NUMBERS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER UNTIL THE END. It kinda grows on you? Anyway, I've seen this before, and the Shanghai Lil number is still VERY racist, but also basically porn for me personally, so. Cagney in that sailor suit, man. Leave me alone. Ruby Keeler is also much less of a wet rag here than she was in Dames, even if Blondell continues to outshine everyone around her. Gonna tell my kids this was Cats.
Freaky (2020): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #11! I freaking loved this and am fully prepared to follow Christopher Landon straight to hell if it means he's allowed to keep doing this 'fantasy comedy tropes as slasher movies' thing of his. Vince Vaughn vs. Jack Black in a teen girl off, GO
Ganja & Hess (1973): All I knew about this was 'that black vampire movie', but it's SO much cooler and weirder than that, what an absolute trip that was. Also deeply horny, as all good vampire movies should be.
Goldfinger (1964): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #12! They skipped From Russia With Love for some reason, which: boo, but also at least I won't have to face my stunning Robert Shaw revelation from a few months back face-on just yet. This movie remains problematic fun, definitely the best of the Guy Hamilton goofy bullshit films, and is now fairly bittersweet since we lost both Connery AND Honor Blackman this year.
The Hills Have Eyes (1977): The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but make it FASHION.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #9! The first of this month's Connery farewell trilogy tour, goddamn, this movie is a good time.
The Living End (1992): Luke is like, inhumanly attractive, that's it, that's all I've got.
Merrily We Go to Hell (1932): A cliched, by-the-numbers moral tale, told in the most uncliched, tragic and frustrating and complex way possible, fuck this is so good!!! My unabashed stanning of Dorothy Arzner continues unabated!
Mildred Pierce (1945): I put this on as a random rewatch for background noise while I put some laundry away and it took me literally the entire runtime to finish because I kept getting distracted because it just looks SO GOOD. Like, it's a great movie in general, but also just to look at?? Anyway, the wrong kid died.
My Lucky Stars (1985): Needed more fun ridiculous action, and way less painfully tedious, unfunny sexual harassment hijinx. SUCH A STRONG START, so quickly squandered.
The Owls (2010): Fourth-wall shattering lesbian murder mystery/relationship drama/generational divide commentary, barely an hour long, this thing rules so hard. A whole that is very much better than the sum of its kinda shonky parts.
Union Depot (1932): Fun little B-movie with a surprisingly downbeat ending. Good stuff.
Variety (1983): I'mma need to revisit this one at some point. It kinda lost me by the end, but I also kinda can't get it out of my head?
War (2007): A good movie to watch while I cleaned out my purse, with lots of random dudes I like. Sung Kang! Mathew St. Patrick, I haven't seen you in ages!
The Watermelon Woman (1996): A take on film history and black history and queer history, just drenched in '90s video store nostalgia, put it DIRECTLY into my veins please.
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962): One of those rare films that I find genuinely scary, this is problematic as shit when it comes to things like its attitudes towards older women and the mentally ill and the physically disabled and how things go for the single non-white character (NOT GREAT!) but oh my god it just kills it on every level I love it so much. Also, I have watched way more Davis movies than Crawford ones this year, which feels like an easy way to get haunted, and I should fix that in December.
SHORTS
American Autumn (2013): I am so far removed from every aspect of culture being parodied here that it might as well be satire from an alien planet for all that it connects, but all of those kids are freaking awesome.
Empty Suitcases (1980): What the hell did any of these sequences have to do with each other? Watching this felt like homework.
The Funeral (2016): big Free Churro energy
Gasman (1998): Slow and boring to get going, which kinda killed it for me since it's so short anyway. Beyond that, the situation was just so baffling, it distracted from the more genuine confusion of the daughter being portrayed?? Obviously, being left with questions was part of the point, but it just didn't work for me here.
Greetings from Africa (1996): My introduction to Dunye and oh my god she's adorable????
The Horse (1973): Still short, still spare, still sad.
Janine (1990): Lovely little essay, this is the real shit right here. Hey, fuck you, Janine!
The Man Who Came Out Only at Night (2013): Fun, fascinating, fairy tale logic. Really dug this. 'James Ransone but he's a turtle 50% of the time' is, coincidentally, my dream husband, so.
Un jour Pina a demandé... (1983): If you love watching skinny white people walk around in circles, boy do I have the movie for you.
Les algues dans tes cheveux (2016): A meditative, melancholic little bit of... something. Jours étranges.
The Spiritual Life of Wholesale Goods (2016): This is, without exaggeration, the best documentary I've seen all year. Need to watch more of this guy's stuff.
Temps mort (2009): Drags a little at times, but it's ultimately pretty interesting, and the terrible early cell phone video/text speak aesthetics hit SO HARD, oh my god.
The United States of America (1975): I think I've been on too many long, boring road trips to be charmed by this. Left me asking 'are we there yet?' every two minutes or so.
An Untitled Portrait (1993): Short and sweet, packing a fair few things to think on into just a few spare shots. Also feet, Tarantino who?
Woman in Deep (2016): The race stuff felt a bit hat on a hat, the gothic birthday madness felt like more than enough for the runtime. Alison Pill's great, though.
TELEVISION
All Elite Wrestling (September 15th - October 14th, 2020): HANGMAN CONTINUES TO BREAK MY HEART, also I got freaked out at being so close to caught up that I kinda put the breaks on for a couple of weeks (which naturally means I've been spoiled for the big title change this week, but WHAT CAN YOU DO). Even before that, though, it was pretty clear that the eliminator tournament was heading for a Page/Omega showdown, seems like they're doing a rushed version of the Golden Lovers with those two? I'm so fucking here for it, but BOY it's upsetting. Hangman's voice when he found out Kenny was in the tournament and just ditched the announcer's desk, how dare they.
Star Trek: Discovery (3x05/3x06): See recent Star Trek DISCOurse posts!
FILMS
Alice (1988): This definitely would have been straight, uncut nightmare fodder if I'd seen it as a kid, but it absolutely slaps now. I definitely need more Švankmajer in my life.
La belle noiseuse (1991): oh my god this was four fucking hours long
Blonde Crazy (1931): $CAMMIN!! Ugh, you guys, I really hate how much I'm into Cagney and his whole deal here, he's such a weird little man, why is it all so hot?? This movie is delightful, and the relationship between him and Blondell is SO GOOD, they're clearly both in love with each other and they both know it and the chemistry is a whole row of fire emoji, but that's just not the way things go for them for most of it and THAT'S OKAY, TOO, they can still be flirty-yet-platonic con artist buddies who respect and have tons of fun with each other!!
Bonjour Tristesse (1958): A rewatch, and since I knew going in how fucking unbearable a protagonist Cecile is this time around, I think I enjoyed it more? I was much more able to just appreciate her fucked up codependent relationship with her dad and all of the surface charm, knowing how miserably it all ends and what an awful person she is.
Chantal Akerman par Chantal Akerman (1997): Ewww, a clip show. Of movies that it really doesn't seem like I'd enjoy. Kinda want to find out to be sure, but this was very boring. The opening ten minutes or so where she's just talking about her work and the making of the thing was pretty cool, though!
Coma (1978): This was an AMAZING movie to go into completely blind. I don't know the novel, I didn't know anything about this beyond the title, and it was a fucking RIDE as a result. Like, in that initial abortion scene with Holly Goodhead, it's like... the movie is called COMA, so you KNOW something is going to go wrong, but you don't know what, and everything is just so painfully banal and routine but TENSE AS FUCK, because I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DO NOT, DOCTORS, and gah. And then the super slow-burn shift from straightforward medical mystery drama into conspiracy horror before FINALLY getting to the weird evil Crichton biotech stuff, man, everything about this just worked so well for me. They killed Tom Selleck after just one scene! The absolute maniacs!
Dames (1934): God, people would just happily eat up the most inane shit for Blondell, huh? (IT'S ME, I'M PEOPLE)
Dead or Alive (1999): I feel like a worse person for having seen this, and I'm glad that I did.
Dr. No (1962): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #10! Honestly? Getting to see this on the big screen has actually made me feel okay about the ongoing NTTD delay. In a magical, pandemic-free universe, I think I'd be willing to make that trade. It was worth it.
Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972): ABOUT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING FROM THE TITLE, TBH. I haven't actually seen any of the other Lee/Cushing Dracula movies, so possibly I am doing the series a disservice by starting with this one? But I had fun, so I don't care too much.
Election (1999): Man, you could write whole treatises about the gender politics in this thing and how it forces you to confront some pretty ugly things without ever actually bringing them up?? Like, Mr. McAllister is pretty unequivocally the bad guy here, Tracy is just a sad weird girl with no friends who overachieves and gets repeatedly statutory raped, she deserves NONE of his ire and tons of sympathy, but also oh my god she's the fucking worst fucking destroy her, Matthew Broderick, PLEASE. And meanwhile you've got Paul just being a perfect cinnamon roll in the corner, it's all so skillfully done.
Fearless Hyena 2 (1983): Even more of a ridiculous nonsense mess than I expected just based on what it is. They seriously hacked together a movie out of unused scraps from the first one to pretend that the star didn't ditch their studio halfway through! There are a lot of scenes where the fighting happens behind convenient face-obscuring foliage, and Lung spends the entire middle of the movie wearing a disguise for no fucking reason, and the big finale keeps cutting away to reaction shots of Jackie Chan in a CLEARLY difference location, it's kind of amazing???
Footlight Parade (1933): I'm really starting to dig this weird Busby Berkeley movie narrative flow, where the first hour or so is just a boring showbiz story, light comedy, light drama, plenty of charm but that's about it, and then the last forty minutes are just BATSHIT CRAZY MUSICAL NUMBERS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER UNTIL THE END. It kinda grows on you? Anyway, I've seen this before, and the Shanghai Lil number is still VERY racist, but also basically porn for me personally, so. Cagney in that sailor suit, man. Leave me alone. Ruby Keeler is also much less of a wet rag here than she was in Dames, even if Blondell continues to outshine everyone around her. Gonna tell my kids this was Cats.
Freaky (2020): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #11! I freaking loved this and am fully prepared to follow Christopher Landon straight to hell if it means he's allowed to keep doing this 'fantasy comedy tropes as slasher movies' thing of his. Vince Vaughn vs. Jack Black in a teen girl off, GO
Ganja & Hess (1973): All I knew about this was 'that black vampire movie', but it's SO much cooler and weirder than that, what an absolute trip that was. Also deeply horny, as all good vampire movies should be.
Goldfinger (1964): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #12! They skipped From Russia With Love for some reason, which: boo, but also at least I won't have to face my stunning Robert Shaw revelation from a few months back face-on just yet. This movie remains problematic fun, definitely the best of the Guy Hamilton goofy bullshit films, and is now fairly bittersweet since we lost both Connery AND Honor Blackman this year.
The Hills Have Eyes (1977): The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but make it FASHION.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989): BACK TO THE 'RONA THEATER WATCH #9! The first of this month's Connery farewell trilogy tour, goddamn, this movie is a good time.
The Living End (1992): Luke is like, inhumanly attractive, that's it, that's all I've got.
Merrily We Go to Hell (1932): A cliched, by-the-numbers moral tale, told in the most uncliched, tragic and frustrating and complex way possible, fuck this is so good!!! My unabashed stanning of Dorothy Arzner continues unabated!
Mildred Pierce (1945): I put this on as a random rewatch for background noise while I put some laundry away and it took me literally the entire runtime to finish because I kept getting distracted because it just looks SO GOOD. Like, it's a great movie in general, but also just to look at?? Anyway, the wrong kid died.
My Lucky Stars (1985): Needed more fun ridiculous action, and way less painfully tedious, unfunny sexual harassment hijinx. SUCH A STRONG START, so quickly squandered.
The Owls (2010): Fourth-wall shattering lesbian murder mystery/relationship drama/generational divide commentary, barely an hour long, this thing rules so hard. A whole that is very much better than the sum of its kinda shonky parts.
Union Depot (1932): Fun little B-movie with a surprisingly downbeat ending. Good stuff.
Variety (1983): I'mma need to revisit this one at some point. It kinda lost me by the end, but I also kinda can't get it out of my head?
War (2007): A good movie to watch while I cleaned out my purse, with lots of random dudes I like. Sung Kang! Mathew St. Patrick, I haven't seen you in ages!
The Watermelon Woman (1996): A take on film history and black history and queer history, just drenched in '90s video store nostalgia, put it DIRECTLY into my veins please.
What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962): One of those rare films that I find genuinely scary, this is problematic as shit when it comes to things like its attitudes towards older women and the mentally ill and the physically disabled and how things go for the single non-white character (NOT GREAT!) but oh my god it just kills it on every level I love it so much. Also, I have watched way more Davis movies than Crawford ones this year, which feels like an easy way to get haunted, and I should fix that in December.
SHORTS
American Autumn (2013): I am so far removed from every aspect of culture being parodied here that it might as well be satire from an alien planet for all that it connects, but all of those kids are freaking awesome.
Empty Suitcases (1980): What the hell did any of these sequences have to do with each other? Watching this felt like homework.
The Funeral (2016): big Free Churro energy
Gasman (1998): Slow and boring to get going, which kinda killed it for me since it's so short anyway. Beyond that, the situation was just so baffling, it distracted from the more genuine confusion of the daughter being portrayed?? Obviously, being left with questions was part of the point, but it just didn't work for me here.
Greetings from Africa (1996): My introduction to Dunye and oh my god she's adorable????
The Horse (1973): Still short, still spare, still sad.
Janine (1990): Lovely little essay, this is the real shit right here. Hey, fuck you, Janine!
The Man Who Came Out Only at Night (2013): Fun, fascinating, fairy tale logic. Really dug this. 'James Ransone but he's a turtle 50% of the time' is, coincidentally, my dream husband, so.
Un jour Pina a demandé... (1983): If you love watching skinny white people walk around in circles, boy do I have the movie for you.
Les algues dans tes cheveux (2016): A meditative, melancholic little bit of... something. Jours étranges.
The Spiritual Life of Wholesale Goods (2016): This is, without exaggeration, the best documentary I've seen all year. Need to watch more of this guy's stuff.
Temps mort (2009): Drags a little at times, but it's ultimately pretty interesting, and the terrible early cell phone video/text speak aesthetics hit SO HARD, oh my god.
The United States of America (1975): I think I've been on too many long, boring road trips to be charmed by this. Left me asking 'are we there yet?' every two minutes or so.
An Untitled Portrait (1993): Short and sweet, packing a fair few things to think on into just a few spare shots. Also feet, Tarantino who?
Woman in Deep (2016): The race stuff felt a bit hat on a hat, the gothic birthday madness felt like more than enough for the runtime. Alison Pill's great, though.
TELEVISION
All Elite Wrestling (September 15th - October 14th, 2020): HANGMAN CONTINUES TO BREAK MY HEART, also I got freaked out at being so close to caught up that I kinda put the breaks on for a couple of weeks (which naturally means I've been spoiled for the big title change this week, but WHAT CAN YOU DO). Even before that, though, it was pretty clear that the eliminator tournament was heading for a Page/Omega showdown, seems like they're doing a rushed version of the Golden Lovers with those two? I'm so fucking here for it, but BOY it's upsetting. Hangman's voice when he found out Kenny was in the tournament and just ditched the announcer's desk, how dare they.
Star Trek: Discovery (3x05/3x06): See recent Star Trek DISCOurse posts!
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