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Spring Season: Weeks 27/28
Okay, I'm giving myself an hour to write an update, then I have to get back to work. A weirdly busy week here! Just one more day of this and I'm free for another glorious week of nothing! STOP ASKING ME WHAT MY PLANS ARE, CO-WORKERS, JUST LET ME LIVE, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
So two weeks ago, we had just topped twenty active COVID cases for the first time, and then the long weekend happened, and suddenly we were over sixty? So that's great, that's all kicking off. Just gonna... sit in my bubble and hope, living with a high schooler means my ability to avoid much of anything is pretty much nil. We were doing so well for so long! Fuck all y'all!
I feel like I had stuff I wanted to say but it's all gone now. It's bullshit how much easier saving money is once you have some of it, is that a thing worth bitching about, or is it too self-evident at this point? Something something wrestling? Still trying to lose weight, but I end up retaining like five extra pounds during my period, so I have to wait a few more days to see if I'm still making progress or not? Really dreading the next round of inevitable film delays? idk idk I got nothing
To the movie spoiler zone! Maybe I should start alphabetizing these or something, this section is starting to feel real unwieldy?
Minor themes for the weeks included Herschell Gordon Lewis, random pretentious shorts, and a Bill & Ted rewatch!
Blood Feast (1963): Very bad and gross! Weirdly fun??
The Italian Job (2003): I've been meaning to watch the original for months now, ever since Alfie and Get Carter made me realize I needed more of my cocaine in my life, but this is the one that's on Netflix, so. Somehow the wired earpieces date it more than the constant references to Napster???
Kings Row (1942): I really resent how much this movie made me care about Ronald Reagan! He's so good in it! Ugh, what the fuck! Fun and charming in the first half, then when the mid-movie pivot happens (catching me COMPLETELY off-guard, I had no idea what this movie was even about, so when Cassandra died halfway through I was like ????? BUT) and he takes the focus, he carries it fantastically. Not knowing how it all ended, I was SO INVESTED in Drake pulling through, I NEEDED him to be okay in the end and spent the whole thing just waiting for them to go full Million Dollar Baby and they DON'T and it's GREAT and I was SO HAPPY and then I looked up how the book ended and I was EVEN HAPPIER THAT THEY DIDN'T DO THAT, GOD DAMN. And yeah, maybe the happy ending is a little incongruous with the overarching themes (this shit is basically turn-of-the-century Blue Velvet, it rules), but they had to compromise on so many other things along the way, I don't mind the change that gets me a little goddamn emotional satisfaction over narrative perfection, especially since one of the other changes was REAL bad (he didn't kill his daughter because he'd been raping her for years and was jealous of Parris! it was a MERCY murder/suicide, because he didn't want her to go crazy like her mom! fucking YIKES). Anyway, this movie was real good.
Marc Jacobs (2014): Man, fuck that kid's dad!
Devil's Doorway (1950): It's a seventy-year-old Cowboys vs. Indians movie where the cowboys are the CLEAR bad guys! What! It's still pretty sympathetic toward their motivations, with the mealy-mouthed lady lawyer constantly equivocating about how they're ALL just trying to survive out there and why can't Lance just compromise with the white guys stealing his land?? But the film never really lets up on being all about the racism and genocide that built America and how deeply fucked up it was, and it's pretty great? Could have been something really special with an actual native guy in the lead instead of Robert Taylor in brownface. As it is, it's a deeply frustrating watch, but in mostly good ways?
The Magnificent Ambersons (1942): As much as I'd like to see the proper ending, I'm not convinced the big, infamous lost version would be better, honestly. This shit is fantastic and it's tight. Masterpieces don't all need to be 2+ hours!
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989): Rewatching for new movie hype!
A Fistful of Dollars (1964): I still really miss my Maestro. :(
The Gore Gore Girls (1972): Or possibly Blood Orgy? The name on the box and the actual title in the movie itself did not match. Anyway, whenever someone wasn't getting murdered, all I could think was 'when is someone gonna get murdered already' and whenever someone was getting murdered, all I could think was 'EW EW EW EW STOP STOP STOP STOP.'
Mary Last Seen (2010): Maybe you need to have seen Martha Marcy May Marlene to get much out of this? Deeply uncomfortable in ways that I didn't particularly want to dwell on. Eh.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991): Hype hype hype!!!
Buy It Now (2005): I'm just old enough that this made me want to turn myself inside out in cringing recognition of my own misspent youth.
The Wizard of Gore (1970): I LOVED THIS, pretty much entirely due to Montag himself, dude fuckin' rules. And that ridiculously dumb ending where it's just like 'NO THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, WHO EVEN CARES' and the answer is nobody, because it's just stupid and fun as hell.
The Year of Living Dangerously (1982): 'Exotic foreign plights as thinly-sketched backdrop for angsty white people', eeeeech. Good for what it is? Broody young Mel Gibson was almost enough to make me forget what a piece of shit he is, but obvious sacrificial lamb Linda Hunt was not enough to make me forget how Chinese she isn't.
Exporting Raymond (2010): Charming in places, with some fun glimpses into how some pretty obscure sausage gets made, but so much of it hinges on the extremely flawed premise of Everybody Loves Raymond NOT being painfully unfunny garbage.
Gun Crazy (1950): Hot and pulpy and just a ton of fun. Maybe it's been done better since, but that doesn't negate a second of the ride. Also TINY RUSS TAMBLYN OH MY GODDDDDDD
Dislocation Blues (2017): Beautiful and dreamy, sad but also not. In places?
Color Me Blood Red (1965): Kinda seems like it's trying to have a real plot for the first half hour or so, which was real weird! Would love a version where Adam immediately realizes that blood dries brown and he's done all of this for nothing, though.
Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020): HYPE FULFILLED. It's good, I liked it a lot, a satisfying trilogy after all these decades of being stuck in development hell, the daughters were scarily perfect, ROCK.
The Black Balloon (2012): Never have I related to a titular character more.
Basket Case (1982): DELIGHTFULLY PROBLEMATIC.
To Die By Your Side (2011): Okay, but why does the fun little bit of animated book cover whimsy have to be so damn horny? Skeletons don't even have dicks.
The New Mutants (2020): [footage not found]
Collateral (2004): After all these years, Tom Cruise's hair in this movie still haunts me deeply.
Trick or Treats (1982): Kinda worth it for the stupid fun opening scene and David Carradine being around for about five minutes, then the rest of it is an hour-long trip to the fireworks factory, which turns out to be closed. Of course that godawful kid was the director's son.
Rohmer in Paris (2013): Shit like this is why I'd rather die than be called a cinephile.
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964): Evil hillbillies is my favourite trope that has definitely made the current culture wars that much worse. REDNECK WICKER BRIGADOON, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE.
Field Niggas (2015): Random rewatch, still real nice!
The Gruesome Twosome (1967): Needed more scalpings.
The Video Dead (1987): Total trash, and the version I watched on YouTube was ripped from a shitty VHS with tracking errors and everything, perfect late night fall viewing.
Blood Feast (1963): YES, I know I just watched it like a week earlier, but that was on Shudder, this time it was on the Criterion Channel so it's ~c~i~n~e~m~a~
Carving Magic (1959): This hits WAY differently now that I recognize William Kerwin.
Necktie (2013): lol ok yorgos
Tim and Susan Have Matching Handguns (2014): YIKES. The whole ham-fisted attempt at a message from the first ten minutes of Gun Crazy, crammed into like 90 seconds. Genuinely haunting, particularly that one shot of their media shelf (I paused it, it's Serenity on DVD, season two of Sherlock on Blu-ray, From Dusk 'Til Dawn on Blu-ray, Duct Tape Forever on DVD, and the first five Fast/Furiouses on Blu-ray, with the first four coming from a matching set and a separate extended edition of Fast Five). Brrrrr.
Dear, Can I Give You a Hand? (2018): Absolutely loved the style, hated the subject matter a whole lot!
Glory at Sea (2008): Grabs holds and doesn't let go. 25 minutes of sheer magic.
Rabbit (2014): Short and sweet and beautiful. Sometimes the cage isn't so bad.
Re-Animator (1985): Everyone in this movie goes SO MUCH HARDER than they ever need to and I love it.
Cellular (2004): I hope Chris Evans has a better week.
So two weeks ago, we had just topped twenty active COVID cases for the first time, and then the long weekend happened, and suddenly we were over sixty? So that's great, that's all kicking off. Just gonna... sit in my bubble and hope, living with a high schooler means my ability to avoid much of anything is pretty much nil. We were doing so well for so long! Fuck all y'all!
I feel like I had stuff I wanted to say but it's all gone now. It's bullshit how much easier saving money is once you have some of it, is that a thing worth bitching about, or is it too self-evident at this point? Something something wrestling? Still trying to lose weight, but I end up retaining like five extra pounds during my period, so I have to wait a few more days to see if I'm still making progress or not? Really dreading the next round of inevitable film delays? idk idk I got nothing
To the movie spoiler zone! Maybe I should start alphabetizing these or something, this section is starting to feel real unwieldy?
Minor themes for the weeks included Herschell Gordon Lewis, random pretentious shorts, and a Bill & Ted rewatch!
Blood Feast (1963): Very bad and gross! Weirdly fun??
The Italian Job (2003): I've been meaning to watch the original for months now, ever since Alfie and Get Carter made me realize I needed more of my cocaine in my life, but this is the one that's on Netflix, so. Somehow the wired earpieces date it more than the constant references to Napster???
Kings Row (1942): I really resent how much this movie made me care about Ronald Reagan! He's so good in it! Ugh, what the fuck! Fun and charming in the first half, then when the mid-movie pivot happens (catching me COMPLETELY off-guard, I had no idea what this movie was even about, so when Cassandra died halfway through I was like ????? BUT) and he takes the focus, he carries it fantastically. Not knowing how it all ended, I was SO INVESTED in Drake pulling through, I NEEDED him to be okay in the end and spent the whole thing just waiting for them to go full Million Dollar Baby and they DON'T and it's GREAT and I was SO HAPPY and then I looked up how the book ended and I was EVEN HAPPIER THAT THEY DIDN'T DO THAT, GOD DAMN. And yeah, maybe the happy ending is a little incongruous with the overarching themes (this shit is basically turn-of-the-century Blue Velvet, it rules), but they had to compromise on so many other things along the way, I don't mind the change that gets me a little goddamn emotional satisfaction over narrative perfection, especially since one of the other changes was REAL bad (he didn't kill his daughter because he'd been raping her for years and was jealous of Parris! it was a MERCY murder/suicide, because he didn't want her to go crazy like her mom! fucking YIKES). Anyway, this movie was real good.
Marc Jacobs (2014): Man, fuck that kid's dad!
Devil's Doorway (1950): It's a seventy-year-old Cowboys vs. Indians movie where the cowboys are the CLEAR bad guys! What! It's still pretty sympathetic toward their motivations, with the mealy-mouthed lady lawyer constantly equivocating about how they're ALL just trying to survive out there and why can't Lance just compromise with the white guys stealing his land?? But the film never really lets up on being all about the racism and genocide that built America and how deeply fucked up it was, and it's pretty great? Could have been something really special with an actual native guy in the lead instead of Robert Taylor in brownface. As it is, it's a deeply frustrating watch, but in mostly good ways?
The Magnificent Ambersons (1942): As much as I'd like to see the proper ending, I'm not convinced the big, infamous lost version would be better, honestly. This shit is fantastic and it's tight. Masterpieces don't all need to be 2+ hours!
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989): Rewatching for new movie hype!
A Fistful of Dollars (1964): I still really miss my Maestro. :(
The Gore Gore Girls (1972): Or possibly Blood Orgy? The name on the box and the actual title in the movie itself did not match. Anyway, whenever someone wasn't getting murdered, all I could think was 'when is someone gonna get murdered already' and whenever someone was getting murdered, all I could think was 'EW EW EW EW STOP STOP STOP STOP.'
Mary Last Seen (2010): Maybe you need to have seen Martha Marcy May Marlene to get much out of this? Deeply uncomfortable in ways that I didn't particularly want to dwell on. Eh.
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991): Hype hype hype!!!
Buy It Now (2005): I'm just old enough that this made me want to turn myself inside out in cringing recognition of my own misspent youth.
The Wizard of Gore (1970): I LOVED THIS, pretty much entirely due to Montag himself, dude fuckin' rules. And that ridiculously dumb ending where it's just like 'NO THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, WHO EVEN CARES' and the answer is nobody, because it's just stupid and fun as hell.
The Year of Living Dangerously (1982): 'Exotic foreign plights as thinly-sketched backdrop for angsty white people', eeeeech. Good for what it is? Broody young Mel Gibson was almost enough to make me forget what a piece of shit he is, but obvious sacrificial lamb Linda Hunt was not enough to make me forget how Chinese she isn't.
Exporting Raymond (2010): Charming in places, with some fun glimpses into how some pretty obscure sausage gets made, but so much of it hinges on the extremely flawed premise of Everybody Loves Raymond NOT being painfully unfunny garbage.
Gun Crazy (1950): Hot and pulpy and just a ton of fun. Maybe it's been done better since, but that doesn't negate a second of the ride. Also TINY RUSS TAMBLYN OH MY GODDDDDDD
Dislocation Blues (2017): Beautiful and dreamy, sad but also not. In places?
Color Me Blood Red (1965): Kinda seems like it's trying to have a real plot for the first half hour or so, which was real weird! Would love a version where Adam immediately realizes that blood dries brown and he's done all of this for nothing, though.
Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020): HYPE FULFILLED. It's good, I liked it a lot, a satisfying trilogy after all these decades of being stuck in development hell, the daughters were scarily perfect, ROCK.
The Black Balloon (2012): Never have I related to a titular character more.
Basket Case (1982): DELIGHTFULLY PROBLEMATIC.
To Die By Your Side (2011): Okay, but why does the fun little bit of animated book cover whimsy have to be so damn horny? Skeletons don't even have dicks.
The New Mutants (2020): [footage not found]
Collateral (2004): After all these years, Tom Cruise's hair in this movie still haunts me deeply.
Trick or Treats (1982): Kinda worth it for the stupid fun opening scene and David Carradine being around for about five minutes, then the rest of it is an hour-long trip to the fireworks factory, which turns out to be closed. Of course that godawful kid was the director's son.
Rohmer in Paris (2013): Shit like this is why I'd rather die than be called a cinephile.
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964): Evil hillbillies is my favourite trope that has definitely made the current culture wars that much worse. REDNECK WICKER BRIGADOON, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE.
Field Niggas (2015): Random rewatch, still real nice!
The Gruesome Twosome (1967): Needed more scalpings.
The Video Dead (1987): Total trash, and the version I watched on YouTube was ripped from a shitty VHS with tracking errors and everything, perfect late night fall viewing.
Blood Feast (1963): YES, I know I just watched it like a week earlier, but that was on Shudder, this time it was on the Criterion Channel so it's ~c~i~n~e~m~a~
Carving Magic (1959): This hits WAY differently now that I recognize William Kerwin.
Necktie (2013): lol ok yorgos
Tim and Susan Have Matching Handguns (2014): YIKES. The whole ham-fisted attempt at a message from the first ten minutes of Gun Crazy, crammed into like 90 seconds. Genuinely haunting, particularly that one shot of their media shelf (I paused it, it's Serenity on DVD, season two of Sherlock on Blu-ray, From Dusk 'Til Dawn on Blu-ray, Duct Tape Forever on DVD, and the first five Fast/Furiouses on Blu-ray, with the first four coming from a matching set and a separate extended edition of Fast Five). Brrrrr.
Dear, Can I Give You a Hand? (2018): Absolutely loved the style, hated the subject matter a whole lot!
Glory at Sea (2008): Grabs holds and doesn't let go. 25 minutes of sheer magic.
Rabbit (2014): Short and sweet and beautiful. Sometimes the cage isn't so bad.
Re-Animator (1985): Everyone in this movie goes SO MUCH HARDER than they ever need to and I love it.
Cellular (2004): I hope Chris Evans has a better week.
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Very small, very twisted, and very mad.
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