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Awards Season: Week 8
Another week in the can and the weather is GORGEOUS. It tipped above zero today! The sun is shining! Well, it's not shining NOW, since it's well after 5PM, but still! BEAUTIFUL. I want to take off my coat and go make disgusting slush angels.
Really want to order food. I was good last week! But now I'm in a very "whats even the POINT of holding back, it's not like I CAN'T afford to eat out every single day of my life, sure it'd be NICE to have that extra money, but it'd also be nice to have a burrito right now" sort of mood. Hrngh. I don't know. I don't know! I brought li'l snackums and everything, but I DON'T WANT THEM. It probably doesn't help that my period really kicked my ass this weekend. The worst of it is over, but might that be enough of an excuse to cheat this week?
Mom finally bought new tires to replace the completely bald ones she's been driving on for actual years, so I can't even be TOO annoyed that I had to front the cash for them. It's a safety thing! But still. Big oof. Tires ain't cheap!
Picard made me real happy. LOOK AT BANNER, JEAN-LUC. What a time to love Trek!
That aside, I continue to make very little time for television these days. There are just too! Many! Movies!
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014): Phase 2 of the MCU continues to mix things up in interesting ways, proving that 'superhero' isn't really a genre in and of itself. You can do stuff other than straight action/adventure with them! This remains a solid fucking movie (ROBERT FUCKING REDFORD), but man, I can't wait for them to finally make me care about Bucky so I can go back and REALLY be into it (I have faith!).
Dolittle (2020): Well. It's not the WORST movie I've ever watched for RDJ, so there's that. It's real bad, though. XD This thing was so clearly frankensteined together in post from... something else entirely, and I'm DESPERATELY curious to know what the fuck the original cut of this thing looked like. I doubt it was ever GOOD, but it was probably at least coherent at one time, possibly with RDJ doing a completely different accent??? lol there is a very long scene of clearing out a dragon's colon and every dude in this is an oscar nominee #releasethegaghancut
What Did Jack Do? (2017): NEW LYNCH!!!! Well, new old Lynch. Still!!!! I am happy camper! This was delightful, and a shockingly perfect double feature with Dolittle.
Mulholland Drive (2001): Of course, I will also always be on my regular Lynch bullshit, too. No hay banda!
Mrs. Miniver (1942): I'm sure this kind of hokey, melodramatic, inspiration-in-the-face-of-tragedy porn was exactly the sort of thing Britain desperately needed in 1942, so it doesn't seem super fair of me to judge it now, but MAN it's cheesy. Still, Garson's great in it, and the swerve with the daughter-in-law getting killed instead of the RAF pilot son after they spent two hours telegraphing his imminent doom was well done. Also, the nasty old bat throwing the rose competition to make the old train guy happy made me cry (SHUT UP).
A Clockwork Orange (1971): 'Death by dickbutt statue' has got to be one of the most unfortunate ways to go. It's A Clockwork Orange! What do you want me to say! Not my favourite Kubrick, but required viewing for all humans, etc., etc.
Demon Seed (1977): THE THEME IS NOW '70s SCI-FI. SETTLE IN BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE FOR A WHILE. Oh man, what an awful movie. XD At least we've known smart homes are a terrible idea for more than forty years now. AND YET PEOPLE ARE STILL OUT THERE OUTSOURCING THEIR FUCKING LIGHTS AND LOCKS TO THIRD PARTY APPS.
Logan's Run (1976): I think this was the first time I've watched it since turning 30, which certainly changes the vibe somewhat, but man, I still love this stupid fucking movie. Peter Ustinov rambling on about Macavity and Gus the Theatre Cat is iconic as fuq, and Jessica going outside for the first time in her life, having a lizard crawl up her dress, and immediately deciding she fucking hates the outdoors is a MOOD. Also, I... never realized before this week that she was the councilwoman from Winter Soldier, OOPS.
No Blade of Grass (1970): OOF, this movie was rough. I love how it posits itself as a climate change parable with all sorts of hilariously unsubtle consumerism commentary, but then just immediately stops giving a shit about that to have them go full 'survivors on the run'. It's certainly an INTERESTING approach to follow a group of the asshole survivors ready and willing to murder other people for their stuff, but it also makes it tough to care much about any of them. Also, I think I'm going to start playing a game called 'Will a Single One of These Movies NOT Have Boobs in Them?' So far we are four for four on the titties and 3/4 for violent rape scenes (meanwhile, Logan-5 understands that consent can be revoked at any time! It's refreshing!).
The Omega Man (1971): All the stuff that's just Charlton Heston driving around the big, empty city, occasionally shooting at vampire cultists is GREAT, just phenomenal. Once the other random survivors show up, it's... fine. Itty bitty Eric Laneuville was ADORABLE. Boobs? CHECK. There's only one adult female character in this thing, of course she gets naked!
The Terminal Man (1974): I don't think I get this movie, lol. The moral seems to be "don't fuck with people's brains" which, okay, not a terrible moral, except... he was violent before the procedure, too? They didn't DO that to him! I guess they made the seizures... worse? Except we never saw what his seizures looked like before, he already attacked three people, he could have been on the path to murdertown anyway! Also, the first half of this movie is almost IMPRESSIVELY slow and boring, like I genuinely kinda loved its commitment to taking its sweet-ass time. That surgery scene, my god! It felt like I was watching it in real time! Also, this movie is TITTY-FREE, there is a shoulders-up shower scene that plays out like a Psycho homage and that's IT.
THX 1138 (1971): Confusing worldbuilding, confusing plot, confusing character motivations, just... a confusing time, all around. I definitely see why Lucas decided to stick to the hero's journey when he made Star Wars. Still, there's lots of style, and you can definitely see that there's real vision powering the whole weird thing, so it's worth a watch. But GOD, the shitty 2004 CGI monkeys at the end, JUST LEAVE THE PAST ALONE, GEORGE, FUCK. Boobs? CHECK. Also, naked Robert Duvall tries to fight some robots with a polearm.
The Ultimate Warrior (1975): Yeah, that's pretty much how I remember 2012. I love how this movie is wholly uninterested in digging into the hows and whys of the apocalypse, just FUCK IT, SOCIETY'S DONE, JUST GO WITH IT. There was a plague so seeds are real important, fuck off, it doesn't matter. The ultimate warrior: good at fighting, not so great at getting where he needs to be in time to actually save people, though?? Dude loves showing up just a smidge too late. Boobs? NOPE. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR IS A FIGHTER, NOT A LOVER. There was a near rape scene, but the woman seemed to just die before it got that far? She was REAL dumb, so I didn't feel too bad.
Westworld (1973): Feels more like a precursor to Jurassic Park than Westworld (the show), but still pretty neat. It's not deep! It's just robots going haywire at a theme park, but it's just such a cool idea, the cowboy aesthetic combined with robot shenanigans and the sterility of the behind the scenes, I love it a lot! The last act is straight up just Yul Brynner as a Terminator, and it's AWESOME. Most importantly, how have I never noticed how much Christian Bale looks like James Brolin before this? Because like... if I didn't know when this movie came out, I'd have just assumed it was Bale, it's EERIE.
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014): There are a few MCU moments that I recall giving me straight up chills in the theatre, and seeing a friggin' Celestial in all its weird, spooky, Kirby glory, was one of the greatest. We don't have to compromise anymore! Galactus doesn't have to be a cloud forever! We can just see this crazy shit on screen now! This movie did so much to grow the universe and it all just makes me so happy, god. I also think the VFX people deserve more kudos here than for any other movie, some of the acting on Rocket in particular is just SO GOOD. There are other things I love a lot, too. Surely I've mentioned them before.
Really want to order food. I was good last week! But now I'm in a very "whats even the POINT of holding back, it's not like I CAN'T afford to eat out every single day of my life, sure it'd be NICE to have that extra money, but it'd also be nice to have a burrito right now" sort of mood. Hrngh. I don't know. I don't know! I brought li'l snackums and everything, but I DON'T WANT THEM. It probably doesn't help that my period really kicked my ass this weekend. The worst of it is over, but might that be enough of an excuse to cheat this week?
Mom finally bought new tires to replace the completely bald ones she's been driving on for actual years, so I can't even be TOO annoyed that I had to front the cash for them. It's a safety thing! But still. Big oof. Tires ain't cheap!
Picard made me real happy. LOOK AT BANNER, JEAN-LUC. What a time to love Trek!
That aside, I continue to make very little time for television these days. There are just too! Many! Movies!
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014): Phase 2 of the MCU continues to mix things up in interesting ways, proving that 'superhero' isn't really a genre in and of itself. You can do stuff other than straight action/adventure with them! This remains a solid fucking movie (ROBERT FUCKING REDFORD), but man, I can't wait for them to finally make me care about Bucky so I can go back and REALLY be into it (I have faith!).
Dolittle (2020): Well. It's not the WORST movie I've ever watched for RDJ, so there's that. It's real bad, though. XD This thing was so clearly frankensteined together in post from... something else entirely, and I'm DESPERATELY curious to know what the fuck the original cut of this thing looked like. I doubt it was ever GOOD, but it was probably at least coherent at one time, possibly with RDJ doing a completely different accent??? lol there is a very long scene of clearing out a dragon's colon and every dude in this is an oscar nominee #releasethegaghancut
What Did Jack Do? (2017): NEW LYNCH!!!! Well, new old Lynch. Still!!!! I am happy camper! This was delightful, and a shockingly perfect double feature with Dolittle.
Mulholland Drive (2001): Of course, I will also always be on my regular Lynch bullshit, too. No hay banda!
Mrs. Miniver (1942): I'm sure this kind of hokey, melodramatic, inspiration-in-the-face-of-tragedy porn was exactly the sort of thing Britain desperately needed in 1942, so it doesn't seem super fair of me to judge it now, but MAN it's cheesy. Still, Garson's great in it, and the swerve with the daughter-in-law getting killed instead of the RAF pilot son after they spent two hours telegraphing his imminent doom was well done. Also, the nasty old bat throwing the rose competition to make the old train guy happy made me cry (SHUT UP).
A Clockwork Orange (1971): 'Death by dickbutt statue' has got to be one of the most unfortunate ways to go. It's A Clockwork Orange! What do you want me to say! Not my favourite Kubrick, but required viewing for all humans, etc., etc.
Demon Seed (1977): THE THEME IS NOW '70s SCI-FI. SETTLE IN BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE FOR A WHILE. Oh man, what an awful movie. XD At least we've known smart homes are a terrible idea for more than forty years now. AND YET PEOPLE ARE STILL OUT THERE OUTSOURCING THEIR FUCKING LIGHTS AND LOCKS TO THIRD PARTY APPS.
Logan's Run (1976): I think this was the first time I've watched it since turning 30, which certainly changes the vibe somewhat, but man, I still love this stupid fucking movie. Peter Ustinov rambling on about Macavity and Gus the Theatre Cat is iconic as fuq, and Jessica going outside for the first time in her life, having a lizard crawl up her dress, and immediately deciding she fucking hates the outdoors is a MOOD. Also, I... never realized before this week that she was the councilwoman from Winter Soldier, OOPS.
No Blade of Grass (1970): OOF, this movie was rough. I love how it posits itself as a climate change parable with all sorts of hilariously unsubtle consumerism commentary, but then just immediately stops giving a shit about that to have them go full 'survivors on the run'. It's certainly an INTERESTING approach to follow a group of the asshole survivors ready and willing to murder other people for their stuff, but it also makes it tough to care much about any of them. Also, I think I'm going to start playing a game called 'Will a Single One of These Movies NOT Have Boobs in Them?' So far we are four for four on the titties and 3/4 for violent rape scenes (meanwhile, Logan-5 understands that consent can be revoked at any time! It's refreshing!).
The Omega Man (1971): All the stuff that's just Charlton Heston driving around the big, empty city, occasionally shooting at vampire cultists is GREAT, just phenomenal. Once the other random survivors show up, it's... fine. Itty bitty Eric Laneuville was ADORABLE. Boobs? CHECK. There's only one adult female character in this thing, of course she gets naked!
The Terminal Man (1974): I don't think I get this movie, lol. The moral seems to be "don't fuck with people's brains" which, okay, not a terrible moral, except... he was violent before the procedure, too? They didn't DO that to him! I guess they made the seizures... worse? Except we never saw what his seizures looked like before, he already attacked three people, he could have been on the path to murdertown anyway! Also, the first half of this movie is almost IMPRESSIVELY slow and boring, like I genuinely kinda loved its commitment to taking its sweet-ass time. That surgery scene, my god! It felt like I was watching it in real time! Also, this movie is TITTY-FREE, there is a shoulders-up shower scene that plays out like a Psycho homage and that's IT.
THX 1138 (1971): Confusing worldbuilding, confusing plot, confusing character motivations, just... a confusing time, all around. I definitely see why Lucas decided to stick to the hero's journey when he made Star Wars. Still, there's lots of style, and you can definitely see that there's real vision powering the whole weird thing, so it's worth a watch. But GOD, the shitty 2004 CGI monkeys at the end, JUST LEAVE THE PAST ALONE, GEORGE, FUCK. Boobs? CHECK. Also, naked Robert Duvall tries to fight some robots with a polearm.
The Ultimate Warrior (1975): Yeah, that's pretty much how I remember 2012. I love how this movie is wholly uninterested in digging into the hows and whys of the apocalypse, just FUCK IT, SOCIETY'S DONE, JUST GO WITH IT. There was a plague so seeds are real important, fuck off, it doesn't matter. The ultimate warrior: good at fighting, not so great at getting where he needs to be in time to actually save people, though?? Dude loves showing up just a smidge too late. Boobs? NOPE. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR IS A FIGHTER, NOT A LOVER. There was a near rape scene, but the woman seemed to just die before it got that far? She was REAL dumb, so I didn't feel too bad.
Westworld (1973): Feels more like a precursor to Jurassic Park than Westworld (the show), but still pretty neat. It's not deep! It's just robots going haywire at a theme park, but it's just such a cool idea, the cowboy aesthetic combined with robot shenanigans and the sterility of the behind the scenes, I love it a lot! The last act is straight up just Yul Brynner as a Terminator, and it's AWESOME. Most importantly, how have I never noticed how much Christian Bale looks like James Brolin before this? Because like... if I didn't know when this movie came out, I'd have just assumed it was Bale, it's EERIE.
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014): There are a few MCU moments that I recall giving me straight up chills in the theatre, and seeing a friggin' Celestial in all its weird, spooky, Kirby glory, was one of the greatest. We don't have to compromise anymore! Galactus doesn't have to be a cloud forever! We can just see this crazy shit on screen now! This movie did so much to grow the universe and it all just makes me so happy, god. I also think the VFX people deserve more kudos here than for any other movie, some of the acting on Rocket in particular is just SO GOOD. There are other things I love a lot, too. Surely I've mentioned them before.
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