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Teddy Bear
Teddy died last night. The decline was very swift and steady as soon as we got home Friday night, so at least there were no surprises, but fuck, I'm sad. I spent both nights sleeping on the couch to keep her company, since she couldn't really go anywhere else. By yesterday morning, she couldn't stand up on her own anymore, so we just spent the day snuggling on the couch until she tried to head back over to her corner and I helped her along. We went out to see All Out at the theatre, and she must have left pretty shortly after we said goodbye, since she was already stiff when we got back, right where we left her. I'll always wonder what might have happened if we'd been in a position to have a vet see her when she first fell sick last week (living somewhere they don't cost thousands of dollars just to see, not currently strapped for money on all fronts, not about to drive five hours for cancer treatments that really could not be rescheduled, etc.), if she could have been saved, if it would have been feasible or worth it, but after that night, she never seemed to be in any pain or distress beyond knowing something was wrong, so I have to believe it all worked out for the best. She was already a senior when we got her, so knowing our time with her would be limited was always part of the arrangement, and I feel really lucky that she fit in so well for the (not quite) five years she stayed with us. But fuck.
She was just. The absolute sweetest thing. Tiny grey ball of the softest fluff with these big six-toed monster paws, the saddest eyes you ever saw, endlessly loving from the instant she came into our home after losing her old one, always climbing onto you looking for hugs or just a warm chest to sleep on. She had to learn to stick up for herself around bossy Bub (and may have eventually learned to be a little bit louder after picking up her bad habits), but never at the cost of her sweetness. Just one of the absolute most loving creatures I've ever known. I'm gonna miss her a whole lot.
Her name was actually Bear, at least for most of her life; her sister was named Teddy, a long-haired black-and-white beauty, and she's the one we were originally going to get, as my mom has always been obsessed with naming something Theodora and calling it Teddy for short and figured that particular Facebook post was a sign. But Teddy had already been given away by the time my mom got there, and she came home with the sad-eyed shorthair instead, deciding to call her Teddy Bear to split the difference (our dog's name was already Little Bear so it'd be too confusing otherwise, obviously).
My brother helped me bury her in the yard this morning (he came back with us to pack up the last of his stuff and was gone again in the afternoon). Not as deep as I'd have liked before we hit too many rocks to keep going, but we found some old broken paving slabs to put on top that should keep her from getting disturbed any time soon. I can't stop thinking about my mom, all alone at that end of the house now, still feeling all scrungly from her first round of chemo and now without her constant cuddle buddy or her son constantly shouting in the room next to hers, but I don't know what to do to help any aside from hanging out in the living room a bit more? And then leaving on vacation for a couple of weeks, I guess!
Ugh, I pretty much just start crying every time I go too long without any distractions, so I guess I'd better keep trying to find distractions or I'm gonna give myself a wicked headache. One more day before I go back to work and I desperately wish I could justify just... not doing that.
She was just. The absolute sweetest thing. Tiny grey ball of the softest fluff with these big six-toed monster paws, the saddest eyes you ever saw, endlessly loving from the instant she came into our home after losing her old one, always climbing onto you looking for hugs or just a warm chest to sleep on. She had to learn to stick up for herself around bossy Bub (and may have eventually learned to be a little bit louder after picking up her bad habits), but never at the cost of her sweetness. Just one of the absolute most loving creatures I've ever known. I'm gonna miss her a whole lot.
Her name was actually Bear, at least for most of her life; her sister was named Teddy, a long-haired black-and-white beauty, and she's the one we were originally going to get, as my mom has always been obsessed with naming something Theodora and calling it Teddy for short and figured that particular Facebook post was a sign. But Teddy had already been given away by the time my mom got there, and she came home with the sad-eyed shorthair instead, deciding to call her Teddy Bear to split the difference (our dog's name was already Little Bear so it'd be too confusing otherwise, obviously).
My brother helped me bury her in the yard this morning (he came back with us to pack up the last of his stuff and was gone again in the afternoon). Not as deep as I'd have liked before we hit too many rocks to keep going, but we found some old broken paving slabs to put on top that should keep her from getting disturbed any time soon. I can't stop thinking about my mom, all alone at that end of the house now, still feeling all scrungly from her first round of chemo and now without her constant cuddle buddy or her son constantly shouting in the room next to hers, but I don't know what to do to help any aside from hanging out in the living room a bit more? And then leaving on vacation for a couple of weeks, I guess!
Ugh, I pretty much just start crying every time I go too long without any distractions, so I guess I'd better keep trying to find distractions or I'm gonna give myself a wicked headache. One more day before I go back to work and I desperately wish I could justify just... not doing that.
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I am mad at the universe for piling all this on you at once, universe: fucking quit it
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<3