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Dynamite/Rampage/Full Gear (11.10.21 - 11.14.21)
hahahaha i'm a shambles
what a good-ass week of wrestling
and I still have three days off work left to recover!! thank christ!
Bryan Danielson vs. Rocky Romero: Rockyyyyyyyy~ :3 A little bittersweet hearing his Roppongi Vice theme with Trent still out and recovering from his neck surgery, but this whole angle where ALL OF THE BEST FRIENDS are now apparently in CHAOS is fucking hilarious and I love it. The Okada zoom out when they hug was foreshadowing all along!! A low-key banger to open the show.
...followed immediately by Top Team/Inner Circle garbage, sigh. At least they got it out of the way early this week. Jericho went through a table or something, who even gives a shit.
Britt Baker, Jamie Hayter & Rebel vs. Tay Conti, Anna Jay & Thunder Rosa: I like that they've been giving the women more of these random tag matches lately; it's not a substitute for actually giving them more screen time (heaven forbid), but it's an easy way to give more of them a chance to get to do cool shit on TV regularly while furthering multiple storylines at once. Also we got to hear the TayJay theme! That doesn't get played nearly enough!
Jungle Boy vs. Anthony Bowens: Jungle Boy/Anna Jay is officially canon as of the opening freestyle rap, good for them. Max telling Jungle Boy that he's his fetish was... interesting? Anyway, Bowens continues to be super underrated and I suspect that will be the case for as long as the Acclaimed is a thing, but hey, over is over, and this was a really solid little match of little consequence to make JB look like a star, just like the bit with Bobby Fish jumping him after the match? Apparently Adam Cole sicced Fish on him, and this is one of those things that is a little bit lost on me, because it hinges on these men having a connection from their WWE days that I know nothing about. They were in a faction together? Called the Undisputed Era? With some Kyle guy that everyone seems to think might also show up in AEW at some point? Adam introduced Bobby to the Bucks and there were some winky nods to their past that I kinda twigged onto, so we'll see if that goes anywhere I guess!
Wardlow vs. Wheeler Yuta: Precious Yoots got squashed again. :( At least he's now a true member of CHAOS, since I get the impression nobody in that faction ever gets helped when they get their asses beat down on ever, lol. I guess this is to keep pushing the Orange/Hardy feud that will never end? Save him.
PARKING LOT EDDIE KINGSTON/CM PUNK CONFRONTATION SAVED ME, PERSONALLY, AT LEAST. The way it starts in medias res, like the camera guy just got there, such a simple way to make it feel way less scripted. The way Eddie's walking away and then the camera has to whip back because OH HE'S SPRINTING NOW OH SHIT. The way Ruby's always the one trying to calm his ass down. I LOVE THESE ANGRY OLD MEN SO MUCH.
Matt Sydal & Lee Moriarty vs. Dante Martin & Lio Rush: Absolutely crazy, so glad to finally see Lio get to show off what he can do in an AEW ring. Dante continues to fight his one-man war against gravity, Lee still feels like a main event-ready talent, and Matt is Matt, the stolid vet this fucking flipfest is built around. In case it wasn't clear, the theme of the go-home shows this week was very much just... fantastic wrestling. No big in-ring stories tied to the card, most of the matches only set up PPV angles tangentially at best, just some great fights to kinda clear the decks ahead of the big show. Such a cool choice.
Miro package where he continues this hilariweird 'I can't fuck my wife until God forgives me' angle of his, which means Bryan is a walking cockblock until Miro defeats him and I just?? How does he make these promos work?? It's the strangest shit and I LOVE it.
PAC vs. Dax Harwood: Oh look, it's anothering random match that plays out amazingly, just two brilliant athletes showing off for like fifteen minutes since the main event this week isn't a wrestling match and we have some time to kill. And then it sets up a random tag match for Cody at Full Gear for some reason. Because heaven forbid he sit one out, lol WHATEVER GIMME MALAKAI ON A PAPE.
Contract Signing: Oh geez. Oooooooh geez. I knew this was gonna be a lot, and it was simultaneously less than and more than I was anticipating. Hangman saying that he doesn't know what's left to even say rings true, because after everything, what CAN you even say? But there's still shit that needs to be said, so... again, what can you do? And he WOULD leave it at that, say what he needs to say in the ring at Full Gear, but of Kenny's gotta run his mouth, spew all of his blackness and insecurities all over the place, bringing up Full Gear LAST year and his condescending little 'proud of you' dig, and all his talk about seeing himself in Hangman is such a 'saying the quiet part loud' moment because he's STILL doing it, he just projects his insecurities instead of the things he WANTS to see in himself, not that he'll ever acknowledge THOSE. Not as long as he has Don in his corner, whispering poison in his ear from behind the scenes and how brilliant was the way they planted those 'the IMPACT/AEW partnership is over' seeds in the dirt sheets even though that feels like a misunderstanding of what the partnership was in the first place so that we'd think he had maybe gone away for good??? Oh my god this entire paragraph is gibberish, but whatever, Hangman seriously brought Kota up right to Kenny's face and then Kenny signed the contract in Hangman's blood, surely I can not be expected to be coherent in the face of all that???? WHAT A SHOW.
Jungle Boy vs. Bobby Fish: I'm not sure how I feel about Jungle Boy's scruff lately. Is he trying to look more grown up? More like a badass? More like his dad? I may just need to get used to it. A GOOD FIGHT. Adam Cole hugging it out with Bobby in the ring afterward was sweet.
And then. AND THEN. And then Hangman interrupted a SuperKliq promo and my fucking heart stopped. He had teased finally confronting the Bucks on Twitter the day before, so I had KINDA prepared myself, but I was never gonna be PREPARED prepared, you know? So yeah, he finally apologized for the shit he pulled on them last year when he was at his lowest, for fucking them over in the tag team gauntlet, for letting their friendship fall apart, but he also doesn't just roll over and tells them that he'll ruin them if they interfere with his Full Gear match and aaaaaaaaaaaah. The two biggest takeaways for me here were A) the way Adam Cole stepped to him at the beginning, all protective of the Bucks until they told him that it was okay, that he could back down in the face of this taller Adam; he's protective but not possessive of them and THAT'S why they're suddenly having such a great time with him after shuffling along in a parody of the old days, the good days with Kenny for months on end, and B) the way Matt ends the whole segment IMMEDIATELY as soon as Hangman's gone; something in there REALLY got through to him and he needs to take some time with his brother to figure out what it's gonna mean and that's not gonna be for us to see. Until it is. HANGMATT LIVES.
Jade Cargill vs. Santana Garrett: A shame that the only women's match was little more than another Jade squash shoehorned into the ACTUAL card. At least we got a fun spot with Red Velvet smashing a cake in Mark Sterling's face, as well as a reminder that Jade has only been wrestling for a year so please please please don't put the TBS belt on her please. GIMME THAT RED VELVET UPSET, I really love their feud, but that won't remain true if it's gonna stay so fucking one-sided. Also shoutout to the commentary, which was extra fucking awful and screamy this week, Jericho sucks and four men is too goddamn many for one booth.
Dante Martin vs. Ariya Daivari: New guy! Another WWE release I think? I've seen him pop up in IMPACT and NJPW, I think. He seems good! And then Team Taz tries to recruit Dante (I can't tell if they're using Lio's dead grandma as an angle here or if it's just a sad coincidence that they figured they might as well use) and lolololol he is just the prettiest girl at prom that everybody wants to ask out right now, huh?
Orange Cassidy vs. Matt Hardy in a Lumberjack Match: Okay so this sucked and this feud has been going on for way too goddamn long while driving home how stupid AEW's 'only girls can hit girls' rule is in practice, but it gave me Best Friends dressed as perfect sexy lumberjacks again, so actually... it was very good. Also Chuck and Yuta did the Antapult with Orange. ON TO THE PAY-PER-VIEW, I GUESS.
this is my sexuality
The Buy-In: Nyla Rose and Jamie Hayter vs. Thunder Rosa and Hikaru Shida: As much as it still sucks that, two years in, the women's division is still relegated to the buy-in and a title match and nothing else on a massive card, this was pretty much a perfect buy-in match, so. No big stakes but big names, great moves, gets you looking forward to where it's all going (the TBS Championship quarterfinals in this case), and a win for the good guys to start the night off on a high note. Good shit! I love everyone in this bar! Jamie Hayter still has the bangingest theme in AEW!
Oh also the Acclaimed try recruiting Dante before he has even given Team Taz an answer because HE IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL AND EVERYONE WANTS TO TAKE HIM TO PROM. Oh my god Darius needs to come back soon and rescue him from all this nonsense.
Oh also the Best Friends/HFO feud is STILL HAPPENING, but now Orange is dragging actual CHAOS members into it, which kinda rules, in an insane kinda way.
Darby Allin vs. MJF: Fucking incredible. I spent this whole thing just kinda boggling that this is the first time they've fought? They've got incredible chemistry, this whole match was just a masterclass in two dudes trying to kill each other and telling all sorts of little stories of their own along the way. MJF and his knee, man. I am SO ready (Wardlow) for someone to take that goddamn ring away from him already.
Lucha Brothers (c) vs. FTR for the AEW World Tag Team Championship: Another excellent match, like... these two teams don't have a TON of natural chemistry due to how disparate their styles are, but that's what makes them fun to watch, as long as it's not overdone. They're both just so good, and this PPV is really setting a new high water mark in terms of sheer quality of in-ring action, like goddamn. Did not love the weird, fucky ending, guessing it was to set up a rematch down the line, possibly title vs. title so they can get those damn AAA belts off of FTR, the LEAST LUCHA GUYS IN THE UNIVERSE.
Miro vs. Bryan Danielson (World Title Eliminator Tournament Final): One of those cool matches where I don't actually know who I want to win until the end comes and I'm disappointed. Obviously, it was supposed to be Mox here, so expecting them to just pivot to Miro being the first person to beat Danielson would be a big ask, but it would have been so cool and he would have been such a good first feud for Hangman, boo. Not that I think a Danielson program will be BAD, I just worry it won't have enough bite to really establish Hangman as the big babyface champion the company deserves after weathering the pandemic. Still, the match should be amazing and they'll BOTH be due rematches with Kenny, which could be interesting. And then when Mox is doing better, he can come back and really burn the place down, this was all really just a bonus addendum to whatever they're doing with Miro right now, so.
Young Bucks & Adam Cole vs. Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus & Christian Cage in a Falls Count Anywhere Match: OH MY GOD, SO PINK. I actually think that Brandon and the Bucks' gear was SO pink that it didn't properly show up on camera, their whole lower halves just glowed like a green screen malfunction, jesus christ. And that HAIR. Oh, it was HIDEOUS. How are they so good at continually finding new and innovative ways to look like total douchebags?? I'm not entirely sure what to make of Adam and the Bucks getting separate entrances, but it worked as a parallel to the team they were up against. Anyway, this match fucked. Tables and ladders and chairs and smooching while they cram Jungle Boy's mouth full of thumbtacks and thumbtack knee pads (Adam must have worked so hard making those for his friends) and Christian was seven years retired at the beginning of 2021 and now he is JUMPING OFF OF BALCONIES??? MY GUY. I wanted them to wander further from the main area than they did, but overall a great, fun match, and shockingly, the most intriguing character work ended up having nothing to do with Elite?? The whole situation with Christian getting Jungle Boy to give up his innocence is just so fascinatingly dark to me, like... when he hit that Conchairto on Adam a couple weeks ago, it was genuinely kinda horrific to watch? Just because it was the "good guy" doing it to the "bad guy" didn't really lessen the impact of the gratuitousness of the violence, and watching him spend this whole match trying to get Jungle Boy onto that level with him was honestly kinda upsetting! And it's framed as this big coming of age moment when he finally does it to Matt at the end, but the actual act and ensuing pin are treated with this solemnity, like 'oh, Jungle Boy is murdering a man, okay then' that lends this really fucked up feeling to Christian proudly hugging his adopted Tarzan and dinosaur sons at the end. Wrestling, man! This is the shit I love! REST IN PEACE MATT I GUESS, nah just kidding he'll be back to break my heart later hahahahaha
PAC and Cody Rhodes vs. Malakai Black and Andrade El Idolo: FINALLY a cooldown match, honestly this came like two hours into the show and I was SO WIRED by the unrelating pace of everything thus far, my body really needed this chance to calm down for a hot minute. Malakai is still the coolest motherfucker I've ever seen, Cody's still getting booed even though he's the good guy which rules, Andrade is still trying to fit in, PAC is still a perfect greasy goblin man, good shit all around, even if it just feels like an intermission in the actual card. I think maybe this whole match was put together as a dig towards WWE, all four of these guys come from there and the whole 'CAN THEY COEXIST' trope has been getting made fun of a lot lately.
Dr. Britt Baker, DMD (c) vs. Tay Conti for the AEW Women's World Championship: Good! Britt's whole reign has been so underwhelming, though, and this is kinda just another chapter in that story. Tay was never gonna win, the only reason she's in this match is because she racked up wins on Dark and rose in the rankings, there's no story behind the build, it's just a good match that happens and that's that, and there's nothing wrong with that in a vacuum, but... that's all Britt gets. She gets to talk shit on TV and bury her opponents at every opportunity, but they all feel like supporting characters instead of leads in their own right, so you never believe they have a chance to win. Ruby was the only decent feud she's had, and surprise surprise, Ruby is the only one who actually got to confront her on the mic in the build up to the match. Beyond that, it's just a never ending stream of catchphrases while we bide our time until Thunder Rosa comes back for a rematch. Bleh. Tay's big fight gear and hair and makeup looked fucking amazing, though. Dark Order should have come out for her, too, not just Hangman.
CM Punk vs. Eddie Kingston: IT'S ME, THE BLOODSLUT. Just two hot old men beating the everloving shit out of each other. Pure fucking serotonin. Fuck, this was so good. Fuck, I wanted Eddie to win so bad. I'm really sick of him losing all of these big amazing PPV matches, because it really feels like he can pull out the win every single goddamn time, and my heart gets broken all over again every time. At least the stakes here weren't too high, so it wasn't as bad as DoN or All Out, but still. They gotta pull the trigger on him eventually, or it'll start to feel like he shouldn't be getting these matches at all (which, to be clear, he absolutely should; second favourite match of the night, easy). Especially after reading his amazing piece in the Players' Tribune, put a fucking belt on this man before he's too far into the wrong side of 40, please and fucking thank you.
Inner Circle vs. Scorpio Sky, Ethan Page & American Top Team in a Minneapolis Street Fight: Yep, this sucked! I never want to see Dan fucking Lambert again! For the love of god, free Sammy and PnP from the eternal tyranny of the fucking Inner Circle already. At least it was in the right place on the card, as the (way too long) pre-main event bathroom break.
Jay Lethal is #AllElite! I guess he's got some sexual harassment allegations dogging him, which ain't great, but I'm guessing he's more of a sign of ROH signings to come, since from what I've seen (not a lot, I only really started following them a few months ago), he's just kinda whatever? Jonathan Gresham is right there, guys!
Kenny Omega (c) vs. Hangman Page for the AEW World Championship: When I woke up this morning, Hangman was the world champion, and nothing can take that feeling away from me. :3 Stray thoughts as I rewatch it yet again in lieu of one giant run-on sentence:
what a good-ass week of wrestling
and I still have three days off work left to recover!! thank christ!
Bryan Danielson vs. Rocky Romero: Rockyyyyyyyy~ :3 A little bittersweet hearing his Roppongi Vice theme with Trent still out and recovering from his neck surgery, but this whole angle where ALL OF THE BEST FRIENDS are now apparently in CHAOS is fucking hilarious and I love it. The Okada zoom out when they hug was foreshadowing all along!! A low-key banger to open the show.
...followed immediately by Top Team/Inner Circle garbage, sigh. At least they got it out of the way early this week. Jericho went through a table or something, who even gives a shit.
Britt Baker, Jamie Hayter & Rebel vs. Tay Conti, Anna Jay & Thunder Rosa: I like that they've been giving the women more of these random tag matches lately; it's not a substitute for actually giving them more screen time (heaven forbid), but it's an easy way to give more of them a chance to get to do cool shit on TV regularly while furthering multiple storylines at once. Also we got to hear the TayJay theme! That doesn't get played nearly enough!
Jungle Boy vs. Anthony Bowens: Jungle Boy/Anna Jay is officially canon as of the opening freestyle rap, good for them. Max telling Jungle Boy that he's his fetish was... interesting? Anyway, Bowens continues to be super underrated and I suspect that will be the case for as long as the Acclaimed is a thing, but hey, over is over, and this was a really solid little match of little consequence to make JB look like a star, just like the bit with Bobby Fish jumping him after the match? Apparently Adam Cole sicced Fish on him, and this is one of those things that is a little bit lost on me, because it hinges on these men having a connection from their WWE days that I know nothing about. They were in a faction together? Called the Undisputed Era? With some Kyle guy that everyone seems to think might also show up in AEW at some point? Adam introduced Bobby to the Bucks and there were some winky nods to their past that I kinda twigged onto, so we'll see if that goes anywhere I guess!
Wardlow vs. Wheeler Yuta: Precious Yoots got squashed again. :( At least he's now a true member of CHAOS, since I get the impression nobody in that faction ever gets helped when they get their asses beat down on ever, lol. I guess this is to keep pushing the Orange/Hardy feud that will never end? Save him.
PARKING LOT EDDIE KINGSTON/CM PUNK CONFRONTATION SAVED ME, PERSONALLY, AT LEAST. The way it starts in medias res, like the camera guy just got there, such a simple way to make it feel way less scripted. The way Eddie's walking away and then the camera has to whip back because OH HE'S SPRINTING NOW OH SHIT. The way Ruby's always the one trying to calm his ass down. I LOVE THESE ANGRY OLD MEN SO MUCH.
Matt Sydal & Lee Moriarty vs. Dante Martin & Lio Rush: Absolutely crazy, so glad to finally see Lio get to show off what he can do in an AEW ring. Dante continues to fight his one-man war against gravity, Lee still feels like a main event-ready talent, and Matt is Matt, the stolid vet this fucking flipfest is built around. In case it wasn't clear, the theme of the go-home shows this week was very much just... fantastic wrestling. No big in-ring stories tied to the card, most of the matches only set up PPV angles tangentially at best, just some great fights to kinda clear the decks ahead of the big show. Such a cool choice.
Miro package where he continues this hilariweird 'I can't fuck my wife until God forgives me' angle of his, which means Bryan is a walking cockblock until Miro defeats him and I just?? How does he make these promos work?? It's the strangest shit and I LOVE it.
PAC vs. Dax Harwood: Oh look, it's anothering random match that plays out amazingly, just two brilliant athletes showing off for like fifteen minutes since the main event this week isn't a wrestling match and we have some time to kill. And then it sets up a random tag match for Cody at Full Gear for some reason. Because heaven forbid he sit one out, lol WHATEVER GIMME MALAKAI ON A PAPE.
Contract Signing: Oh geez. Oooooooh geez. I knew this was gonna be a lot, and it was simultaneously less than and more than I was anticipating. Hangman saying that he doesn't know what's left to even say rings true, because after everything, what CAN you even say? But there's still shit that needs to be said, so... again, what can you do? And he WOULD leave it at that, say what he needs to say in the ring at Full Gear, but of Kenny's gotta run his mouth, spew all of his blackness and insecurities all over the place, bringing up Full Gear LAST year and his condescending little 'proud of you' dig, and all his talk about seeing himself in Hangman is such a 'saying the quiet part loud' moment because he's STILL doing it, he just projects his insecurities instead of the things he WANTS to see in himself, not that he'll ever acknowledge THOSE. Not as long as he has Don in his corner, whispering poison in his ear from behind the scenes and how brilliant was the way they planted those 'the IMPACT/AEW partnership is over' seeds in the dirt sheets even though that feels like a misunderstanding of what the partnership was in the first place so that we'd think he had maybe gone away for good??? Oh my god this entire paragraph is gibberish, but whatever, Hangman seriously brought Kota up right to Kenny's face and then Kenny signed the contract in Hangman's blood, surely I can not be expected to be coherent in the face of all that???? WHAT A SHOW.
Jungle Boy vs. Bobby Fish: I'm not sure how I feel about Jungle Boy's scruff lately. Is he trying to look more grown up? More like a badass? More like his dad? I may just need to get used to it. A GOOD FIGHT. Adam Cole hugging it out with Bobby in the ring afterward was sweet.
And then. AND THEN. And then Hangman interrupted a SuperKliq promo and my fucking heart stopped. He had teased finally confronting the Bucks on Twitter the day before, so I had KINDA prepared myself, but I was never gonna be PREPARED prepared, you know? So yeah, he finally apologized for the shit he pulled on them last year when he was at his lowest, for fucking them over in the tag team gauntlet, for letting their friendship fall apart, but he also doesn't just roll over and tells them that he'll ruin them if they interfere with his Full Gear match and aaaaaaaaaaaah. The two biggest takeaways for me here were A) the way Adam Cole stepped to him at the beginning, all protective of the Bucks until they told him that it was okay, that he could back down in the face of this taller Adam; he's protective but not possessive of them and THAT'S why they're suddenly having such a great time with him after shuffling along in a parody of the old days, the good days with Kenny for months on end, and B) the way Matt ends the whole segment IMMEDIATELY as soon as Hangman's gone; something in there REALLY got through to him and he needs to take some time with his brother to figure out what it's gonna mean and that's not gonna be for us to see. Until it is. HANGMATT LIVES.
Jade Cargill vs. Santana Garrett: A shame that the only women's match was little more than another Jade squash shoehorned into the ACTUAL card. At least we got a fun spot with Red Velvet smashing a cake in Mark Sterling's face, as well as a reminder that Jade has only been wrestling for a year so please please please don't put the TBS belt on her please. GIMME THAT RED VELVET UPSET, I really love their feud, but that won't remain true if it's gonna stay so fucking one-sided. Also shoutout to the commentary, which was extra fucking awful and screamy this week, Jericho sucks and four men is too goddamn many for one booth.
Dante Martin vs. Ariya Daivari: New guy! Another WWE release I think? I've seen him pop up in IMPACT and NJPW, I think. He seems good! And then Team Taz tries to recruit Dante (I can't tell if they're using Lio's dead grandma as an angle here or if it's just a sad coincidence that they figured they might as well use) and lolololol he is just the prettiest girl at prom that everybody wants to ask out right now, huh?
Orange Cassidy vs. Matt Hardy in a Lumberjack Match: Okay so this sucked and this feud has been going on for way too goddamn long while driving home how stupid AEW's 'only girls can hit girls' rule is in practice, but it gave me Best Friends dressed as perfect sexy lumberjacks again, so actually... it was very good. Also Chuck and Yuta did the Antapult with Orange. ON TO THE PAY-PER-VIEW, I GUESS.
this is my sexuality
The Buy-In: Nyla Rose and Jamie Hayter vs. Thunder Rosa and Hikaru Shida: As much as it still sucks that, two years in, the women's division is still relegated to the buy-in and a title match and nothing else on a massive card, this was pretty much a perfect buy-in match, so. No big stakes but big names, great moves, gets you looking forward to where it's all going (the TBS Championship quarterfinals in this case), and a win for the good guys to start the night off on a high note. Good shit! I love everyone in this bar! Jamie Hayter still has the bangingest theme in AEW!
Oh also the Acclaimed try recruiting Dante before he has even given Team Taz an answer because HE IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL AND EVERYONE WANTS TO TAKE HIM TO PROM. Oh my god Darius needs to come back soon and rescue him from all this nonsense.
Oh also the Best Friends/HFO feud is STILL HAPPENING, but now Orange is dragging actual CHAOS members into it, which kinda rules, in an insane kinda way.
Darby Allin vs. MJF: Fucking incredible. I spent this whole thing just kinda boggling that this is the first time they've fought? They've got incredible chemistry, this whole match was just a masterclass in two dudes trying to kill each other and telling all sorts of little stories of their own along the way. MJF and his knee, man. I am SO ready (Wardlow) for someone to take that goddamn ring away from him already.
Lucha Brothers (c) vs. FTR for the AEW World Tag Team Championship: Another excellent match, like... these two teams don't have a TON of natural chemistry due to how disparate their styles are, but that's what makes them fun to watch, as long as it's not overdone. They're both just so good, and this PPV is really setting a new high water mark in terms of sheer quality of in-ring action, like goddamn. Did not love the weird, fucky ending, guessing it was to set up a rematch down the line, possibly title vs. title so they can get those damn AAA belts off of FTR, the LEAST LUCHA GUYS IN THE UNIVERSE.
Miro vs. Bryan Danielson (World Title Eliminator Tournament Final): One of those cool matches where I don't actually know who I want to win until the end comes and I'm disappointed. Obviously, it was supposed to be Mox here, so expecting them to just pivot to Miro being the first person to beat Danielson would be a big ask, but it would have been so cool and he would have been such a good first feud for Hangman, boo. Not that I think a Danielson program will be BAD, I just worry it won't have enough bite to really establish Hangman as the big babyface champion the company deserves after weathering the pandemic. Still, the match should be amazing and they'll BOTH be due rematches with Kenny, which could be interesting. And then when Mox is doing better, he can come back and really burn the place down, this was all really just a bonus addendum to whatever they're doing with Miro right now, so.
Young Bucks & Adam Cole vs. Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus & Christian Cage in a Falls Count Anywhere Match: OH MY GOD, SO PINK. I actually think that Brandon and the Bucks' gear was SO pink that it didn't properly show up on camera, their whole lower halves just glowed like a green screen malfunction, jesus christ. And that HAIR. Oh, it was HIDEOUS. How are they so good at continually finding new and innovative ways to look like total douchebags?? I'm not entirely sure what to make of Adam and the Bucks getting separate entrances, but it worked as a parallel to the team they were up against. Anyway, this match fucked. Tables and ladders and chairs and smooching while they cram Jungle Boy's mouth full of thumbtacks and thumbtack knee pads (Adam must have worked so hard making those for his friends) and Christian was seven years retired at the beginning of 2021 and now he is JUMPING OFF OF BALCONIES??? MY GUY. I wanted them to wander further from the main area than they did, but overall a great, fun match, and shockingly, the most intriguing character work ended up having nothing to do with Elite?? The whole situation with Christian getting Jungle Boy to give up his innocence is just so fascinatingly dark to me, like... when he hit that Conchairto on Adam a couple weeks ago, it was genuinely kinda horrific to watch? Just because it was the "good guy" doing it to the "bad guy" didn't really lessen the impact of the gratuitousness of the violence, and watching him spend this whole match trying to get Jungle Boy onto that level with him was honestly kinda upsetting! And it's framed as this big coming of age moment when he finally does it to Matt at the end, but the actual act and ensuing pin are treated with this solemnity, like 'oh, Jungle Boy is murdering a man, okay then' that lends this really fucked up feeling to Christian proudly hugging his adopted Tarzan and dinosaur sons at the end. Wrestling, man! This is the shit I love! REST IN PEACE MATT I GUESS, nah just kidding he'll be back to break my heart later hahahahaha
PAC and Cody Rhodes vs. Malakai Black and Andrade El Idolo: FINALLY a cooldown match, honestly this came like two hours into the show and I was SO WIRED by the unrelating pace of everything thus far, my body really needed this chance to calm down for a hot minute. Malakai is still the coolest motherfucker I've ever seen, Cody's still getting booed even though he's the good guy which rules, Andrade is still trying to fit in, PAC is still a perfect greasy goblin man, good shit all around, even if it just feels like an intermission in the actual card. I think maybe this whole match was put together as a dig towards WWE, all four of these guys come from there and the whole 'CAN THEY COEXIST' trope has been getting made fun of a lot lately.
Dr. Britt Baker, DMD (c) vs. Tay Conti for the AEW Women's World Championship: Good! Britt's whole reign has been so underwhelming, though, and this is kinda just another chapter in that story. Tay was never gonna win, the only reason she's in this match is because she racked up wins on Dark and rose in the rankings, there's no story behind the build, it's just a good match that happens and that's that, and there's nothing wrong with that in a vacuum, but... that's all Britt gets. She gets to talk shit on TV and bury her opponents at every opportunity, but they all feel like supporting characters instead of leads in their own right, so you never believe they have a chance to win. Ruby was the only decent feud she's had, and surprise surprise, Ruby is the only one who actually got to confront her on the mic in the build up to the match. Beyond that, it's just a never ending stream of catchphrases while we bide our time until Thunder Rosa comes back for a rematch. Bleh. Tay's big fight gear and hair and makeup looked fucking amazing, though. Dark Order should have come out for her, too, not just Hangman.
CM Punk vs. Eddie Kingston: IT'S ME, THE BLOODSLUT. Just two hot old men beating the everloving shit out of each other. Pure fucking serotonin. Fuck, this was so good. Fuck, I wanted Eddie to win so bad. I'm really sick of him losing all of these big amazing PPV matches, because it really feels like he can pull out the win every single goddamn time, and my heart gets broken all over again every time. At least the stakes here weren't too high, so it wasn't as bad as DoN or All Out, but still. They gotta pull the trigger on him eventually, or it'll start to feel like he shouldn't be getting these matches at all (which, to be clear, he absolutely should; second favourite match of the night, easy). Especially after reading his amazing piece in the Players' Tribune, put a fucking belt on this man before he's too far into the wrong side of 40, please and fucking thank you.
Inner Circle vs. Scorpio Sky, Ethan Page & American Top Team in a Minneapolis Street Fight: Yep, this sucked! I never want to see Dan fucking Lambert again! For the love of god, free Sammy and PnP from the eternal tyranny of the fucking Inner Circle already. At least it was in the right place on the card, as the (way too long) pre-main event bathroom break.
Jay Lethal is #AllElite! I guess he's got some sexual harassment allegations dogging him, which ain't great, but I'm guessing he's more of a sign of ROH signings to come, since from what I've seen (not a lot, I only really started following them a few months ago), he's just kinda whatever? Jonathan Gresham is right there, guys!
Kenny Omega (c) vs. Hangman Page for the AEW World Championship: When I woke up this morning, Hangman was the world champion, and nothing can take that feeling away from me. :3 Stray thoughts as I rewatch it yet again in lieu of one giant run-on sentence:
- The crazy extra intro video for Hangman, riding a horse through Minneapolis with a CGI tumbleweed and all his lowest moments playing out on buildings amidst the swooping drone shots while still sparing a second for Dark Order being adorable and running to the arena with big 'let's go lesbians let's go' energy was amazing, this was really set up as his big moment from beginning to end.
- Kenny's new gear evoking his old Sephiroth vibes while still being its own thing, the final evolution of the Collector before he's finally dethroned.
- The long, pregnant look he gives to the WHAT WOULD KOTA THINK? sign in the crowd (which was apparently held by Mala's boyfriend?? wtf). What indeed?
- I don't know what Hangman did to his hair, but he needs to go back to the Garnier Fructis Curl Nourish ASAP, once the match was underway and it started to dry out, it looked FRIED, my guy was a v. frizzy champ by the end of the night. Gotta get that bounce back!
- At least the giant mane of hair added to the very feral little hangboy vibes he was giving off, have not seen THAT Page in a very long time! He was biting and everything!
- Someone DID end up kicking out of the One Winged Angel, but not Hangman, lol those fucking trolls. Still, Kenny teasing hitting the Buckshot but being unable to follow through while Hangman pulls off the OWA like it's Revolution 2020 all over again and they're still partners was extremely tasty. Combined with the way he hit the classic V-Trigger, it's just like... damn. Even now, even filled with rage and righteous fury, he's still trying to find a connection.
- That Springboard Liger Bomb off the ropes was fucking SICK.
- Paul Turner ate that Buckshot Lariat like a champ.
- The way Aubrey SPRINTED to the ring was hilarious, she doesn't want another bullshit finish like DoN!
- "NO, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER!"
- The way the beaten and battered Bucks are talking to each other as they hobble out from the back for the real soap opera finish to start. Mostly it's just Nick talking to Matt, it seems? I wonder if he was just making sure Matt could stay the course and do what they needed to do, like Matt couldn't when they turned on Mox all those months ago. And if he couldn't... well, Nick would back the play anyway, like he always does for his big brother.
- The parallels to when they belatedly came out to second Brandon in his final Dark match with Peter, oof my heart. Obviously, the stakes here are so much higher, but also these things are all relative, and one year after Hangman and Brandon drunkenly chucked pumpkins out of the back of a pickup truck together in their frustration about how the Bucks treated them compared to Kenny, it all comes full circle.
- Two years ago, Hangman asked the Bucks to be by his side while he fought for this title and they said no. Because of Kenny. Today, he asked them to stay away while he fought for this title... and here they are for him. Because of Kenny.
- Like, Nick just doesn't interfere. He stays on Kenny's side. It's MATT who walks all the way around the ring JUST so that he can look Hangman dead in the fucking eyes as he does sweet fuck all to help Kenny. They could have just not come out! But they were there to make a statement and finally stick up for their own damn selves in the face of everything Kenny has done to them (and to himself, for that matter). And you know that has to fucking KILL Matt, he loves Kenny so damn much. But this has been such a long time coming, Adam Cole's arrival was just the final push, the final lifeline they needed to be able to do what had to be done. Kenny has to be stopped, for his own sake, if no one else's.
- And it STILL might not have happened if Hangman hadn't apologized on Friday! Like! He just TALKED to them in private, treated them like adults and former friends that he respects, which is ALL they ever wanted. It's what they tried to get from Kenny for MONTHS, to no avail, until they finally just gave in and let him steamroll all over their sense of agency. All the punches and bleeding and knees to the head and snapdragon suplexes, but at the end of the day, it's a goddamn apology that wins. WRESTLING!!!
- Hangman slapping the beer out of Alex's hand to go for the big Dark Order group hug instead, at once a heart-stopping callback to Kenny shoving aside the IWGP title to go hug the Bucks years ago (as today they all hobble off together in the background, defeated) and a big character beat in and of itself. I like that his alcoholism wasn't magically cured the instant he started getting his feet back under him, but he's finally beyond needing a crutch.
- HEY HOWDY HEY, MY COWBOY'S THE WORLD CHAMPION. IT'S A LOT.
- oh my god BTE tomorrow is gonna hurt, isn't it