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Dynamite/Rampage (10.27.21/10.29.21)
A lovely, sunny Halloween day, with nought on the ground but green grass and crunchy yellow leaves. I... don't really know what to make of it, honestly. It's beautiful in its wrongness.
Gonna go to the movies later looking like Marge Simpson leaving the candy convention. And then it will be Christmas, I guess!
spooky scary wrestle nonsense to follow
Bobby Fish vs. CM Punk: It feels weird, Punk wrestling on Dynamite. Rampage is his show! What is he doing over here! A solid opener.
Malakai Black promo where he basically confirms my whole read of Cody last week, which was very gratifying. He's the bad guy now, whether he leans into it or not! Everybody hates him now! Malakai is just too fucking cool!
The Random MJF Squash Match: I guess it's nice for them to remind us that he actually wrestles occasionally before another one of his 'eww fat women lol' promos, bleh. At least it gave me a) Darby hiding in the audience dressed as the invisible man, b) another one of his weird artsy performance pieces, c) Wardlow taking a betacked skateboard nooooo haha you're so sexy, and d) MJF reminding us of his stupid diamond ring, furthering my theory that the Dynamite Diamond battle royale is where Wardlow will finally turn on him this year. Anyway, MJF vs. Darby at Full Gear, lfg.
Britt vs. Abadon on Rampage, which feels random, but I like that they tied it to something that happened on the Jericho cruise, even though none of that footage has actually been shown anywhere. Stuff happens off camera! Continuity with real life! It's fun!
Sammy Guevara (c) vs. Ethan Page for the AEW TNT Championship: In a vacuum, bell to bell, this match ruled and is exactly the sort of thing I want both of these guys to be doing. It's only when it ended and the garbage Inner Circle/Top Team crap came storming back in that it fell over. It's like they're trying to make me nostalgic for the endless Inner Circle/Pinnacle feud by coming up with something even fucking worse for them OH MY GOD JUST BREAK THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
Eddie Kingston continuing to normalize things like depression and taking medication for mental health issues while he Bryan go at each other in the locker room, I just love him so muuuuuuuuuuch~~~
Lucha Bros vs. FTR for the AEW tag title at Full Gear? I can dig it, even if it's kind of a rehash of Christian winning the Impact belt off of Kenny ahead of their AEW title match at All Out.
Serena Deeb vs. Hikaru Shida (TBS Championship Tournament): AND THEN THESE TWO COMPLETELY STOLE THE FUCKING SHOW. So fucking good, goddamn, even if my bracket is already completely busted wide open. I love how unpredictable women's tournaments are compared to the men! You know it's a good match when you only figure out who you want to win at the end, when it either happens or doesn't. Goddamn, I'm glad Shida got her 50th win in such a killer match, but I really wanted Serena to win this whole thing! Now who's it gonna be? Ruby? Please god not Jade. Really curious what Shida's leg getting fucked up will mean for the tournament! Is it just an excuse for her to lose to Nyla? Something to make her more of an underdog when she's coming into this thing as the holder of the longest championship reign in AEW history? Or maybe she can't continue and Deeb gets back in somehow, idk! idk idk! I love not knowing where this is all going!
10 vs. Jon Moxley (World Title Eliminator Tournament): Compared to this, which lol, everyone knows where THIS is all going, though goddamn, Mox went even more feral than I was prepared for. Tying it back to last year, when Mox broke 10's arm (because Dark Order were still bad guys and Mox was feuding with Brodie), was a real nice touch, and I'm glad he didn't wear his cool new mask for this, yes rip up and bleed all over the ugly old one please and thank you.
Very strange Cody promo where he seems to be pivoting from being obliviously blinded by his own glory into some sort of weird humiliation kink where he stops just shy of begging the audience to love him again. It's very unsettling! And then Andrade makes fun of his stupid terrible neck tattoo and while I hope Malakai gets himself into something different and fresh soon, I continue to enjoy this whole mess with them and PAC. Whatever tag team bout they're building towards should be nuts, just Cody and the NXT boyz.
Dark Order vs. The Elite: AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE HALLOWEEN MAIN EVENT TO END ALL HALLOWEEN MAIN EVENTS, THIS WHOLE THING WAS FOR ME! ME!!! First things first, I gotta grade the costumes:
First Place: Stu Grayson as Kratos from God of War
Second Place: Colt Cabana as Brandon Cutler
Third Place: Adam Cole, Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, and Kenny Omega as the Ghostbusters
Special Prizes: John Silver as Bambi, Anna Jay as Sexy Cow
Stu just looked great, Colt understood the assignment perfectly, and while the Elite lost points for using costumes they'd worn previously (though not in AEW), considering the circumstances (TNT found out about their planned Squid Game costumes and said no, boooo) I'm willing to give them a pass for the last-minute pivot. They had their own custom theme and everything, you gotta respect the hustle.
ANYWAY. This was silly, beautiful chaos, at once point the Elite did the iconic TMNT four-way jumping back smush move with proton packs for their shells and as soon as the head came off of the horse costume to reveal Brandon, I just started screaming 'OH MY GOD HANGMAN IS THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN' like a lunatic, and I'm so glad they're not afraid to have a bit of fun for the holidays even though Kenny/Hangman remains the hottest feud going with the most riding on it, the end. I love wrestling.
Bryan Danielson vs. Eddie Kingston (World Title Eliminator Tournament Semifinal): Well, my pipe dream of Eddie vs. Mox at Full Gear again is dead, but BOY what a fucking match, I can't even be mad about it. Also, I'm starting to wonder if there's something horribly wrong with Bryan's chest to make all of his blood vessels immediately explode when struck, he looked like he was made out of raw hamburger inside of five minutes, JESUS Eddie's chops are deadly. Love how often he's been dipping into the eye pokes lately, love my cheeky Yonkers lad. AND THEN HE THREW A LITTLE SORE LOSER TANTRUM BACKSTAGE, I've really missed sore loser tantrum-y Eddie since he turned face, and if AEW don't give him and CM Punk a full ten minutes to just talk shit at each other next week before they fight, I will stage a one-woman riot.
Matt Sydal vs. Dante Martin: AEW's recent obsession with turning rematches into little series continues, though the ending would have been more exciting if all of them hadn't been so staunchly even in wins. Still, a big win for Dante, hopefully Darius gets back soon.
Britt Baker vs. Abadon in a Trick or Treat Match: A 'trick or treat match' seems to just be a fun way to say 'No DQ Eliminator Match', and as much as Eddie/Bryan probably should have been the main event here (a LOT of people in the crowd left after it), I will never complain about commitment to respecting Halloween. Mark Henry trying to interview Abadon ahead of the fight and being completely blase when she just spits up blood in response was VERY funny, and I appreciated Britt and her girls getting into the spirit with the zombie makeup very much. This match was kind of a mess from a wrestling perspective, but as a silly delight of a spooky good time, it fucking ruled and I love that the women's division was given the opportunity to just have some fun without feeling like an afterthought or like they need to prove something. Britt's terrified face when the tacks came out like she was having war flashbacks! The way that fucking table refused to break not once but twice! Yeah, it's not plotty like the Dynamite main event was, but Abadon just chewed on Britt's hand to get out of the Lockjaw (WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE JUST BITE HER?? THAT MOVE IS RUINED FOREVER NOW), and that's the TRUE reason for the season, isn't it?
I still think the bag should have been full of teeth instead of tacks, though.
Gonna go to the movies later looking like Marge Simpson leaving the candy convention. And then it will be Christmas, I guess!
spooky scary wrestle nonsense to follow
Bobby Fish vs. CM Punk: It feels weird, Punk wrestling on Dynamite. Rampage is his show! What is he doing over here! A solid opener.
Malakai Black promo where he basically confirms my whole read of Cody last week, which was very gratifying. He's the bad guy now, whether he leans into it or not! Everybody hates him now! Malakai is just too fucking cool!
The Random MJF Squash Match: I guess it's nice for them to remind us that he actually wrestles occasionally before another one of his 'eww fat women lol' promos, bleh. At least it gave me a) Darby hiding in the audience dressed as the invisible man, b) another one of his weird artsy performance pieces, c) Wardlow taking a betacked skateboard nooooo haha you're so sexy, and d) MJF reminding us of his stupid diamond ring, furthering my theory that the Dynamite Diamond battle royale is where Wardlow will finally turn on him this year. Anyway, MJF vs. Darby at Full Gear, lfg.
Britt vs. Abadon on Rampage, which feels random, but I like that they tied it to something that happened on the Jericho cruise, even though none of that footage has actually been shown anywhere. Stuff happens off camera! Continuity with real life! It's fun!
Sammy Guevara (c) vs. Ethan Page for the AEW TNT Championship: In a vacuum, bell to bell, this match ruled and is exactly the sort of thing I want both of these guys to be doing. It's only when it ended and the garbage Inner Circle/Top Team crap came storming back in that it fell over. It's like they're trying to make me nostalgic for the endless Inner Circle/Pinnacle feud by coming up with something even fucking worse for them OH MY GOD JUST BREAK THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
Eddie Kingston continuing to normalize things like depression and taking medication for mental health issues while he Bryan go at each other in the locker room, I just love him so muuuuuuuuuuch~~~
Lucha Bros vs. FTR for the AEW tag title at Full Gear? I can dig it, even if it's kind of a rehash of Christian winning the Impact belt off of Kenny ahead of their AEW title match at All Out.
Serena Deeb vs. Hikaru Shida (TBS Championship Tournament): AND THEN THESE TWO COMPLETELY STOLE THE FUCKING SHOW. So fucking good, goddamn, even if my bracket is already completely busted wide open. I love how unpredictable women's tournaments are compared to the men! You know it's a good match when you only figure out who you want to win at the end, when it either happens or doesn't. Goddamn, I'm glad Shida got her 50th win in such a killer match, but I really wanted Serena to win this whole thing! Now who's it gonna be? Ruby? Please god not Jade. Really curious what Shida's leg getting fucked up will mean for the tournament! Is it just an excuse for her to lose to Nyla? Something to make her more of an underdog when she's coming into this thing as the holder of the longest championship reign in AEW history? Or maybe she can't continue and Deeb gets back in somehow, idk! idk idk! I love not knowing where this is all going!
10 vs. Jon Moxley (World Title Eliminator Tournament): Compared to this, which lol, everyone knows where THIS is all going, though goddamn, Mox went even more feral than I was prepared for. Tying it back to last year, when Mox broke 10's arm (because Dark Order were still bad guys and Mox was feuding with Brodie), was a real nice touch, and I'm glad he didn't wear his cool new mask for this, yes rip up and bleed all over the ugly old one please and thank you.
Very strange Cody promo where he seems to be pivoting from being obliviously blinded by his own glory into some sort of weird humiliation kink where he stops just shy of begging the audience to love him again. It's very unsettling! And then Andrade makes fun of his stupid terrible neck tattoo and while I hope Malakai gets himself into something different and fresh soon, I continue to enjoy this whole mess with them and PAC. Whatever tag team bout they're building towards should be nuts, just Cody and the NXT boyz.
Dark Order vs. The Elite: AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE HALLOWEEN MAIN EVENT TO END ALL HALLOWEEN MAIN EVENTS, THIS WHOLE THING WAS FOR ME! ME!!! First things first, I gotta grade the costumes:
First Place: Stu Grayson as Kratos from God of War
Second Place: Colt Cabana as Brandon Cutler
Third Place: Adam Cole, Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, and Kenny Omega as the Ghostbusters
Special Prizes: John Silver as Bambi, Anna Jay as Sexy Cow
Stu just looked great, Colt understood the assignment perfectly, and while the Elite lost points for using costumes they'd worn previously (though not in AEW), considering the circumstances (TNT found out about their planned Squid Game costumes and said no, boooo) I'm willing to give them a pass for the last-minute pivot. They had their own custom theme and everything, you gotta respect the hustle.
ANYWAY. This was silly, beautiful chaos, at once point the Elite did the iconic TMNT four-way jumping back smush move with proton packs for their shells and as soon as the head came off of the horse costume to reveal Brandon, I just started screaming 'OH MY GOD HANGMAN IS THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN' like a lunatic, and I'm so glad they're not afraid to have a bit of fun for the holidays even though Kenny/Hangman remains the hottest feud going with the most riding on it, the end. I love wrestling.
Bryan Danielson vs. Eddie Kingston (World Title Eliminator Tournament Semifinal): Well, my pipe dream of Eddie vs. Mox at Full Gear again is dead, but BOY what a fucking match, I can't even be mad about it. Also, I'm starting to wonder if there's something horribly wrong with Bryan's chest to make all of his blood vessels immediately explode when struck, he looked like he was made out of raw hamburger inside of five minutes, JESUS Eddie's chops are deadly. Love how often he's been dipping into the eye pokes lately, love my cheeky Yonkers lad. AND THEN HE THREW A LITTLE SORE LOSER TANTRUM BACKSTAGE, I've really missed sore loser tantrum-y Eddie since he turned face, and if AEW don't give him and CM Punk a full ten minutes to just talk shit at each other next week before they fight, I will stage a one-woman riot.
Matt Sydal vs. Dante Martin: AEW's recent obsession with turning rematches into little series continues, though the ending would have been more exciting if all of them hadn't been so staunchly even in wins. Still, a big win for Dante, hopefully Darius gets back soon.
Britt Baker vs. Abadon in a Trick or Treat Match: A 'trick or treat match' seems to just be a fun way to say 'No DQ Eliminator Match', and as much as Eddie/Bryan probably should have been the main event here (a LOT of people in the crowd left after it), I will never complain about commitment to respecting Halloween. Mark Henry trying to interview Abadon ahead of the fight and being completely blase when she just spits up blood in response was VERY funny, and I appreciated Britt and her girls getting into the spirit with the zombie makeup very much. This match was kind of a mess from a wrestling perspective, but as a silly delight of a spooky good time, it fucking ruled and I love that the women's division was given the opportunity to just have some fun without feeling like an afterthought or like they need to prove something. Britt's terrified face when the tacks came out like she was having war flashbacks! The way that fucking table refused to break not once but twice! Yeah, it's not plotty like the Dynamite main event was, but Abadon just chewed on Britt's hand to get out of the Lockjaw (WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE JUST BITE HER?? THAT MOVE IS RUINED FOREVER NOW), and that's the TRUE reason for the season, isn't it?
I still think the bag should have been full of teeth instead of tacks, though.