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Rampage Grand Slam (09.24.21)
Did some fancy Victorian double-phase sleeping to watch Rampage in the middle of night while becoming approximately 25% human woman, 75% bread. And now I am at work, and I am... happy? Yes, happy. It's just so nice to have things to look forward to throughout the week, and I will never be one of those people who complains of not having enough work to do, I love getting paid to sit around and fuck off on a nice, quiet weekend.
Seriously, this venue fucks so hard, what a great week of shows this was. Crowd wasn't quite as hot as it was for Dynamite, but it was a long night for them.
Powerhouse Hobbs vs. CM Punk: Seriously, what a huge match for Hobbs to get to have, so cool for him. Punk looked even better here than he did in the Darby match, I think it's safe to say the ring rust is effectively knocked off (along his with long bois, CM Trunks is back! I am all for more exposed thighs across the board). He's just so... personable in the ring, and he's got a real gift for pantomime? I just like watching his face!!
Some kind of weird three-way promo package between Jade, Nyla, and Thunder Rosa? Maybe those two can be Rosa's big mountain to climb before she goes after Britt again? While they also feud with each other? MORE PLOTS FOR THE LADIES, I'LL TAKE IT.
Adam Cole & Young Bucks vs. Christian Cage & Jurassic Express: This just felt like an old ROH match from these guys in the best possible ways, it's like they were never separated by five years of WWE superstardom (and an unfortunate murder) at all. I can appreciate cheeky heel Bucks much more without Kenny around, since it always feels so tainted because of how it came about with him around. With Adam, they're just good, wholesome jerkfaces, just like old times! ON A SIMILAR NOTE, love how the Bucks came out to celebrate with Kenny after his win against Christian at All Out, even though they lost their belts in a brutal cage match earlier in the night, but tonight, Kenny was nowhere to be found after the Bucks got a strong win a few hours after Kenny fought Danielson to a draw (I know that in kayfabe these things happen the night they air and not the night they're filmed (which has even funnier implications for the main event here), but IT'S STILL INTERESTING). Also, it's great to see crowds behind Luchasaurus again, he's one of the guys that suffered the most from empty arena wrestling since it was so easy to forget just how over he was, especially as Jungle Boy's star kept rising.
Men of the Year vs. Chris Jericho & Jake Hager: Yeah, I totally downloaded Beatstar and just played that for most of this match? SORRY NOT SORRY, I JUST DON'T CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. At least Dan Lambert is more bearable when he's just at ringside and not talking? Ethan Page, baby, you deserve so much better than this shit. After the match, a bunch of MMA guys I don't know or care about jumped Jericho and Hager and beat the shit out of them and I still didn't care at all except for the part where Santana and Ortiz never came out to help them despite presumably being right backstage ahead of their match, YOU LOVE TO SEE IT. Even Sammy was nowhere to be seen, they seem to finally be free from Jericho's bullshit, I so happy~
Lucha Brothers, Santana & Ortiz vs. Private Party, The Butcher & The Blade: Absolute midcard chaos, but gosh, just seeing the Lucha Brothers come out as tag champs and Santana/Ortiz come out to that hometown pop in front of such a huge crowd made me so damn happy. Naturally, it got completely derailed by Matt Hardy's bullshit, at one point Orange Cassidy came out to protect the good guys from Jack Evans? Which is not a teamup I ever would have expected, but sure, why not! And apparently we're getting a hair match between the two next week? Why?? Of all the people to end up in AEW's first hair match, it's Orange and Evans??? Why Edgar rocket????
Sammy shows up to do his title card bit with a well-dressed Fuego, and Miro creeping silently up behind them like the bad guy in a slasher was delightful, and then he murdered Fuego again (I wonder if anyone ever got him out of there) and I am looking forward to this title match! More high-profile shit for Sammy to do away from the Inner Circle!
Andrade doesn't seem to be forgiving Chavo, but he does call out PAC for a rematch so he can win clean. Are they just gonna leave him without a manager this time? They cannot still bring in Flair, right? RIGHT?
Anna Jay vs. Penelope Ford: Fine, but really disappointingly short. Two women's singles matches in a four-hour week of television is just... not good enough, guys. Not by half. And then the aftermath was somehow even more of a chaotic mess than the 8-man??? The Bunny coming out to back up her murder girlfriend (after tending to her actual husband and... whatever Butcher is to them) and Tay coming out to even the odds made sense, setting up the tag team finale to this feud next week, but then the ENTIRE HFO comes out to back Bunny up?? So Orange comes BACK and brings Kris this time, and also all of Dark Order??? I appreciate how much they're trying to set up with this but OH MY GOD THIS IS SO MANY PEOPLE. Kris being the large alien protector of all the babyface ladies on the roster is a delight, though, and the Dark Order stuff was interesting at least, with the boys finally coming together for Anna's sake because even as they fight amongst each other, they all still love her (because she was still off injured when the Hangman Incident happened and so never had to pick a side in the ensuing civil war), but Uno being unable to accept the hand of friendship in the end (you have been a total asshole to him for weeks on end now Alex, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING EXPECT), Stu being ride or die for his Super Smash Bro so at least Uno isn't alone on the outs from the rest of the group, Colt still being torn and just wanting everyone to be friends again, AGH MY HEART. Next week is the big return to Rochester, though, the show that was supposed to be Brodie Lee's big hometown AEW debut before COVID ruined everything; it's going to be so fucking sad to start with, there's no way they don't end the night on a big triumphant moment for the scrappy little cult that he took from a weird tag team gimmick to a legitimate faction to fear before they had to become something new and wonderful in his absence. I NEED A HAPPY ENDING FOR THESE GUYS, OKAY.
I feel like every Eddie/Mox promo I see is my new favourite, but seriously, I just love these totally married lunatics so damn much.
Eddie Kingston & Jon Moxley vs. Minoru Suzuki & Lance Archer in a Lights Out Match: Lance and his fistfuls of kendo sticks! Mox and Suzuki just whacking each other with chairs on the ramp! Lance building up a little pile of beat up ring crew members like they're New Japan Young Lions to chokeslam Mox into! Duct-taped Mox getting whipped with a leather strap (I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me...)! Eddie being the only person I've yet seen make the machine gun chops in the corner spot look good! HOMICIDE!!!!!!! I've wanted to see a Suzuki-gun reunion on AEW ever since Lance wore his old jacket on a random Dynamite months ago, so this has been very satisfying for me on that front, and I just love how wrestling is this deep tapestry of interconnected lore and real-life history these days?? Like, even just a couple of months ago, I would not have understood the significance of Homicide coming out to save my guys, but watching ROH and looking him up and finding out who he is and who he's trained and that he's the guy Eddie credits with keeping him from killing himself years ago makes a random run-out to set up a GCW angle (which is made extra funny since the Homicide/Suzuki match in question ended up airing right before Rampage, it's like they both shared an Uber after finishing to get to Arthur Ashe for this one) of all things feel like such a bigger deal than it would otherwise??? EDDIE KINGSTON WENT FROM SELLING HIS BOOTS TO PAY HIS MORTGAGE TO MAIN EVENTING A HOMETOWN SHOW IN FRONT OF TWENTY THOUSAND PEOPLE IN LESS THAN 18 MONTHS!!! I don't necessarily think this needed to be a Lights Out match instead of a regular No DQ match, it didn't quite reach the heights of horrific unhinged violence that the first two did so beautifully (except maybe the bit where Eddie legit looked like he was murdering Lance with that kendo stick and garbage can), but it looks like they're getting a rematch on Strong next month, so I have more good good violent boy action to look forward to regardless and I'm just

so happy
Also I have leftover garlic knots waiting for me at home and they are... all I can think about right now.
Seriously, this venue fucks so hard, what a great week of shows this was. Crowd wasn't quite as hot as it was for Dynamite, but it was a long night for them.
Powerhouse Hobbs vs. CM Punk: Seriously, what a huge match for Hobbs to get to have, so cool for him. Punk looked even better here than he did in the Darby match, I think it's safe to say the ring rust is effectively knocked off (along his with long bois, CM Trunks is back! I am all for more exposed thighs across the board). He's just so... personable in the ring, and he's got a real gift for pantomime? I just like watching his face!!
Some kind of weird three-way promo package between Jade, Nyla, and Thunder Rosa? Maybe those two can be Rosa's big mountain to climb before she goes after Britt again? While they also feud with each other? MORE PLOTS FOR THE LADIES, I'LL TAKE IT.
Adam Cole & Young Bucks vs. Christian Cage & Jurassic Express: This just felt like an old ROH match from these guys in the best possible ways, it's like they were never separated by five years of WWE superstardom (and an unfortunate murder) at all. I can appreciate cheeky heel Bucks much more without Kenny around, since it always feels so tainted because of how it came about with him around. With Adam, they're just good, wholesome jerkfaces, just like old times! ON A SIMILAR NOTE, love how the Bucks came out to celebrate with Kenny after his win against Christian at All Out, even though they lost their belts in a brutal cage match earlier in the night, but tonight, Kenny was nowhere to be found after the Bucks got a strong win a few hours after Kenny fought Danielson to a draw (I know that in kayfabe these things happen the night they air and not the night they're filmed (which has even funnier implications for the main event here), but IT'S STILL INTERESTING). Also, it's great to see crowds behind Luchasaurus again, he's one of the guys that suffered the most from empty arena wrestling since it was so easy to forget just how over he was, especially as Jungle Boy's star kept rising.
Men of the Year vs. Chris Jericho & Jake Hager: Yeah, I totally downloaded Beatstar and just played that for most of this match? SORRY NOT SORRY, I JUST DON'T CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. At least Dan Lambert is more bearable when he's just at ringside and not talking? Ethan Page, baby, you deserve so much better than this shit. After the match, a bunch of MMA guys I don't know or care about jumped Jericho and Hager and beat the shit out of them and I still didn't care at all except for the part where Santana and Ortiz never came out to help them despite presumably being right backstage ahead of their match, YOU LOVE TO SEE IT. Even Sammy was nowhere to be seen, they seem to finally be free from Jericho's bullshit, I so happy~
Lucha Brothers, Santana & Ortiz vs. Private Party, The Butcher & The Blade: Absolute midcard chaos, but gosh, just seeing the Lucha Brothers come out as tag champs and Santana/Ortiz come out to that hometown pop in front of such a huge crowd made me so damn happy. Naturally, it got completely derailed by Matt Hardy's bullshit, at one point Orange Cassidy came out to protect the good guys from Jack Evans? Which is not a teamup I ever would have expected, but sure, why not! And apparently we're getting a hair match between the two next week? Why?? Of all the people to end up in AEW's first hair match, it's Orange and Evans??? Why Edgar rocket????
Sammy shows up to do his title card bit with a well-dressed Fuego, and Miro creeping silently up behind them like the bad guy in a slasher was delightful, and then he murdered Fuego again (I wonder if anyone ever got him out of there) and I am looking forward to this title match! More high-profile shit for Sammy to do away from the Inner Circle!
Andrade doesn't seem to be forgiving Chavo, but he does call out PAC for a rematch so he can win clean. Are they just gonna leave him without a manager this time? They cannot still bring in Flair, right? RIGHT?
Anna Jay vs. Penelope Ford: Fine, but really disappointingly short. Two women's singles matches in a four-hour week of television is just... not good enough, guys. Not by half. And then the aftermath was somehow even more of a chaotic mess than the 8-man??? The Bunny coming out to back up her murder girlfriend (after tending to her actual husband and... whatever Butcher is to them) and Tay coming out to even the odds made sense, setting up the tag team finale to this feud next week, but then the ENTIRE HFO comes out to back Bunny up?? So Orange comes BACK and brings Kris this time, and also all of Dark Order??? I appreciate how much they're trying to set up with this but OH MY GOD THIS IS SO MANY PEOPLE. Kris being the large alien protector of all the babyface ladies on the roster is a delight, though, and the Dark Order stuff was interesting at least, with the boys finally coming together for Anna's sake because even as they fight amongst each other, they all still love her (because she was still off injured when the Hangman Incident happened and so never had to pick a side in the ensuing civil war), but Uno being unable to accept the hand of friendship in the end (you have been a total asshole to him for weeks on end now Alex, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING EXPECT), Stu being ride or die for his Super Smash Bro so at least Uno isn't alone on the outs from the rest of the group, Colt still being torn and just wanting everyone to be friends again, AGH MY HEART. Next week is the big return to Rochester, though, the show that was supposed to be Brodie Lee's big hometown AEW debut before COVID ruined everything; it's going to be so fucking sad to start with, there's no way they don't end the night on a big triumphant moment for the scrappy little cult that he took from a weird tag team gimmick to a legitimate faction to fear before they had to become something new and wonderful in his absence. I NEED A HAPPY ENDING FOR THESE GUYS, OKAY.
I feel like every Eddie/Mox promo I see is my new favourite, but seriously, I just love these totally married lunatics so damn much.
Eddie Kingston & Jon Moxley vs. Minoru Suzuki & Lance Archer in a Lights Out Match: Lance and his fistfuls of kendo sticks! Mox and Suzuki just whacking each other with chairs on the ramp! Lance building up a little pile of beat up ring crew members like they're New Japan Young Lions to chokeslam Mox into! Duct-taped Mox getting whipped with a leather strap (I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me...)! Eddie being the only person I've yet seen make the machine gun chops in the corner spot look good! HOMICIDE!!!!!!! I've wanted to see a Suzuki-gun reunion on AEW ever since Lance wore his old jacket on a random Dynamite months ago, so this has been very satisfying for me on that front, and I just love how wrestling is this deep tapestry of interconnected lore and real-life history these days?? Like, even just a couple of months ago, I would not have understood the significance of Homicide coming out to save my guys, but watching ROH and looking him up and finding out who he is and who he's trained and that he's the guy Eddie credits with keeping him from killing himself years ago makes a random run-out to set up a GCW angle (which is made extra funny since the Homicide/Suzuki match in question ended up airing right before Rampage, it's like they both shared an Uber after finishing to get to Arthur Ashe for this one) of all things feel like such a bigger deal than it would otherwise??? EDDIE KINGSTON WENT FROM SELLING HIS BOOTS TO PAY HIS MORTGAGE TO MAIN EVENTING A HOMETOWN SHOW IN FRONT OF TWENTY THOUSAND PEOPLE IN LESS THAN 18 MONTHS!!! I don't necessarily think this needed to be a Lights Out match instead of a regular No DQ match, it didn't quite reach the heights of horrific unhinged violence that the first two did so beautifully (except maybe the bit where Eddie legit looked like he was murdering Lance with that kendo stick and garbage can), but it looks like they're getting a rematch on Strong next month, so I have more good good violent boy action to look forward to regardless and I'm just

so happy
Also I have leftover garlic knots waiting for me at home and they are... all I can think about right now.
