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Fyter Fest/Fight for the Fallen (07.14.2021 - 07.28.2021)
Because I am a dumbass, I have stayed up way too damn late three nights in a row now, so am EXTRA tired as I stare down the barrel of all my Sunday filing that I have to do, so I will break it up with mindless bits of wrestleposting in between stacks. Wish me luck! My eyes hurt so much!
Fyter Fest Night 1
Jon Moxley (c) vs. Karl Anderson for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: I loved Eddie just kicking things off with Gallows before the bell even rang, like his man was taking too long to get the violence started in the actual match. A solid title defense from Mox, and I really dig that this belt has been defended on Dynamite enough times now that they don’t even really have to explain the fact that they’re suddenly using New Japan rules, like the 20-count, it’s old hat now!
And then Lance calls him out for a rematch over the belt the next week and I begin to feel a complicated combination of excitement (their Tokyo Dome match was SO GOOD) and despair (I really don’t want to see Lance lose YET ANOTHER big title defense in AEW, it just keeps happeningggggg sob).
Andrade with a quick Death Triangle call-out; not sure where this is going, since I figured they’d be more focused on trios stuff at the moment, but I guess we’ll see!
Brian Cage (c) vs. Ricky Starks for the FTW Championship: hey quick question how can one person be so fucking stupid, filing doesn’t have to be in any sort of order right, that would just be SILLY god I hate my cross-shift counterpart so goddamn much ANYWAY THIS WAS FUN. A little bummed at the outcome, not because I don’t think Ricky shouldn’t have a belt to air guitar on his way to the ring, but because I thought Cage retaining as he splits from Team Taz and them having to go after him to get it back in-house would have been fun and more interesting than just him going after them for revenge, but I’m sure that will also excite me! BABYFACE CAGE HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.
The Cody/Malakai brawl was pretty whatever, but the insane Malakai promo that preceded it where he talks about a dead horse or something was insane and I kinda loved it a lot and am really looking forward to their match?? Cody’s not INTERESTING again, tragically, but at least I’m invested it what he’s up to (albeit not because of anything he’s actually done), which is a big step up.
And then there was a DELIGHTFUL backstage bit between Santana & Ortiz and Tully, where they threaten him with a fake crowbar and it ends with him shaking it at them and yelling that he’s gonna get his boys in FULL Grandpa Simpson mode and it just really makes me laugh a lot.
And then it was the Hangman/Elite bit and I already vomited too many words about that, jesus christ leshia
Jericho promo about the ‘labours’ MJF is putting him through, sigh, and the first one is… Shawn Spears with a chair. lol ok
Christian Cage vs. Matt Hardy: Matt Hardy feuds in AEW keep having the strangest trajectory, where they’ll seemingly culminate, but then keep going? Before eventually petering out without further resolution? Hopefully this isn’t another one of those, but the post-match to what should have been the culmination doesn’t bode well! Christian riding Luchasaurus was fucking adorable, though.
Miro’s new ‘creepy religious guy who loves murdering people and having sex with his wife’ character rules, I love all his promos now, perfect mix of scary and funny.
Britt/Nyla dueling promos are… less successful, imo, I’m worried that Britt lost her ability to be an effective heel over the course of the pandemic because people started loving her so much and she didn’t have the chance to adjust to it with them around, and having this be her first feud as champion is nooooooot helping.
Mox accepting Lance’s challenge, very cool and sexy, yes.
Sammy Guevara vs. Wheeler Yuta: Good jumpy flippy wrestle boys being good. Love seeing Wheeler getting all these high-profile matches out of nowhere.
QT dumps a milkshake on Tony. Rude. Britt should fight him next.
Penelope Ford vs. Yuka Sakazaki: IT’D CERTAINLY BE MORE INTERESTING THAN ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENING IN THE WOMEN’S DIVISION, SIGH. Is good match. So glad Yuka’s back and Penelope has improved so much over the last couple of years. Would have been even better with any sort of build or story attached to it. Par for the fucking course.
Darby Allin vs. Ethan Page in a Coffin Match: Fucking phenomenal, at least once dead weight Scorpio got taken out of the equation. So many nasty looking spots for both guys here, the fishhook with the ring ropes, the avalanche powerbomb onto the steps, that final ridiculous Coffin Drop THROUGH the coffin lid, man. MAN. Can you imagine being stuck in a fucking wooden box and just having to wait for a dude to come crashing through it onto you?? Terrifying! I think this is the first time in AEW that I’ve actually been sad to see a feud come to its natural conclusion, I really just want these two to fight forever.
Fyter Fest Night 2
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Spears, The 5 Labors of Jericho: Chapter 1 (Spears Can Use a Chair, Jericho Can't): Maybe one day Shawn can have a personality beyond ‘likes chairs’, but until that day, it’s probably best that he sticks with a gimmick since he can’t seem to get over to save his life. Anyway, every memory I had of this match was immediately scrubbed by the aftermath, which went a little something like this:
MJF starts introducing the next labour, a no DQ against someone utterly sadistic. “Uuuuuugh, I really don’t want to watch Jericho beat Wardlow, god damn it.” Someone who once stabbed a man in the jugular. “lol does he mean the icicle spot in the Stadium Stampede? Feels like a stretch, but okay.” A man who once robbed a bank. “WHAT. WHAT. NO. WHAT. WHAT???” With no mask on. “SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO. WHAT.”
Nick fucking Gage on Dynamite. It still doesn’t feel real, honestly. What a fucking world. I couldn’t even pay attention to the Miro package that followed, I was too caught up in the blur of MDK ALL FUCKING DAY!!!
Frankie Kazarian vs. Doc Gallows: Hey Tony Khan. C’mon, open the door, I just want to talk. THIS WAS BULLSHIT AND I HATE IT. What is even the point of Elite Hunter Kaz if he can’t beat LITERALLY THE WORST MEMBER OF THE SUPER ELITE??? No way they buried the heavy metal rebel just to set up a Kenny/Hangman segment? Because it was amazing, but not worth that sort of cost and also they could have jumped him after a win just as easily!! Ugh, this had better have a good pay off with Kaz showing up on Impact now. At least the Kenny/Hangman staredown was satisfying, Hangman standing tall with Dark Order behind him and all.
Brian Cage calling out Team Taz, you love to see it! Finally a feud for them that amounts to more than them picking a random fight and NEVER LETTING UP ON IT EVER.
Darby Allin vs. Wheeler Yuta: Another weirdly (yet delightfully!) high-profile match for Wheeler, now seemingly officially adopted into Best Friends? Fyter Fest is for the Yoots, apparently! I’m pretty sure this introduction is so that he can replace Trent while he’s recovering from surgery so they don’t have to replace Best Friends in the inevitable inaugural trios championship match vs. Death Triangle. RIP Sting’s shins after that horrific showdown with Orange, who’s post-match attack by the Blade actually had me wondering if there would be a last-minute change to the card...
Britt Baker (c) vs. Nyla Rose for the AEW Women's World Championship: Not as good as their match from the eliminator tournament, but still pretty good! A nice showcase of how much better Britt has gotten in-ring since her start in AEW, for sure, but boy I wish A) I was more invested in this and B) it wasn’t literally the only plot in the entire women’s division, now finished. At least they weren’t buried in the second-to-last slot for once?
Great little press conference between FTR and PnP, edited all to shit for TV. Thankfully, they released it uncut on youtube, GOD Santana is low-key one of the best promos around, I adore him.
Andrade’s new manager is Chavo Guerrero, I guess! Really glad they swerved away from Vickie while keeping it in the family, she’s already done next to nothing for Nyla as her manager and I have a very low tolerance for her gimmick, doubling down on it would be no bueno. Though it is starting to seem like they’re struggling to find a place for Andrade? At least Death Triangle’s response ruled, I love their attitude of ‘fuck you we are totally the Latino faces of AEW even if we hang out with an angry British goblin, he’s ours and we love him’. So good.
Christian promo calling out Matt and the HFO for jumping Marko and seriously, why is this still happening? Almost as filler-feeling as QT saying he’ll apologize to Tony for the milkshake thing next week. I miss Ogogo, when will his eye be better?
Orange Cassidy vs. The Blade: Surprisingly good shit? I don’t know why I was surprised, they’re both damn good wrestlers, I just wasn’t expecting a whole lot since they’ve been dancing all month. But yeah, good shit! There was this one absolutely FILTHY doctor bomb onto the top turnbuckle that looked SO brutal, goddamn. I like it when Orange gets mean, not just angry, but MEAN, and that last Orange Punch with the knuckledusters was beautiful.
Jericho is gonna be busting out his old Painmaker clown makeup for the fight with Gage, haha amazing.
Jon Moxley (c) vs. Lance Archer in a Texas Death Match for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: I was all ready and resigned to watch my big red murder man lose yet another title match, man. As long as the match was even half as good as their Tokyo Dome deathmatch, I’d be content. No way in hell Mox drops the belt on a non-NJPW show after holding it for like a year and a half, right? To another non-NJPW wrestler? When the only reason Lance had it in the first place was because Mox had to vacate because of the tsunamis?
And then.
AND THEN.
AND NEW!!!!
I straight up had to stand and jump in the air a bunch to vent my excitement because it was very late and I was very close to yelling a lot as soon as I realized Mox was good and stuck in that barbed wire and there were only like two minutes left in the show HE DID IT HE DID IT HE FINALLY DID IT ALL THE LOSSES AND BLOOD WAS WORTH IT I’M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY this show really started and ended with some WILD emotions from me, fucking hell
Fight for the Fallen
The Elite vs. Hangman Page and Dark Order in a 10 Man Elimination Match: God. GOD. Okay, I will have to be brief about the rest of the show because I am gonna get INTO IT now, fuck. First, the intros. The video intro for Hangman and Dark Order was SO EXTRA, they finally used that new theme I found on Spotify months ago, and I particularly liked the way the voiceover went out of its way never to gender the hypothetical cowboy it spoke of, using only they/them pronouns because ANYONE can be a cowboy. HANGMAN’S NEW GEAR, WITH THE PURPLE ROSES TO MATCH HIS POSSE I WANT TO CRY THEY ALL LOOKED SO GOOD. Also the way that the graphic only referred to them as ‘Dark Order’ instead of ‘Hangman AND Dark Order’, it might seem like a nothing distinction, but it’s SO significant a marker of his growth that he’s willing to truly let himself be a part of a group again; even if he’s not officially a member, the rebuilt trust in both himself and his friends required for him to not feel the need to WELL ACTUALLY the designation is genuinely beautiful? He can be a part of something again! Something beautiful! I also wonder if that means his whole drawing will eventually come to pass with him riding a horse to the ring with all seven of them (plus Anna!) right there with them when he beats Kenny. And then the fucking Super Elite coming out in an extended Space Jam riff because they are so damn good at being the worst, fuck. Extra points for Kenny finally being able to do his stupid NORTH CAROLINAAAAAA intro IN North Carolina for the first time, leaning into the Michael Jordan of it all WHILE making it about corporate synergy was just the icing on the cake.
Okay, then the match itself was fairly amazing? These kinds of massive multi-man matches are usually just entertaining messes, but the elimination format let there be a really solid through-line to tell a story throughout, with a steady build, emotional climax, heartbreaking denouement, and plenty of fun spots throughout. Uno and Stu got to shine like the tag team title contenders they should be, Stu and Gallows getting counted out because Stu was doing genuinely crazy shit out in the crowd was brilliant (though he took one truly disgusting bump where it looked like the Good Brothers fucked up catching him?), Alex was eliminated tragically early but he got that nice superplex in before he went, and the whole thing coming down to Hangman and Silver (in his first match back since fucking up his shoulder vs. Darby months ago) was so lovely.
And then it was down to Hangman vs. Kenny and the Bucks and I wanted to die! Because that’s when you know he can’t win it, right? He can’t take on all three of AEW’s top champions at once, his former friends and current demons, it’s just not doable, and yet… he’s just good enough to make you believe it’s possible, just for a minute. Hitting all his iconic moves like it’s the last time we’ll be seeing him for a while, the Orihara, the double Buckshot Lariat on BOTH Bucks, the Deadeye. God, the PARALLELS here, Hangman standing on the apron staring at the three of them in the ring like it’s Revolution 2020 all over again, except everything is so different and so awful now. Truly wild to believe that back then, it seemed like Hangman was the one who was going to turn heel. Matt being the only one of the three Hangman was able to successfully put away was chef’s kiss (if god isn’t in favour of HangMatt, why do I keep winning), and then Nick grabbing his legs in the callback to the night he sabotaged the Bucks’ win in the tag team gauntlet AAAAAAAAAAAH. IT’S ALL JUST SO MUCH. IT’S TOO MUCH.
Which brings me to the finish. What a gut punch, man. No title shot for Hangman at All Out after all, no great triumph at the site of his two most wrenching failures, no big full circle moment. Full Gear is where he last lost to Kenny, true, and it’s the PPV named after a BTE storyline about him being relentlessly bodyshamed, yeah, but it still just won’t be the same there. Full circle and a quarter. A lot of people are speculating that this happened because of CM Punk coming in and not wanting to overshadow Hangman’s big win, but that doesn’t ring true to me; as long as Punk is early in the show, surely more big iconic moments in one night is only a good thing. I think this was more about Hangman’s wife’s due date being a LOT closer than most people seem to think? Like, probably within the next few weeks, close enough to All Out to really jeopardize his availability. Putting things off a little bit longer is probably smart. Still fucking hurts, though! Hopefully the fact that this ended with him eating a One-Winged Angel just like he did in November will shut up the people who think he should lose against Kenny in their first title bout, take your precious L and go. Also, this means that if he kicks out of it, it’ll be on the third time, which is very tasty.
I just… have a lot of feelings. Okay moving on.
It’s looking like this Death Triangle stuff might lead to Andrade vs. PAC at All Out? Should be fun! Gonna be hard not to resent every match on the card for not having Hangman in it, though!
The Ricky Starks celebration thing was fairly delightful, but I will not forgive Brian easily for attacking the trombone player.
AND THEN TANAHASHI CUT A PROMO CHALLENGING THE IWGP US CHAMP?? TANAHASHI IS HERE?? WHAT IS HAPPENING WRESTLING IS SO COOL RIGHT NOW.
Santana and Ortiz vs. FTR: Hahaha, GOD what a disappointment. This was one of my most anticipated matches of an already-crazy night, something I’ve been looking forward to for MONTHS, and then they totally had to call an audible and wrap it early, before they could even really kick it into any higher gears, because Cash got hurt GOD DAMN IT. Hopefully he’s all right so they can have a proper rematch with a better ending. If Santana & Ortiz are destined for tag team gold, FTR winning here makes me wonder if they’re delaying it alongside Hangman winning the top title, so the Elite all drop their belts at once? LET ME HAVE MY WISHFUL THINKING, PLEASE.
Something something Britt promo about her broken wrist, god damn she gets hurt a lot.
I think I am to gather from Darby’s promo that he’ll be fighting CM Punk when that’s official? I don’t know this guy!
Lance Archer (c) vs. Hikuleo for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: GOSH IT FEELS NICE TO SEE HIM WITH A BELT FOR ONCE. Anyway, this was fun, love that they managed to find a guy bigger than him for his first defense, but even more than that I love that, after Tama Tonga has just been constantly calling out Kenny and Bucks on twitter for like a year now with no sign that he’ll ever actually leave Japan to follow through, it’s his BABY BROTHER who ACTUALLY fucking shows up on Dynamite instead of just talking endless shit.
HILARIOUS bit here where Cody seems like he’s gearing up to give one of his big bullshit inspirational speeches and then Malakai materializes out of nowhere to kick him right in the fucking face before he can get going and honestly, it ruled so hard. God I hope he wins. Also Fuego shows up to defend Cody’s honour in his li’l Nightmare Family track jacket and Malakai lays him out so hard it looked like he died!
Miro promo, vengeful god, double-joined wife, the usual (the usual remains great).
Christian Cage, Jungle Boy, and Luchasaurus vs. H.F.O.: Why is this still a thing? Where is this going? They REALLY couldn’t give this time to the women or something? I’m guessing it’s going to lead to some drama between Christian and Jurassic Express down the line, but for now it’s just kinda… there.
Julia Hart vs. Thunder Rosa: They announced this match the day before the show. July consisted of four huge PPV-worthy shows to celebrate AEW’s return to touring, and the women were a total afterthought for almost all of them. It’s seriously pathetic. I’m so tired of harping on this! Surely everyone is tired of me harping on this! FUCKING BE BETTER. This was Rosa’s first match as an official part of the roster, at least, which is nice. I love her so damn much.
Mox cutting a promo on Tanahashi about how he’s dead to him was an absolute joy, I am champing at the bit to see what New Japan has planned for him now that the world is starting to open up again, allegedly all this forbidden door stuff was opened primarily because they wanted to use him more in particular, so.
Chris Jericho vs. Nick Gage, The 5 Labors of Jericho: Chapter 2 (No Rules Match): hahaha holy shit I can’t believe this really happened
pizza cutter
light tubes
AVALANCHE FRANKENSTEINER THROUGH A PANE OF GLASS, I JUST
They truly just put Nick Gage on television and let him do his horrific thing, and while it was definitely a LITTLE toned down compared to some GCW matches I’ve seen, he really adapted to the format well. Shout out to Aubrey doing the three count in all that broken glass without a MOMENT'S hesitation. Jericho is in his 50s and went so hard here, taking so much punishment, that I do think I believe this whole ‘labours’ thing might be his farewell tour after all (this would also go a long to explaining why the Inner Circle/Pinnacle feud was so weird in its escalation if it was more about Chris just getting to go out with a bang). Retirement match vs. MJF at All Out, maybe?
Wow, it got really hot out, but I got all my filing done and the day is almost over and I’m off tomorrow for Heritage Day, so I win!
Fyter Fest Night 1
Jon Moxley (c) vs. Karl Anderson for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: I loved Eddie just kicking things off with Gallows before the bell even rang, like his man was taking too long to get the violence started in the actual match. A solid title defense from Mox, and I really dig that this belt has been defended on Dynamite enough times now that they don’t even really have to explain the fact that they’re suddenly using New Japan rules, like the 20-count, it’s old hat now!
And then Lance calls him out for a rematch over the belt the next week and I begin to feel a complicated combination of excitement (their Tokyo Dome match was SO GOOD) and despair (I really don’t want to see Lance lose YET ANOTHER big title defense in AEW, it just keeps happeningggggg sob).
Andrade with a quick Death Triangle call-out; not sure where this is going, since I figured they’d be more focused on trios stuff at the moment, but I guess we’ll see!
Brian Cage (c) vs. Ricky Starks for the FTW Championship: hey quick question how can one person be so fucking stupid, filing doesn’t have to be in any sort of order right, that would just be SILLY god I hate my cross-shift counterpart so goddamn much ANYWAY THIS WAS FUN. A little bummed at the outcome, not because I don’t think Ricky shouldn’t have a belt to air guitar on his way to the ring, but because I thought Cage retaining as he splits from Team Taz and them having to go after him to get it back in-house would have been fun and more interesting than just him going after them for revenge, but I’m sure that will also excite me! BABYFACE CAGE HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.
The Cody/Malakai brawl was pretty whatever, but the insane Malakai promo that preceded it where he talks about a dead horse or something was insane and I kinda loved it a lot and am really looking forward to their match?? Cody’s not INTERESTING again, tragically, but at least I’m invested it what he’s up to (albeit not because of anything he’s actually done), which is a big step up.
And then there was a DELIGHTFUL backstage bit between Santana & Ortiz and Tully, where they threaten him with a fake crowbar and it ends with him shaking it at them and yelling that he’s gonna get his boys in FULL Grandpa Simpson mode and it just really makes me laugh a lot.
And then it was the Hangman/Elite bit and I already vomited too many words about that, jesus christ leshia
Jericho promo about the ‘labours’ MJF is putting him through, sigh, and the first one is… Shawn Spears with a chair. lol ok
Christian Cage vs. Matt Hardy: Matt Hardy feuds in AEW keep having the strangest trajectory, where they’ll seemingly culminate, but then keep going? Before eventually petering out without further resolution? Hopefully this isn’t another one of those, but the post-match to what should have been the culmination doesn’t bode well! Christian riding Luchasaurus was fucking adorable, though.
Miro’s new ‘creepy religious guy who loves murdering people and having sex with his wife’ character rules, I love all his promos now, perfect mix of scary and funny.
Britt/Nyla dueling promos are… less successful, imo, I’m worried that Britt lost her ability to be an effective heel over the course of the pandemic because people started loving her so much and she didn’t have the chance to adjust to it with them around, and having this be her first feud as champion is nooooooot helping.
Mox accepting Lance’s challenge, very cool and sexy, yes.
Sammy Guevara vs. Wheeler Yuta: Good jumpy flippy wrestle boys being good. Love seeing Wheeler getting all these high-profile matches out of nowhere.
QT dumps a milkshake on Tony. Rude. Britt should fight him next.
Penelope Ford vs. Yuka Sakazaki: IT’D CERTAINLY BE MORE INTERESTING THAN ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENING IN THE WOMEN’S DIVISION, SIGH. Is good match. So glad Yuka’s back and Penelope has improved so much over the last couple of years. Would have been even better with any sort of build or story attached to it. Par for the fucking course.
Darby Allin vs. Ethan Page in a Coffin Match: Fucking phenomenal, at least once dead weight Scorpio got taken out of the equation. So many nasty looking spots for both guys here, the fishhook with the ring ropes, the avalanche powerbomb onto the steps, that final ridiculous Coffin Drop THROUGH the coffin lid, man. MAN. Can you imagine being stuck in a fucking wooden box and just having to wait for a dude to come crashing through it onto you?? Terrifying! I think this is the first time in AEW that I’ve actually been sad to see a feud come to its natural conclusion, I really just want these two to fight forever.
Fyter Fest Night 2
Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Spears, The 5 Labors of Jericho: Chapter 1 (Spears Can Use a Chair, Jericho Can't): Maybe one day Shawn can have a personality beyond ‘likes chairs’, but until that day, it’s probably best that he sticks with a gimmick since he can’t seem to get over to save his life. Anyway, every memory I had of this match was immediately scrubbed by the aftermath, which went a little something like this:
MJF starts introducing the next labour, a no DQ against someone utterly sadistic. “Uuuuuugh, I really don’t want to watch Jericho beat Wardlow, god damn it.” Someone who once stabbed a man in the jugular. “lol does he mean the icicle spot in the Stadium Stampede? Feels like a stretch, but okay.” A man who once robbed a bank. “WHAT. WHAT. NO. WHAT. WHAT???” With no mask on. “SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO. WHAT.”
Nick fucking Gage on Dynamite. It still doesn’t feel real, honestly. What a fucking world. I couldn’t even pay attention to the Miro package that followed, I was too caught up in the blur of MDK ALL FUCKING DAY!!!
Frankie Kazarian vs. Doc Gallows: Hey Tony Khan. C’mon, open the door, I just want to talk. THIS WAS BULLSHIT AND I HATE IT. What is even the point of Elite Hunter Kaz if he can’t beat LITERALLY THE WORST MEMBER OF THE SUPER ELITE??? No way they buried the heavy metal rebel just to set up a Kenny/Hangman segment? Because it was amazing, but not worth that sort of cost and also they could have jumped him after a win just as easily!! Ugh, this had better have a good pay off with Kaz showing up on Impact now. At least the Kenny/Hangman staredown was satisfying, Hangman standing tall with Dark Order behind him and all.
Brian Cage calling out Team Taz, you love to see it! Finally a feud for them that amounts to more than them picking a random fight and NEVER LETTING UP ON IT EVER.
Darby Allin vs. Wheeler Yuta: Another weirdly (yet delightfully!) high-profile match for Wheeler, now seemingly officially adopted into Best Friends? Fyter Fest is for the Yoots, apparently! I’m pretty sure this introduction is so that he can replace Trent while he’s recovering from surgery so they don’t have to replace Best Friends in the inevitable inaugural trios championship match vs. Death Triangle. RIP Sting’s shins after that horrific showdown with Orange, who’s post-match attack by the Blade actually had me wondering if there would be a last-minute change to the card...
Britt Baker (c) vs. Nyla Rose for the AEW Women's World Championship: Not as good as their match from the eliminator tournament, but still pretty good! A nice showcase of how much better Britt has gotten in-ring since her start in AEW, for sure, but boy I wish A) I was more invested in this and B) it wasn’t literally the only plot in the entire women’s division, now finished. At least they weren’t buried in the second-to-last slot for once?
Great little press conference between FTR and PnP, edited all to shit for TV. Thankfully, they released it uncut on youtube, GOD Santana is low-key one of the best promos around, I adore him.
Andrade’s new manager is Chavo Guerrero, I guess! Really glad they swerved away from Vickie while keeping it in the family, she’s already done next to nothing for Nyla as her manager and I have a very low tolerance for her gimmick, doubling down on it would be no bueno. Though it is starting to seem like they’re struggling to find a place for Andrade? At least Death Triangle’s response ruled, I love their attitude of ‘fuck you we are totally the Latino faces of AEW even if we hang out with an angry British goblin, he’s ours and we love him’. So good.
Christian promo calling out Matt and the HFO for jumping Marko and seriously, why is this still happening? Almost as filler-feeling as QT saying he’ll apologize to Tony for the milkshake thing next week. I miss Ogogo, when will his eye be better?
Orange Cassidy vs. The Blade: Surprisingly good shit? I don’t know why I was surprised, they’re both damn good wrestlers, I just wasn’t expecting a whole lot since they’ve been dancing all month. But yeah, good shit! There was this one absolutely FILTHY doctor bomb onto the top turnbuckle that looked SO brutal, goddamn. I like it when Orange gets mean, not just angry, but MEAN, and that last Orange Punch with the knuckledusters was beautiful.
Jericho is gonna be busting out his old Painmaker clown makeup for the fight with Gage, haha amazing.
Jon Moxley (c) vs. Lance Archer in a Texas Death Match for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: I was all ready and resigned to watch my big red murder man lose yet another title match, man. As long as the match was even half as good as their Tokyo Dome deathmatch, I’d be content. No way in hell Mox drops the belt on a non-NJPW show after holding it for like a year and a half, right? To another non-NJPW wrestler? When the only reason Lance had it in the first place was because Mox had to vacate because of the tsunamis?
And then.
AND THEN.
AND NEW!!!!
I straight up had to stand and jump in the air a bunch to vent my excitement because it was very late and I was very close to yelling a lot as soon as I realized Mox was good and stuck in that barbed wire and there were only like two minutes left in the show HE DID IT HE DID IT HE FINALLY DID IT ALL THE LOSSES AND BLOOD WAS WORTH IT I’M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY this show really started and ended with some WILD emotions from me, fucking hell
Fight for the Fallen
The Elite vs. Hangman Page and Dark Order in a 10 Man Elimination Match: God. GOD. Okay, I will have to be brief about the rest of the show because I am gonna get INTO IT now, fuck. First, the intros. The video intro for Hangman and Dark Order was SO EXTRA, they finally used that new theme I found on Spotify months ago, and I particularly liked the way the voiceover went out of its way never to gender the hypothetical cowboy it spoke of, using only they/them pronouns because ANYONE can be a cowboy. HANGMAN’S NEW GEAR, WITH THE PURPLE ROSES TO MATCH HIS POSSE I WANT TO CRY THEY ALL LOOKED SO GOOD. Also the way that the graphic only referred to them as ‘Dark Order’ instead of ‘Hangman AND Dark Order’, it might seem like a nothing distinction, but it’s SO significant a marker of his growth that he’s willing to truly let himself be a part of a group again; even if he’s not officially a member, the rebuilt trust in both himself and his friends required for him to not feel the need to WELL ACTUALLY the designation is genuinely beautiful? He can be a part of something again! Something beautiful! I also wonder if that means his whole drawing will eventually come to pass with him riding a horse to the ring with all seven of them (plus Anna!) right there with them when he beats Kenny. And then the fucking Super Elite coming out in an extended Space Jam riff because they are so damn good at being the worst, fuck. Extra points for Kenny finally being able to do his stupid NORTH CAROLINAAAAAA intro IN North Carolina for the first time, leaning into the Michael Jordan of it all WHILE making it about corporate synergy was just the icing on the cake.
Okay, then the match itself was fairly amazing? These kinds of massive multi-man matches are usually just entertaining messes, but the elimination format let there be a really solid through-line to tell a story throughout, with a steady build, emotional climax, heartbreaking denouement, and plenty of fun spots throughout. Uno and Stu got to shine like the tag team title contenders they should be, Stu and Gallows getting counted out because Stu was doing genuinely crazy shit out in the crowd was brilliant (though he took one truly disgusting bump where it looked like the Good Brothers fucked up catching him?), Alex was eliminated tragically early but he got that nice superplex in before he went, and the whole thing coming down to Hangman and Silver (in his first match back since fucking up his shoulder vs. Darby months ago) was so lovely.
And then it was down to Hangman vs. Kenny and the Bucks and I wanted to die! Because that’s when you know he can’t win it, right? He can’t take on all three of AEW’s top champions at once, his former friends and current demons, it’s just not doable, and yet… he’s just good enough to make you believe it’s possible, just for a minute. Hitting all his iconic moves like it’s the last time we’ll be seeing him for a while, the Orihara, the double Buckshot Lariat on BOTH Bucks, the Deadeye. God, the PARALLELS here, Hangman standing on the apron staring at the three of them in the ring like it’s Revolution 2020 all over again, except everything is so different and so awful now. Truly wild to believe that back then, it seemed like Hangman was the one who was going to turn heel. Matt being the only one of the three Hangman was able to successfully put away was chef’s kiss (if god isn’t in favour of HangMatt, why do I keep winning), and then Nick grabbing his legs in the callback to the night he sabotaged the Bucks’ win in the tag team gauntlet AAAAAAAAAAAH. IT’S ALL JUST SO MUCH. IT’S TOO MUCH.
Which brings me to the finish. What a gut punch, man. No title shot for Hangman at All Out after all, no great triumph at the site of his two most wrenching failures, no big full circle moment. Full Gear is where he last lost to Kenny, true, and it’s the PPV named after a BTE storyline about him being relentlessly bodyshamed, yeah, but it still just won’t be the same there. Full circle and a quarter. A lot of people are speculating that this happened because of CM Punk coming in and not wanting to overshadow Hangman’s big win, but that doesn’t ring true to me; as long as Punk is early in the show, surely more big iconic moments in one night is only a good thing. I think this was more about Hangman’s wife’s due date being a LOT closer than most people seem to think? Like, probably within the next few weeks, close enough to All Out to really jeopardize his availability. Putting things off a little bit longer is probably smart. Still fucking hurts, though! Hopefully the fact that this ended with him eating a One-Winged Angel just like he did in November will shut up the people who think he should lose against Kenny in their first title bout, take your precious L and go. Also, this means that if he kicks out of it, it’ll be on the third time, which is very tasty.
I just… have a lot of feelings. Okay moving on.
It’s looking like this Death Triangle stuff might lead to Andrade vs. PAC at All Out? Should be fun! Gonna be hard not to resent every match on the card for not having Hangman in it, though!
The Ricky Starks celebration thing was fairly delightful, but I will not forgive Brian easily for attacking the trombone player.
AND THEN TANAHASHI CUT A PROMO CHALLENGING THE IWGP US CHAMP?? TANAHASHI IS HERE?? WHAT IS HAPPENING WRESTLING IS SO COOL RIGHT NOW.
Santana and Ortiz vs. FTR: Hahaha, GOD what a disappointment. This was one of my most anticipated matches of an already-crazy night, something I’ve been looking forward to for MONTHS, and then they totally had to call an audible and wrap it early, before they could even really kick it into any higher gears, because Cash got hurt GOD DAMN IT. Hopefully he’s all right so they can have a proper rematch with a better ending. If Santana & Ortiz are destined for tag team gold, FTR winning here makes me wonder if they’re delaying it alongside Hangman winning the top title, so the Elite all drop their belts at once? LET ME HAVE MY WISHFUL THINKING, PLEASE.
Something something Britt promo about her broken wrist, god damn she gets hurt a lot.
I think I am to gather from Darby’s promo that he’ll be fighting CM Punk when that’s official? I don’t know this guy!
Lance Archer (c) vs. Hikuleo for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship: GOSH IT FEELS NICE TO SEE HIM WITH A BELT FOR ONCE. Anyway, this was fun, love that they managed to find a guy bigger than him for his first defense, but even more than that I love that, after Tama Tonga has just been constantly calling out Kenny and Bucks on twitter for like a year now with no sign that he’ll ever actually leave Japan to follow through, it’s his BABY BROTHER who ACTUALLY fucking shows up on Dynamite instead of just talking endless shit.
HILARIOUS bit here where Cody seems like he’s gearing up to give one of his big bullshit inspirational speeches and then Malakai materializes out of nowhere to kick him right in the fucking face before he can get going and honestly, it ruled so hard. God I hope he wins. Also Fuego shows up to defend Cody’s honour in his li’l Nightmare Family track jacket and Malakai lays him out so hard it looked like he died!
Miro promo, vengeful god, double-joined wife, the usual (the usual remains great).
Christian Cage, Jungle Boy, and Luchasaurus vs. H.F.O.: Why is this still a thing? Where is this going? They REALLY couldn’t give this time to the women or something? I’m guessing it’s going to lead to some drama between Christian and Jurassic Express down the line, but for now it’s just kinda… there.
Julia Hart vs. Thunder Rosa: They announced this match the day before the show. July consisted of four huge PPV-worthy shows to celebrate AEW’s return to touring, and the women were a total afterthought for almost all of them. It’s seriously pathetic. I’m so tired of harping on this! Surely everyone is tired of me harping on this! FUCKING BE BETTER. This was Rosa’s first match as an official part of the roster, at least, which is nice. I love her so damn much.
Mox cutting a promo on Tanahashi about how he’s dead to him was an absolute joy, I am champing at the bit to see what New Japan has planned for him now that the world is starting to open up again, allegedly all this forbidden door stuff was opened primarily because they wanted to use him more in particular, so.
Chris Jericho vs. Nick Gage, The 5 Labors of Jericho: Chapter 2 (No Rules Match): hahaha holy shit I can’t believe this really happened
pizza cutter
light tubes
AVALANCHE FRANKENSTEINER THROUGH A PANE OF GLASS, I JUST
They truly just put Nick Gage on television and let him do his horrific thing, and while it was definitely a LITTLE toned down compared to some GCW matches I’ve seen, he really adapted to the format well. Shout out to Aubrey doing the three count in all that broken glass without a MOMENT'S hesitation. Jericho is in his 50s and went so hard here, taking so much punishment, that I do think I believe this whole ‘labours’ thing might be his farewell tour after all (this would also go a long to explaining why the Inner Circle/Pinnacle feud was so weird in its escalation if it was more about Chris just getting to go out with a bang). Retirement match vs. MJF at All Out, maybe?
Wow, it got really hot out, but I got all my filing done and the day is almost over and I’m off tomorrow for Heritage Day, so I win!