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Dynamite (03.31.2021)
lol hey, remember a few hours ago, when I said the card for dynamite this week wasn't particularly inspiring? and then the ending to the stupid gimmick main event just about made me cry out of sheer excited emotion? yeah, that happened
Christian Cage vs. Frankie Kazarian: Starting with one of the big guns! Christian back in the ring! This was a pretty perfect debut match for him after so long, Frankie is a great wrestler that fits right into his new 'outwork everyone' gimmick, and he really had to work had for that win. One Royal Rumble is not gonna knock off seven years worth of ring rust, you know? Looking forward to seeing what he gets up to next.
NEW ARTSY BLACK AND WHITE DARBY VIDEO! Looks like he's gonna beef with Matt Hardy next in addition to this whole open challenge thing he's got going on for his belt? Hardy starting to feel spread real thin all of a sudden.
Jade Cargill still real good at cutting endless promos. I still want more showing and less telling from her. Get on that, Red Velvet.
Cody Rhodes vs. QT Marshall in an Exhibition Match: NIGHTMARE FAMILY CIVIL WAR WHAT. Hey, remember months ago when Jake the Snake called Cody 'Caesar'? Well QT just fucking Ides of Marched him and it RULED. First of all, the match that preceded the chaos felt like an absolute win in the Cody Have An Interesting Character Again 2021 Challenge, he really nailed that blend of not wanting to hurt his friend while being a total condescending prick about it, locking in all his signature moves and then refusing to execute them. TECHNICALLY he's being a good guy but doing it, yeah, but also oh my god fuck you Cody. So good. As for the big twist, I'm skeptical about how interesting a QT-led faction of heel jobbers is gonna be, but I loved his 'oh fuck what did I do' expression after he clobbered Arn giving way to fucking up his tag partner (it's not a big Rhodes family moment if Dustin isn't bleeding ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE) and evilly taking his little stair throne. As for the Nightmare Factory kids that he took with him, I love how well they set Anthony's turn up by having him constantly put QT over on Dark in his commentary, Nick feels like a logical monster man choice, but AARON?? LEE JUST GOT YOU YOUR FIRST EVER WIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. THIS IS WHY -1 CALLED YOU AN EXTRA, FUCK YOU AARON.
Ethan and Scorpio teaming up! Seems... kinda weird, tbh, since I assume they'd both rather gun for a big solo push? Even though they both have historically been tag team guys with other people? Maybe it's just leading to a quick personality clash and then they can feud with each other? We'll see, Ethan is really growing on me quickly.
I wonder how far in advance this Nightmare Family stuff was planned, because Red Velvet is still VERY much playing the role of substitute Brandi here in backing up Cody. Hopefully we get a singles match between her and Jade sooner rather than later, but it's nice that she has multiple things going on.
Mox promos just don't hit as hard without Eddie next to him. :(
Jon Moxley vs. Cezar Bononi: Still happy for Bononi getting these shots, hope the situation with his wife gets resolved, because it sounds like he's going through an absolute nightmare IRL right now. I'm guessing this match just exists to give Mox a reason to be in the building for later stuff?
Another TEAM TAZ IS FINE promo, I love these so much and am going to miss them when things come to a head. Poor Taz. He just assembled too many large sons, it was not a sustainable level of boy.
And then we get to the 'MJF's gift for the Pinnacle' thing, which was EASILY the part of the night I was least looking forward to, and then the INNER CIRCLE WERE HIDING IN THE FUCKING BATHROOM AND WE GOT A LITTLE MINI-CINEMATIC MATCH OF THEM BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF THE PINNACLE ALL OVER DAILY'S PLACE AND IT RULED SO HARD AND I HATE MJF SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME ROOT FOR THE INNER CIRCLE UUUUUUUUUUUUGH. Did not like Wardlow going through the massage table, obviously, though he WAS very handsome, and the li'l FTR vs. PnP taster I got was extremely tasty. BLEED, BITCH, BLEEEEEEEEED.
And then Don Callis isolated Matt (knowing he's the more emotional of the two brothers, Nick still smart enough to just walk the fuck away when this asshole shows up), slapped him in the face, called him pathetic and OH MY GOD I'M VIBRATING WITH RAGE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, SO PROUD OF MATT FOR KEEPING HIS COOL, LOVE YOU BB. He's come so far since the days when he turned into a jealous little monster over Kenny and Kota, he KNOWS how damaging that behaviour was to him and he's trying SO HARD to be better, but Kenny and Don will not rest until either he or Kenny breaks completely and aaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhh so many feelings about these boys.
Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers vs. Laredo Kid and the Lucha Brothers: A good match, lots of fun moves (from both sides, which is a little unexpected with the Good Brothers, that little three-man pile-up splash thing was great), all completely overshadowed by THAT FUCKING ENDING. MOXBUCKS FINALLY HAPPENING, YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I CAN FINALLY PUT AWAY MY CONSPIRACY BOARD TRACKING HOW MANY TIMES THE BUCKS HAVE WORN THEIR CAMO GEAR AND HOW IT RELATED TO MOXLEY'S DEALINGS WITH KENNY AS FAR BACK AS LAST SUMMER. MOXBUCKS!!!
Quick Britt promo, looks like we're not done with her and Rosa just yet. See you on Elevation.
Matt Hardy cut a little thing once again confirming that he's gunning for Tay Conti specifically because of her associations with Dark Order, which I really like and which stands as a great example of how putting women into stables with men pays dividends in terms of plot for the women's division, even without bringing intergender matches into the fray. A big, random women's tag match that can trace its origins back to Hangman's feud with Matt Hardy, all because Brodie brought Anna into the Dark Order a year ago and she made a friend in the women's tag team cup tournament. In conclusion, more coed factions plz!
Hikaru Shida and Tay Conti vs. The Bunny and Nyla Rose: Absolute chaos, oh my god, I love that Tay and the Bunny both brought their entire GIANT ENTOURAGES for the whole match, you'd never guess there were only four people in the match itself. Literally a dozen men (plus Vickie!) at ringside for a women's match, you love to see it. I do wonder why TH2 don't seem to have made the HFO cut, though.
The Godzilla vs. Kong tie-in is very very silly, but the actual Jurassic Express/Bear Country match has been set up nicely, so I WILL ALLOW IT.
Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy vs. Kip Sabian and Miro in an Arcade Anarchy Match: Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I was so over this feud, but after the Parking Lot Brawl with Santana & Ortiz, I knew the Best Friends were good at big gimmicky blowoff matches, so I was cautiously optimistic for this and then OH MY GOD. First of all, I loved the whole setup, with the cheap looking homemade arcade props and stuff. It's like the polar opposite of the shiny, glossy WWE vibe that I just can't seem to get into. The match was good, fun and hard hitting for the bulk, with some great, enjoyable spots. AND THEN KRIS STATLANDER POPPED OUT OF A CRANE GAME TO SAVE ORANGE FROM PENELOPE FORD AND I LOST MY GODDAMN MIND I AM HONESTLY KINDA STILL LOSING IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. She's been out since LAST FUCKING JUNE, I knew she was hopefully gonna be back soonish, but I was NOT expecting it here in the SLIGHTEST, just a total shock, especially since Tony Khan had specifically said that he never expected the Kris/Orange link to ever make it off of Being the Elite AAAAAAAHHHHHH. Oh, and then Orange and Chuck started very slowly crawling away and I saw the headlights in the distance and immediately knew what was coming and started lOSING MY MIND ALL OVER AGAIN TRENT'S BACK TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, HIS TITTY'S ALL BETTER AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS AWAY, THE BEST FRIENDS ARE TOGETHER ONCE MORE, WITH A BRAND NEW ALIEN FRIEND TO BOOT AND ALSO ORANGE GETS TO COME OUT TO THE FUCKING PIXIES NOW AND THE FOUR OF THEM HUGGING AND TOSSING THUMBS UPS TO SUE IN HER MINIVAN IS LITERALLY THE BEST ENDING TO A WRESTLING SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN I WANT TO CRY FROM THE PERFECTION GOODNIGHT
Christian Cage vs. Frankie Kazarian: Starting with one of the big guns! Christian back in the ring! This was a pretty perfect debut match for him after so long, Frankie is a great wrestler that fits right into his new 'outwork everyone' gimmick, and he really had to work had for that win. One Royal Rumble is not gonna knock off seven years worth of ring rust, you know? Looking forward to seeing what he gets up to next.
NEW ARTSY BLACK AND WHITE DARBY VIDEO! Looks like he's gonna beef with Matt Hardy next in addition to this whole open challenge thing he's got going on for his belt? Hardy starting to feel spread real thin all of a sudden.
Jade Cargill still real good at cutting endless promos. I still want more showing and less telling from her. Get on that, Red Velvet.
Cody Rhodes vs. QT Marshall in an Exhibition Match: NIGHTMARE FAMILY CIVIL WAR WHAT. Hey, remember months ago when Jake the Snake called Cody 'Caesar'? Well QT just fucking Ides of Marched him and it RULED. First of all, the match that preceded the chaos felt like an absolute win in the Cody Have An Interesting Character Again 2021 Challenge, he really nailed that blend of not wanting to hurt his friend while being a total condescending prick about it, locking in all his signature moves and then refusing to execute them. TECHNICALLY he's being a good guy but doing it, yeah, but also oh my god fuck you Cody. So good. As for the big twist, I'm skeptical about how interesting a QT-led faction of heel jobbers is gonna be, but I loved his 'oh fuck what did I do' expression after he clobbered Arn giving way to fucking up his tag partner (it's not a big Rhodes family moment if Dustin isn't bleeding ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE) and evilly taking his little stair throne. As for the Nightmare Factory kids that he took with him, I love how well they set Anthony's turn up by having him constantly put QT over on Dark in his commentary, Nick feels like a logical monster man choice, but AARON?? LEE JUST GOT YOU YOUR FIRST EVER WIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. THIS IS WHY -1 CALLED YOU AN EXTRA, FUCK YOU AARON.
Ethan and Scorpio teaming up! Seems... kinda weird, tbh, since I assume they'd both rather gun for a big solo push? Even though they both have historically been tag team guys with other people? Maybe it's just leading to a quick personality clash and then they can feud with each other? We'll see, Ethan is really growing on me quickly.
I wonder how far in advance this Nightmare Family stuff was planned, because Red Velvet is still VERY much playing the role of substitute Brandi here in backing up Cody. Hopefully we get a singles match between her and Jade sooner rather than later, but it's nice that she has multiple things going on.
Mox promos just don't hit as hard without Eddie next to him. :(
Jon Moxley vs. Cezar Bononi: Still happy for Bononi getting these shots, hope the situation with his wife gets resolved, because it sounds like he's going through an absolute nightmare IRL right now. I'm guessing this match just exists to give Mox a reason to be in the building for later stuff?
Another TEAM TAZ IS FINE promo, I love these so much and am going to miss them when things come to a head. Poor Taz. He just assembled too many large sons, it was not a sustainable level of boy.
And then we get to the 'MJF's gift for the Pinnacle' thing, which was EASILY the part of the night I was least looking forward to, and then the INNER CIRCLE WERE HIDING IN THE FUCKING BATHROOM AND WE GOT A LITTLE MINI-CINEMATIC MATCH OF THEM BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF THE PINNACLE ALL OVER DAILY'S PLACE AND IT RULED SO HARD AND I HATE MJF SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME ROOT FOR THE INNER CIRCLE UUUUUUUUUUUUGH. Did not like Wardlow going through the massage table, obviously, though he WAS very handsome, and the li'l FTR vs. PnP taster I got was extremely tasty. BLEED, BITCH, BLEEEEEEEEED.
And then Don Callis isolated Matt (knowing he's the more emotional of the two brothers, Nick still smart enough to just walk the fuck away when this asshole shows up), slapped him in the face, called him pathetic and OH MY GOD I'M VIBRATING WITH RAGE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, SO PROUD OF MATT FOR KEEPING HIS COOL, LOVE YOU BB. He's come so far since the days when he turned into a jealous little monster over Kenny and Kota, he KNOWS how damaging that behaviour was to him and he's trying SO HARD to be better, but Kenny and Don will not rest until either he or Kenny breaks completely and aaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhh so many feelings about these boys.
Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers vs. Laredo Kid and the Lucha Brothers: A good match, lots of fun moves (from both sides, which is a little unexpected with the Good Brothers, that little three-man pile-up splash thing was great), all completely overshadowed by THAT FUCKING ENDING. MOXBUCKS FINALLY HAPPENING, YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I CAN FINALLY PUT AWAY MY CONSPIRACY BOARD TRACKING HOW MANY TIMES THE BUCKS HAVE WORN THEIR CAMO GEAR AND HOW IT RELATED TO MOXLEY'S DEALINGS WITH KENNY AS FAR BACK AS LAST SUMMER. MOXBUCKS!!!
Quick Britt promo, looks like we're not done with her and Rosa just yet. See you on Elevation.
Matt Hardy cut a little thing once again confirming that he's gunning for Tay Conti specifically because of her associations with Dark Order, which I really like and which stands as a great example of how putting women into stables with men pays dividends in terms of plot for the women's division, even without bringing intergender matches into the fray. A big, random women's tag match that can trace its origins back to Hangman's feud with Matt Hardy, all because Brodie brought Anna into the Dark Order a year ago and she made a friend in the women's tag team cup tournament. In conclusion, more coed factions plz!
Hikaru Shida and Tay Conti vs. The Bunny and Nyla Rose: Absolute chaos, oh my god, I love that Tay and the Bunny both brought their entire GIANT ENTOURAGES for the whole match, you'd never guess there were only four people in the match itself. Literally a dozen men (plus Vickie!) at ringside for a women's match, you love to see it. I do wonder why TH2 don't seem to have made the HFO cut, though.
The Godzilla vs. Kong tie-in is very very silly, but the actual Jurassic Express/Bear Country match has been set up nicely, so I WILL ALLOW IT.
Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy vs. Kip Sabian and Miro in an Arcade Anarchy Match: Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I was so over this feud, but after the Parking Lot Brawl with Santana & Ortiz, I knew the Best Friends were good at big gimmicky blowoff matches, so I was cautiously optimistic for this and then OH MY GOD. First of all, I loved the whole setup, with the cheap looking homemade arcade props and stuff. It's like the polar opposite of the shiny, glossy WWE vibe that I just can't seem to get into. The match was good, fun and hard hitting for the bulk, with some great, enjoyable spots. AND THEN KRIS STATLANDER POPPED OUT OF A CRANE GAME TO SAVE ORANGE FROM PENELOPE FORD AND I LOST MY GODDAMN MIND I AM HONESTLY KINDA STILL LOSING IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. She's been out since LAST FUCKING JUNE, I knew she was hopefully gonna be back soonish, but I was NOT expecting it here in the SLIGHTEST, just a total shock, especially since Tony Khan had specifically said that he never expected the Kris/Orange link to ever make it off of Being the Elite AAAAAAAHHHHHH. Oh, and then Orange and Chuck started very slowly crawling away and I saw the headlights in the distance and immediately knew what was coming and started lOSING MY MIND ALL OVER AGAIN TRENT'S BACK TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, HIS TITTY'S ALL BETTER AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS AWAY, THE BEST FRIENDS ARE TOGETHER ONCE MORE, WITH A BRAND NEW ALIEN FRIEND TO BOOT AND ALSO ORANGE GETS TO COME OUT TO THE FUCKING PIXIES NOW AND THE FOUR OF THEM HUGGING AND TOSSING THUMBS UPS TO SUE IN HER MINIVAN IS LITERALLY THE BEST ENDING TO A WRESTLING SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN I WANT TO CRY FROM THE PERFECTION GOODNIGHT