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STARDOM 5★STAR Grand Prix 2023 ~ Opening Round
Another weekend done and gone, which means only two more days until I'm back to work, which means forcing myself to focus on all of the things I'm enjoying instead of letting that get me down. I just got out of a very nice, very hot bath, and it was steamy enough that you'd never be able to tell that the bit in the podcast where Cary Grant and Jean Adair reunite on the Arsenic and Old Lace set made me cry.
Speaking of excessive emotions, I think I shall ramble about two things that I was deep in my feelings about this weekend, a... wrestling show from a month ago and a fitness app? This can't be right.
This will be my first 5*GP since I started watching Stardom full time (I watched last year's but not until months after it was over), and while I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting it so late, considering how the show ended, maybe it was for the best that I knew what was going to happen?
(Blue Stars) Maika defeats Hanan: Quick and dirty, a fast and hard-hitting opener that really set the tone for the tournament nicely IMO.
(Blue Stars) Mariah May defeats AZM: Really fun matchup between two wrestlers who don't seem like they should mesh super well on paper, loved seeing Mariah get the win. It's kind of astounding how quickly she went from 'oh, it's wrestle Barbie, okay' to one of my absolute favourites.
(Red Stars) Natsuko Tora defeats Ami Sourei: Hell yeah, Natsuko, beat her boring ass outta here. I'M SORRY, I LIKE AMI JUST FINE, BUT THAT SPOT COULD HAVE BEEN FILLED BY SO MANY MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE. SAKI KASHIMA IS RIGHT THERE.
(Red Stars) Natsupoi defeats Starlight Kid: god I hate that fairy so goddamn much
(Blue Stars) Utami Hayashishita defeats Mina Shirakawa: This was great, and I'm still incapable of seeing Utami without going straight into I SAW HER. I SAW HER LIKE A WEEK BEFORE THIS HAPPENED. SHE WAS LIKE A FOOT AWAY FROM ME. SHE JUST WALKED RIGHT BY ME mode.
(Blue Stars) Momo Watanabe defeats MIRAI: HELL YEAH MOMO, YOU TAKE DOWN THAT CLAP MERCHANT. I am never beating the New Eras hating allegations, am I, shit
(Red Stars) Syuri defeats Suzu Suzuki: Holy shit, this FUCKED. These last three matches before the main event were all such brilliant uses of the short match format, with each one building on and one-upping the others, to the point where it might have been in the running for one of my favourite shows of the year (top 10 at least, anyway) were it not how it ended?
(Red Stars) Mayu Iwatani defeats Hazuki: JUST TWO FRIENDS BEATING THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF EACH FOR THIRTEEN MINUTES, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Just brutal stuff, and the respect at the end, and the way you just KNOW they'll go even harder if they ever have to face each other again? Mwah.
(Blue Stars) Giulia vs. Saori Anou [DRAW]: MATCH OF THE NIGHT, HELL YEAH. The sheer amount of ridiculous shit they packed into fifteen minutes, here, MAN. I hope Saori wasn't split open too badly, but we all know the real danger of accidentally bleeding everywhere when your gear is all white is that you may simply end up looking TOO badass.
(Red Stars) Tam Nakano defeats Saya Kamitani by referee's decision: And then ooooooooof, the reason why this is a DW entry at all hits like a ton of bricks. Or like a crazy person jumping off a lighting fixture and dislocating her elbow and tearing some ligaments! I had obviously known about Saya's injury ahead of time, that it had happened in her first match of the tournament, that she well could have been the one to win the whole thing otherwise and how heartbreaking the whole situation was, but I don't think I was really prepared for the reality of watching it play out? I've seen plenty of injuries now (I was literally in the room with Bryan Danielson when he broke his arm in June, in ANOTHER big main event match), but it's usually in the context of a quick aside in a tag match as they're helped away from the ring or something you don't find out about until later. I think the closest in vibes I've seen since I started watching wrestling was when Hangman got knocked the fuck out on Dynamite, and since I watch that on a delay, I had the benefit of being able to pop on Twitter and confirm that he was okay while the scary shit played out offscreen on TV. Even last year, when Saya accidentally kicked out a bunch of Mina's teeth, they were able to stick it out to a finish and Mina cut a promo through her bloody, broken mouth afterward! Here, though... there was nothing else to cut to, you know? Saya is just hurt and the match is just over and everyone's scrambling to do the jobs they are all prepared to do in an emergency, because it's something you have to always be prepared for in an art form that involves people constantly putting their physical well-being on the line to entertain us, and all we can do is keep watching, because the show must go on! Eventually! I guess! I don't know, it's just moments like these that make me feel weirdly... culpable? This woman in the prime of her life got hurt doing something I wanted to see her do, and that sucks, and while I don't think there's some deeper moral lesson to take from this, some cool things are just dangerous and that's okay as long as everyone involved is trained and willing, I do think just sitting back and acknowledging that sometimes is important, I guess.
I just feel bad! I feel bad for Saya, seeing how hard she was crying as they stretchered her out, knowing all that she just lost in an instant. I feel bad for Tam, who stayed right by Saya's side on the floor the entire time and then had to somehow compose herself enough to cut her usual spunky post-match promo to set up the show's closing angle. I feel bad for Megan Bayne, who had to have her big debut undercut by all that, and for Utami having to introduce her while her teammate is in the back getting medical attention.
Wrestling, man! It'll break your heart sometimes.
MUCH LIKE ZOMBIES FUCKING RUN, APPARENTLY. I think I vomited out most of my feelings about the back quarter or so of the season on Mastodon as I went, but after it kinda lost me with the less cohesive and more stagnant-feeling season 4, DAMN did 5 manage to fuck me up quite a bit!
This is one of those things where I'm genuinely unsure if it's as good as it feels like it is, or if they're just able to get away with more because you're physically exerting yourself while you listen to it, so you imprint on it more. Would it hold up to someone just listening to the missions on their own? I genuinely don't know, but nor do I really care, I AM IN THIS SHIT FOR THE LONG HAUL.
That whole stretch of episodes where you're stuck in Abel and genuinely have no clue who you can trust and who you can't, but kinda have to just trust people and HOPE they don't betray you and end up being wrong a lot of the time? That shit was INTENSELY stressful to me, like goddamn. It didn't help that it had kinda felt since the end of season 3 that they'd settled into a comfortable rut where most of the characters were pretty narratively safe and then BLAM OWEN JUST GETS SHOT IN THE FUCKING HEAD OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RANDOM MISSION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON. Stakes, baby!! Oh that's right this is still a post-apocalyptic story where life is cheap and death is cheaper, good to know, thanks!!! Sure, let's bring Evan back after everything just to drop him down a fucking crevasse in Finland, WHY THE FUCK NOT
And then the finale involved a LOT of listening to Sam getting tortured, which was... great. Great and good. Totally cool stuff, really. WE JUST GOT TO HEAR HIM GET EATEN BY ZOMBIES LAST SEASON, CAN HE NOT JUST BE OFF LIMITS FOR A BIT??? Anyway, he's on my shitlist for not just letting me strangle Ian when I had the chance, tbh.
Jody as reluctant leader is everything, she deserves the world, as do BOTH de Lucas, oh my god Janine please stop telling your brother you're going to shoot him I don't care if he finds it comforting
Oh, also there's a horrible mystery monster under Abel? I'm sure that's nothing.
Also, I have no idea if it was on purpose or not, but it really got to me that so much of the end of the mission with Ian and Sam was about how death is this great equalizer, and that it can serve as an atonement no matter what someone has done........ when right near the beginning of the mission we got a reminder that we now have a guy on the team who has a fuckton to atone for and literally can't die no matter how much he wishes he could, OOOOOOOF. I think I may have a lot of feelings about Simon/Peter!
Good thing there are only... FIVE MORE FUCKING SEASONS OF THIS??? FUCK.
Okay, it's almost five o'clock, I go bed now. Good morning!
Speaking of excessive emotions, I think I shall ramble about two things that I was deep in my feelings about this weekend, a... wrestling show from a month ago and a fitness app? This can't be right.
This will be my first 5*GP since I started watching Stardom full time (I watched last year's but not until months after it was over), and while I'm a little annoyed with myself for starting it so late, considering how the show ended, maybe it was for the best that I knew what was going to happen?
(Blue Stars) Maika defeats Hanan: Quick and dirty, a fast and hard-hitting opener that really set the tone for the tournament nicely IMO.
(Blue Stars) Mariah May defeats AZM: Really fun matchup between two wrestlers who don't seem like they should mesh super well on paper, loved seeing Mariah get the win. It's kind of astounding how quickly she went from 'oh, it's wrestle Barbie, okay' to one of my absolute favourites.
(Red Stars) Natsuko Tora defeats Ami Sourei: Hell yeah, Natsuko, beat her boring ass outta here. I'M SORRY, I LIKE AMI JUST FINE, BUT THAT SPOT COULD HAVE BEEN FILLED BY SO MANY MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE. SAKI KASHIMA IS RIGHT THERE.
(Red Stars) Natsupoi defeats Starlight Kid: god I hate that fairy so goddamn much
(Blue Stars) Utami Hayashishita defeats Mina Shirakawa: This was great, and I'm still incapable of seeing Utami without going straight into I SAW HER. I SAW HER LIKE A WEEK BEFORE THIS HAPPENED. SHE WAS LIKE A FOOT AWAY FROM ME. SHE JUST WALKED RIGHT BY ME mode.
(Blue Stars) Momo Watanabe defeats MIRAI: HELL YEAH MOMO, YOU TAKE DOWN THAT CLAP MERCHANT. I am never beating the New Eras hating allegations, am I, shit
(Red Stars) Syuri defeats Suzu Suzuki: Holy shit, this FUCKED. These last three matches before the main event were all such brilliant uses of the short match format, with each one building on and one-upping the others, to the point where it might have been in the running for one of my favourite shows of the year (top 10 at least, anyway) were it not how it ended?
(Red Stars) Mayu Iwatani defeats Hazuki: JUST TWO FRIENDS BEATING THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF EACH FOR THIRTEEN MINUTES, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Just brutal stuff, and the respect at the end, and the way you just KNOW they'll go even harder if they ever have to face each other again? Mwah.
(Blue Stars) Giulia vs. Saori Anou [DRAW]: MATCH OF THE NIGHT, HELL YEAH. The sheer amount of ridiculous shit they packed into fifteen minutes, here, MAN. I hope Saori wasn't split open too badly, but we all know the real danger of accidentally bleeding everywhere when your gear is all white is that you may simply end up looking TOO badass.
(Red Stars) Tam Nakano defeats Saya Kamitani by referee's decision: And then ooooooooof, the reason why this is a DW entry at all hits like a ton of bricks. Or like a crazy person jumping off a lighting fixture and dislocating her elbow and tearing some ligaments! I had obviously known about Saya's injury ahead of time, that it had happened in her first match of the tournament, that she well could have been the one to win the whole thing otherwise and how heartbreaking the whole situation was, but I don't think I was really prepared for the reality of watching it play out? I've seen plenty of injuries now (I was literally in the room with Bryan Danielson when he broke his arm in June, in ANOTHER big main event match), but it's usually in the context of a quick aside in a tag match as they're helped away from the ring or something you don't find out about until later. I think the closest in vibes I've seen since I started watching wrestling was when Hangman got knocked the fuck out on Dynamite, and since I watch that on a delay, I had the benefit of being able to pop on Twitter and confirm that he was okay while the scary shit played out offscreen on TV. Even last year, when Saya accidentally kicked out a bunch of Mina's teeth, they were able to stick it out to a finish and Mina cut a promo through her bloody, broken mouth afterward! Here, though... there was nothing else to cut to, you know? Saya is just hurt and the match is just over and everyone's scrambling to do the jobs they are all prepared to do in an emergency, because it's something you have to always be prepared for in an art form that involves people constantly putting their physical well-being on the line to entertain us, and all we can do is keep watching, because the show must go on! Eventually! I guess! I don't know, it's just moments like these that make me feel weirdly... culpable? This woman in the prime of her life got hurt doing something I wanted to see her do, and that sucks, and while I don't think there's some deeper moral lesson to take from this, some cool things are just dangerous and that's okay as long as everyone involved is trained and willing, I do think just sitting back and acknowledging that sometimes is important, I guess.
I just feel bad! I feel bad for Saya, seeing how hard she was crying as they stretchered her out, knowing all that she just lost in an instant. I feel bad for Tam, who stayed right by Saya's side on the floor the entire time and then had to somehow compose herself enough to cut her usual spunky post-match promo to set up the show's closing angle. I feel bad for Megan Bayne, who had to have her big debut undercut by all that, and for Utami having to introduce her while her teammate is in the back getting medical attention.
Wrestling, man! It'll break your heart sometimes.
MUCH LIKE ZOMBIES FUCKING RUN, APPARENTLY. I think I vomited out most of my feelings about the back quarter or so of the season on Mastodon as I went, but after it kinda lost me with the less cohesive and more stagnant-feeling season 4, DAMN did 5 manage to fuck me up quite a bit!
This is one of those things where I'm genuinely unsure if it's as good as it feels like it is, or if they're just able to get away with more because you're physically exerting yourself while you listen to it, so you imprint on it more. Would it hold up to someone just listening to the missions on their own? I genuinely don't know, but nor do I really care, I AM IN THIS SHIT FOR THE LONG HAUL.
That whole stretch of episodes where you're stuck in Abel and genuinely have no clue who you can trust and who you can't, but kinda have to just trust people and HOPE they don't betray you and end up being wrong a lot of the time? That shit was INTENSELY stressful to me, like goddamn. It didn't help that it had kinda felt since the end of season 3 that they'd settled into a comfortable rut where most of the characters were pretty narratively safe and then BLAM OWEN JUST GETS SHOT IN THE FUCKING HEAD OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RANDOM MISSION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON. Stakes, baby!! Oh that's right this is still a post-apocalyptic story where life is cheap and death is cheaper, good to know, thanks!!! Sure, let's bring Evan back after everything just to drop him down a fucking crevasse in Finland, WHY THE FUCK NOT
And then the finale involved a LOT of listening to Sam getting tortured, which was... great. Great and good. Totally cool stuff, really. WE JUST GOT TO HEAR HIM GET EATEN BY ZOMBIES LAST SEASON, CAN HE NOT JUST BE OFF LIMITS FOR A BIT??? Anyway, he's on my shitlist for not just letting me strangle Ian when I had the chance, tbh.
Jody as reluctant leader is everything, she deserves the world, as do BOTH de Lucas, oh my god Janine please stop telling your brother you're going to shoot him I don't care if he finds it comforting
Oh, also there's a horrible mystery monster under Abel? I'm sure that's nothing.
Also, I have no idea if it was on purpose or not, but it really got to me that so much of the end of the mission with Ian and Sam was about how death is this great equalizer, and that it can serve as an atonement no matter what someone has done........ when right near the beginning of the mission we got a reminder that we now have a guy on the team who has a fuckton to atone for and literally can't die no matter how much he wishes he could, OOOOOOOF. I think I may have a lot of feelings about Simon/Peter!
Good thing there are only... FIVE MORE FUCKING SEASONS OF THIS??? FUCK.
Okay, it's almost five o'clock, I go bed now. Good morning!