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Dynamite (03.09.22)
9. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands?
I don't! That was easy. Not regularly, anyway. It just feels like one of those things that, if you don't start doing it by 13 or so, it's too late to ever learn. I'm sure that's not true, but it FEELS true.
COLD, COLD, COLD, EVERYTHING IS COLD AND I'M SO TIRED AND IT'S ONLY THURSDAY. Alas. I have some paperwork that I think I can spread out enough to get me through the day intact, and while last night's Dynamite was a wildly uneven one, the highs were really high and there are a few things I gotta unpack for myself, so that's nice.
Jericho/Kingston Cold Open - The Good:Eddie. Obviously. The man can talk me into enjoying anything, especially if he goes off on a tear about crying in his hotel room ahead of Revolution ("I'll still kick your ass, though") and shuts up a terrible goddamn crowd and their stupid WHAT chants.
Jericho looks amazing?? Like what the fuck, I can actually see bits of the handsome twink he used to be peeking back out of the grizzled MAGA facade that the years have given him.
SANTANA AND ORTIZ ARE FINALLY FREEEEEEEEEEEE, AFTER ALL THESE LONG, LONG MONTHS OF YEARNING, THE TYRANNY OF THE INNER CIRCLE IS DEAD, #JUSTICEFORPNP CAN NOW BE ACHIEVED~~~~
Eddie referring to himself as one of the young guys, lol bitch you're 40. It's a mood, though, we're all in the millennial shit together, my man.
Jericho/Kingston Cold Open - The Bad:Christ, what a convoluted, overdramatic (not in the the good way) mess of a heel turn. It made a little more sense once I thought about it for a minute, I guess Jericho orchestrated the whole scenario to draw out PnP so he could turn on them and get revenge on Eddie in one fell swoop? Still a mess.
That UGLY powerbomb from Hager, jfc that man is not a good wrestler, I'm pretty sure Jeff Parker is the only reason Eddie didn't fucking die on that spot.
The Jericho Appreciation Society is a hilariously terrible name, oh my god, Inner Circle 2.0 was RIGHT THERE.
Getting Santana and Ortiz out from under Jericho's shadow while losing Daniel Garcia to it is some serious monkey's paw wish shit. At least his dads came with him, hopefully they will keep him from getting too subsumed, Sammy-style.
Hangman Page (c) vs. Dante Martin for the AEW World Championship: I was confused about why Dante was still ranked #2 after losing to Hobbs twice, since I figured that was the end of his big singles push now that Darius is back, but I guess they wanted to toss him one last bone after his impromptu year as a solo act; good for him. The Good: This was delightful! Lots of high speed action and really cool, off-the-cuff counters for Dante's high-flying antics, and I love that Hangman finally gets to have a really decisive title defense, one where he stays in control for pretty much the entire match like the champ he is. Also him putting Dante over afterward was SUCH GOOD WHOLESOME COWBOY SHIT. The Bad: NOTHING. The worst I can say beyond a few sloppy spots on Dante's side (because he is fucking TWENTY, like, this is not a dig, he was really put in a position for all his flaws to be exposed when Darius got taken out of commission for so long), is that I'm not super feeling Adam Cole keeping his eyes on the belt for the time being, but as long as they keep feeding random challengers to Hangy like this to keep him fighting while Adam brings the Elite drama to his door, I'm not gonna complain.
AND OH BOY IS HE BRINGING THE DRAMA. When he first started in on his vague tag team bullshit, my thoughts naturally went to the obvious parallel of the time Kenny pulled the rug out from under the Bucks last year with the same 'ooooh, I clearly mean them PSYCH' doubletalk, but I think what he's doing is even more insidious than that, as compared to Kenny's naked cruelty. While Kenny was just doing it to punish the Bucks for not molding to his will, with Adam, it's serving as both carrot AND stick, simultaneously. He phrased it ambiguously not to mislead, but simply to keep his options open; I fully believe he intended to happily team up with the Bucks against Hangman had they been down for it, but he knew they probably wouldn't be so he left himself that 'um actually I meant reDRagon anyway sooooooo' out (even if most of the stuff he said really doesn't apply to them - Bobby Fish does not know Hangman better than he knows himself! Kyle O'Reilly is not living rent-free in Hangman's head!), hurting them in the same WAY that Kenny did, but also... in his own way, too.
DRAMA!!!!!
Bryan Danielson & Jon Moxley vs. The Workhorsemen: The Good: I love that JD can be part of the Wingmen one week and then team up with his old indie partner the next without it being some big thing. SEE ELITE, IT'S POSSIBLE TO HAVE MULTIPLE FRIEND GROUPS WITHOUT BEING WEIRD ABOUT IT. A nice, violent good time had by all, and William Regal just going off on the mic afterward was wonderful, even if it went on way long. I particularly love how he seemingly entered AEW with the intention of just being a coach, then was added to the roster page like a day later, presumably because he saw Sting at Revolution and said 'wtf this dude is a decade older than me I can still do this shit'. THIS IS BRYAN HE'S A PUREBRED WRESTLER I WAITED 6 MONTHS ON A WAITING LIST FOR HIM. THIS IS MOXLEY I FOUND HIM IN THE TRASH. Also he openly flirts with Tony and it rules. I love this old British fuck!! The Bad: Mox stop cheating on Eddie >:[
OKAY, BACK TO FRIENDSHIPS FALLING APART, SIGH. I'm really torn on this Hangman/Dark Order angle. Is he just being a bad friend? Is he actively trying not to be and just failing? He came out to apologize to Alex, he knows he was in the wrong, but also it's a dick move to not even CONSIDER them for the tag match. Just as Hangman assumed Adam was talking about the Bucks, it was clear that Adam just assumed Hangman would ask Dark Order to tag with him again. TWO BAD FRIENDS. TWO BAD ADAMS. Who both think the other is better than he is, somehow? Where the fuck is this GOING, if it really does just end up being reDRagon and Jurassic Express in the six-man, that'll be a massive anticlimax. On the other end of the spectrum, if they actually give me Budge and Dark Order vs. the Hungbucks, I would actually explode, so that's no good, either. I don't want to explode!
PAC vs. Wheeler Yuta: The Good: I like the premise of this match, that it was just something TK was keeping in his back pocket in case the world title match didn't go long. Plus look at all these ridiculous goofs both these serious wrestle boys have at ringside for them! The Bad: Orange confirmed injured. :( Thank god no surgery needed, though, and they're keeping him on camera so it can't be too bad. IF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS LAZY BEFORE...
AND THE SOAP OPERA CONTINUES. Turns out I'm still not over Matt talking openly about how they won't fight Hangman! THE RAINBOW TASSELS, MATT. THE RAINBOW TASSELS, HE'S SUBCONSCIOUSLY TRYING TO BRIDGE THE GAP AND YOU KNOW IT.
FTR firing Tully out of the blue was... weird. Guessing they want to set up a new angle for them as the Pinnacle falls apart (while Tully has Arn to fall back on), but the whole thing rang kinda false and random to me? Eh.
The big AHFO betrayal was set up much better, even if it had the benefit of everyone knowing Jeff Hardy would be showing up to make it relevant. HEY SPEAKING OF, I didn't have much in the way of expectations going in, but WOW seeing the Hardys together again had me feeling some kinda way. I didn't watch wrestling for very long when I was a kid, so I don't have a ton of nostalgia for most of the big names that everyone else gets excited for, but damn if I didn't love the Hardy Boyz, and knowing that they'll get to finish their careers together after all is... dang, man. Dang! It's a lot! Also lol forever at him dancing his way down to the ring as his brother gets his ass beat, PRIORITIES.
New guy's gonna fight the butterface, cool cool OH FUCK EVERYONE SHUT UP WARDLOW IS TALKING OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. I just... I'm so happy. His FACE when he realizes he came out of the right tunnel, I just... I like to imagine that the tunnels aren't consciously chosen in kayfabe (nobody thinks they're the heel in their own story, right?) and it's just an unconscious signifier of the person you are at heart, so when he comes out of the babyface tunnel, he can't really explain WHY it feels different, it just... does. AND THEN HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND OH MY GOD HE CAN ACTUALLY TALK, I WAS SO WORRIED. He was the big handsome silent scary muscle man for so long, as much as I yearned for him to turn on MJF for so long (so, so, so long), there was still concern in the back of my mind about what he would DO as a good guy, and the answer appears to be 'be eloquent and handsome and full of righteous fury and dreams' which HELL FUCKING YEAH??? I like that he didn't completely try to sugarcoat his time in the Pinnacle, it was very much just 'yeah he paid me a ton of money, so I went along with it until he slapped me in the damn face, so fuck that guy', there's no big holier-than-thou angle to it. And lol of COURSE he had a single mom and two older sisters, he absolutely gives off 'raised surrounded by women' energy.
Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus (c) vs. The Acclaimed for the AEW World Tag Team Championship: The Good: Is good match. Good wrestle boys. The Bad: Jurassic Express are the mid-cardiest tag champs ever, I love them but this just feels like filler. ;___; Had Fenix's arm not done The Bad Thing, I'd have been really pissed that the Lucha Bros.' run was cut off for stuff like this.
Leyla Hirsch vs. Thunder Rosa in an AEW Women's World Championship Eliminator Match: The Good: A fun, very Mission Pro-esque match. The Bad: Everything to do with the build to Rosa's (hopefully final) title shot. Why the hell did they even have the match at Revolution if the big one was always gonna happen at St. Patrick's Day Slam! What a waste of Britt's (hopefully) last PPV defense! Why has Rosa been so passive every step of the way! Why couldn't they put this earlier in the show! Why why why!
Still, that cage match should fuck.
Sammy Guevara (c) vs. Scorpio Sky for the AEW TNT Championship: The Good: One last TNT title banger from Sammy. The Bad: So he and Tay are totally just the new Cody and Brandi, huh? Blech. From the extended injury timeout before he OH SO DRAMATICALLY (not in the good way) RALLIES AND GOES BACK, WHAT A HERO, to Tay just slotting neatly into Brandi's place for the Paige Vanzant feud, to the way he's in his own little Sammyverse while his former faction imploded earlier in the show, it's like the Rhodeses never left! Gross. At least I don't have to see him carrying those two fucking belts anymore, GOD he annoyed me by the end, even if I don't give a shit about Scorpio as champ, either. Has there been anyone else in AEW who has been given SO many chances to get over with the audience? A dark feud didn't work, how about a big PPV win? Okay, how about a heel turn? Okay, how about putting him in another tag team? Okay, how about giving him a manager? Okay, how about another new theme? Okay, how about giving him another title? STOP TRYING TO MAKE HIM HAPPEN AS A SINGLES GUY, NOBODY CARES ABOUT HIM OUTSIDE OF SCU (who he has literally never mentioned since before Kaz and CD broke up, like c'mon). Can't wait to see how Wardlow gets screwed against him next week!
Fuck it, I'm ordering a burrito.
I don't! That was easy. Not regularly, anyway. It just feels like one of those things that, if you don't start doing it by 13 or so, it's too late to ever learn. I'm sure that's not true, but it FEELS true.
COLD, COLD, COLD, EVERYTHING IS COLD AND I'M SO TIRED AND IT'S ONLY THURSDAY. Alas. I have some paperwork that I think I can spread out enough to get me through the day intact, and while last night's Dynamite was a wildly uneven one, the highs were really high and there are a few things I gotta unpack for myself, so that's nice.
Jericho/Kingston Cold Open - The Good:
Jericho/Kingston Cold Open - The Bad:
Hangman Page (c) vs. Dante Martin for the AEW World Championship: I was confused about why Dante was still ranked #2 after losing to Hobbs twice, since I figured that was the end of his big singles push now that Darius is back, but I guess they wanted to toss him one last bone after his impromptu year as a solo act; good for him. The Good: This was delightful! Lots of high speed action and really cool, off-the-cuff counters for Dante's high-flying antics, and I love that Hangman finally gets to have a really decisive title defense, one where he stays in control for pretty much the entire match like the champ he is. Also him putting Dante over afterward was SUCH GOOD WHOLESOME COWBOY SHIT. The Bad: NOTHING. The worst I can say beyond a few sloppy spots on Dante's side (because he is fucking TWENTY, like, this is not a dig, he was really put in a position for all his flaws to be exposed when Darius got taken out of commission for so long), is that I'm not super feeling Adam Cole keeping his eyes on the belt for the time being, but as long as they keep feeding random challengers to Hangy like this to keep him fighting while Adam brings the Elite drama to his door, I'm not gonna complain.
AND OH BOY IS HE BRINGING THE DRAMA. When he first started in on his vague tag team bullshit, my thoughts naturally went to the obvious parallel of the time Kenny pulled the rug out from under the Bucks last year with the same 'ooooh, I clearly mean them PSYCH' doubletalk, but I think what he's doing is even more insidious than that, as compared to Kenny's naked cruelty. While Kenny was just doing it to punish the Bucks for not molding to his will, with Adam, it's serving as both carrot AND stick, simultaneously. He phrased it ambiguously not to mislead, but simply to keep his options open; I fully believe he intended to happily team up with the Bucks against Hangman had they been down for it, but he knew they probably wouldn't be so he left himself that 'um actually I meant reDRagon anyway sooooooo' out (even if most of the stuff he said really doesn't apply to them - Bobby Fish does not know Hangman better than he knows himself! Kyle O'Reilly is not living rent-free in Hangman's head!), hurting them in the same WAY that Kenny did, but also... in his own way, too.
DRAMA!!!!!
Bryan Danielson & Jon Moxley vs. The Workhorsemen: The Good: I love that JD can be part of the Wingmen one week and then team up with his old indie partner the next without it being some big thing. SEE ELITE, IT'S POSSIBLE TO HAVE MULTIPLE FRIEND GROUPS WITHOUT BEING WEIRD ABOUT IT. A nice, violent good time had by all, and William Regal just going off on the mic afterward was wonderful, even if it went on way long. I particularly love how he seemingly entered AEW with the intention of just being a coach, then was added to the roster page like a day later, presumably because he saw Sting at Revolution and said 'wtf this dude is a decade older than me I can still do this shit'. THIS IS BRYAN HE'S A PUREBRED WRESTLER I WAITED 6 MONTHS ON A WAITING LIST FOR HIM. THIS IS MOXLEY I FOUND HIM IN THE TRASH. Also he openly flirts with Tony and it rules. I love this old British fuck!! The Bad: Mox stop cheating on Eddie >:[
OKAY, BACK TO FRIENDSHIPS FALLING APART, SIGH. I'm really torn on this Hangman/Dark Order angle. Is he just being a bad friend? Is he actively trying not to be and just failing? He came out to apologize to Alex, he knows he was in the wrong, but also it's a dick move to not even CONSIDER them for the tag match. Just as Hangman assumed Adam was talking about the Bucks, it was clear that Adam just assumed Hangman would ask Dark Order to tag with him again. TWO BAD FRIENDS. TWO BAD ADAMS. Who both think the other is better than he is, somehow? Where the fuck is this GOING, if it really does just end up being reDRagon and Jurassic Express in the six-man, that'll be a massive anticlimax. On the other end of the spectrum, if they actually give me Budge and Dark Order vs. the Hungbucks, I would actually explode, so that's no good, either. I don't want to explode!
PAC vs. Wheeler Yuta: The Good: I like the premise of this match, that it was just something TK was keeping in his back pocket in case the world title match didn't go long. Plus look at all these ridiculous goofs both these serious wrestle boys have at ringside for them! The Bad: Orange confirmed injured. :( Thank god no surgery needed, though, and they're keeping him on camera so it can't be too bad. IF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS LAZY BEFORE...
AND THE SOAP OPERA CONTINUES. Turns out I'm still not over Matt talking openly about how they won't fight Hangman! THE RAINBOW TASSELS, MATT. THE RAINBOW TASSELS, HE'S SUBCONSCIOUSLY TRYING TO BRIDGE THE GAP AND YOU KNOW IT.
FTR firing Tully out of the blue was... weird. Guessing they want to set up a new angle for them as the Pinnacle falls apart (while Tully has Arn to fall back on), but the whole thing rang kinda false and random to me? Eh.
The big AHFO betrayal was set up much better, even if it had the benefit of everyone knowing Jeff Hardy would be showing up to make it relevant. HEY SPEAKING OF, I didn't have much in the way of expectations going in, but WOW seeing the Hardys together again had me feeling some kinda way. I didn't watch wrestling for very long when I was a kid, so I don't have a ton of nostalgia for most of the big names that everyone else gets excited for, but damn if I didn't love the Hardy Boyz, and knowing that they'll get to finish their careers together after all is... dang, man. Dang! It's a lot! Also lol forever at him dancing his way down to the ring as his brother gets his ass beat, PRIORITIES.
New guy's gonna fight the butterface, cool cool OH FUCK EVERYONE SHUT UP WARDLOW IS TALKING OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. I just... I'm so happy. His FACE when he realizes he came out of the right tunnel, I just... I like to imagine that the tunnels aren't consciously chosen in kayfabe (nobody thinks they're the heel in their own story, right?) and it's just an unconscious signifier of the person you are at heart, so when he comes out of the babyface tunnel, he can't really explain WHY it feels different, it just... does. AND THEN HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND OH MY GOD HE CAN ACTUALLY TALK, I WAS SO WORRIED. He was the big handsome silent scary muscle man for so long, as much as I yearned for him to turn on MJF for so long (so, so, so long), there was still concern in the back of my mind about what he would DO as a good guy, and the answer appears to be 'be eloquent and handsome and full of righteous fury and dreams' which HELL FUCKING YEAH??? I like that he didn't completely try to sugarcoat his time in the Pinnacle, it was very much just 'yeah he paid me a ton of money, so I went along with it until he slapped me in the damn face, so fuck that guy', there's no big holier-than-thou angle to it. And lol of COURSE he had a single mom and two older sisters, he absolutely gives off 'raised surrounded by women' energy.
Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus (c) vs. The Acclaimed for the AEW World Tag Team Championship: The Good: Is good match. Good wrestle boys. The Bad: Jurassic Express are the mid-cardiest tag champs ever, I love them but this just feels like filler. ;___; Had Fenix's arm not done The Bad Thing, I'd have been really pissed that the Lucha Bros.' run was cut off for stuff like this.
Leyla Hirsch vs. Thunder Rosa in an AEW Women's World Championship Eliminator Match: The Good: A fun, very Mission Pro-esque match. The Bad: Everything to do with the build to Rosa's (hopefully final) title shot. Why the hell did they even have the match at Revolution if the big one was always gonna happen at St. Patrick's Day Slam! What a waste of Britt's (hopefully) last PPV defense! Why has Rosa been so passive every step of the way! Why couldn't they put this earlier in the show! Why why why!
Still, that cage match should fuck.
Sammy Guevara (c) vs. Scorpio Sky for the AEW TNT Championship: The Good: One last TNT title banger from Sammy. The Bad: So he and Tay are totally just the new Cody and Brandi, huh? Blech. From the extended injury timeout before he OH SO DRAMATICALLY (not in the good way) RALLIES AND GOES BACK, WHAT A HERO, to Tay just slotting neatly into Brandi's place for the Paige Vanzant feud, to the way he's in his own little Sammyverse while his former faction imploded earlier in the show, it's like the Rhodeses never left! Gross. At least I don't have to see him carrying those two fucking belts anymore, GOD he annoyed me by the end, even if I don't give a shit about Scorpio as champ, either. Has there been anyone else in AEW who has been given SO many chances to get over with the audience? A dark feud didn't work, how about a big PPV win? Okay, how about a heel turn? Okay, how about putting him in another tag team? Okay, how about giving him a manager? Okay, how about another new theme? Okay, how about giving him another title? STOP TRYING TO MAKE HIM HAPPEN AS A SINGLES GUY, NOBODY CARES ABOUT HIM OUTSIDE OF SCU (who he has literally never mentioned since before Kaz and CD broke up, like c'mon). Can't wait to see how Wardlow gets screwed against him next week!
Fuck it, I'm ordering a burrito.